I Don't Love You, But I Always Will
by LoveOutLoud11
Summary: Four years ago, Meredith left needing to find inspiration. And she did. Derek was left heartbroken and hopeful, waiting for her return. Now four years after Derek kissed some nurse in the scrub room, she's back for her fellowship. And she's not alone. Is Derek ready for what's to come? Is Meredith ready? Slightly AU.
1. Chapter 1

**So I'm starting a new story. It takes place four years after 4x11. Meredith decieds she needs inspiration. And she finds it all right. It may have been done before, but it will defentley be different from the rest. Please review and tell me what you think, or if I should continue. I also have another story...Crazy, Stupid, Agents and I do plan on updating soon! It's finally summer for me so I have time. I hope you enjoy. **

**Chapter One**

Meredith sighed as she down on her new couch. She was exhausted. Keeping up with a three year old, and trying to unpack was difficult. Although Stella wasn't a problem.

Stella Elizabeth Grey. Meredith loved that child more than anything in this world. She protected her with her own life. Stella grew up without her father. It was just her and Meredith. She was three years old, and looked exactly like her mother. But she had her father's eyes and personaility. And compassion for ferry boats. (Meredith just found out recently)

It had been four years ago that Meredith walked out of Seattle Grace, and Seattle itself. She needed to find herself. _Herself_ outside of Seattle Grace Hospital. _Herself_ away from everyone she knew. _Herself_ period.

She didn't know she was having a child until three months later after she left. She was laying down on the bathroom floor, sicker than a dog. Stella lead her to be someone she never thought she would be.

A mother.

And a pretty good one at that. She made time for her, but still managed to be a good doctor. Meredith hated that Stella didn't have her father around. But it was best for the both of them at the time.

But now things were different.

Meredith promised Richard when she left, that she would be back to do her Fellowship at Seattle Grace. He told her that he would save her a spot, and that there would always be a spot for her. And now that time was now.

Meredith packed everything up, and her and Stella got on a plane. Now, a week later she was finishing up unpacking.

Cristina, Alex, Izzie, George, and Lexie had been a big help. From helping unpack, to keeping Stella. Stella loved her Aunts and Uncles. Meredith was glad that they could now watch her grow up, and be here for her. Cristina was most excitied about it. She had really taken a liking to Stella ever since she was born. She treated her like she was her own child and spoiled her. Meredith was kind of surprised herself.

They were all starting their fellowships in a week, besides Lexie, and she had decieded to take Stella to see Richard at the hospital tomorrow. Even though the chances of running into him were very high.

Him.

_Him._ Meredith's mind was running wild. Everytime she thought about him it was like that. He might have kissed someone else, and it might not have been a big deal, but it still hurt. She wished that things could just be normal for once. But she knew that when she agreed to come back to Seattle, that nothing would ever be the same. She wasn't afraid to show off Stella, or take her to the hospital. Who's to say the child was Derek's? It was a give away when you looked her in the eyes though. They were as blue as the Seattle Sea, and Meredith hated the fact, that everytime she looked into her eyes she felt a sharp pain in her stomach. Meredith knew that one day the truth would come out. It was just a matter of time. But she would roll with the punches and deal with it when the time came. For now she could just play off that the father was out of the picture, and it was just her and Stella against the world. Meredith had no choice to take her to the hospital daycare. And she liked taken her there. She could see her anytime she wanted, and she could go and take her to lunch. Even if daddy dearest was there.

A part of Meredith was scared. Scared of what she would return to. Had Derek found somebody else? Was he engaged? Or married? Again? Was he in love? Did he already have kids? Meredith shed a tear, but quickly whipped it off. She would not show that she was heartbroken, or fearful. She had a little one to think about, and to take care of. She was excitied to back, and to be here with everyone. So that was what she would give off.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Meredith held Stella in her arms and she walked through the hospital doors. She recieved looks from everyone, and some occasinal waves. Meredith just held her own, and smiled. She walked straight to Richard's office.

"Are you sure you don't want to walk Stell?" Meredith asked her daughter.

"No Mama." Stella said, resting her head on her mother's shoulder. "I like to hold you."

Meredith laughed. That meant she liked to be held, but Meredith couldn't make her understand.

Stella giggled. "What's so funny Mama?"

"Oh nothing." She smiled. "Ready to see Grandpa?"

"Yay!" The little girl exclaimed. "I'm going to give him a big bear hug. I missed him Mama. Did you miss him?"

"Oh I missed him." Meredith smiled. By that time they had reached the his office. Meredith knocked on his office door.

"Come in." She heard him say.

"Ready Stell?" Meredith asked.

"I'm ready." Stella grinned.

Meredith opened the office door and Stella flew in. "Grandpa!"

Richard stood up and picked the little girl up. "I never get tired of hearing that. I missed you little girl." He said holding Stella tightly. Richard walked around his desk to Meredith. "And I missed you too dear." He gave Meredith a hug and a kiss on the head. He stepped back and took a look at her. "You cut your hair!"

"I did." Meredith said, shaking her straight, shoulder length hair. "I was ready for something different."

"You look great!" He smiled, going around to sit down in his chair. Stella went and sat in his lap.

"What about me Grandpa? Do I look pretty like Mama?"

"You look beautiful dear." He said, messing with her golden locks. "She looks just like you Meredith. And just like you mother too."

"Make me wonder where the Shepherd genes went." Meredith laughed.

"She has his eyes. For sure."

"That she does. And his love for ferry boats."

"Who's Mama?" Stella asked, turning to look at her mother. Richard looked up at Meredith.

"Oh no one honey." Meredith smiled.

"You're silly Mama." Stella laughed. She turned and looked at her Grandpa. "Mama's silly."

"She is." Richard laughed. "Are you excitied about working her again?" He asked Meredith.

Meredith sighed. "I'm so glad to be back. And a promise is a promise. I love that Stella is here with all her Uncles and Aunts, and with you of course. I'm ready to work here again. I just have a couple, issues. But that will be okay."

"That's good that you're glad to be here. _I'm _so glad you're here." That stopped talking and watch Stella eat the M&M's out of the jar on Richard's desk. Richard looked up at Meredith.

"Have you made any decisons?"

Meredith knew what he was talking about. "Back in California, I felt that it just being me and..." She pointed to Stella. "...would be okay. That it would always be okay. But now that I'm here...I feel bad. I feel horrible that I kept this from him. It's been the best experience. From the beginning and so on. I hate he hasn't experienced it. Well that I know of. I just don't know what to say. I don't want her to resent me the rest of her life because she never knew him or vise versa. I'm scared that I'll find out he's moved on and..." Meredith stopped and looked out the big window. "I'm here and I will make things right. For everyone in the situation. Things will be okay in time. But her whole life's about to change and she doesn't even know it." Meredith put her head in her hands, and sighed. RIchard got up from the desk and moved around to sit in front of Meredith.

"I will help you both with anything you need. Derek is still Derek. Just the way he was before you left. Besides the fact he was upset, but he's giving up on you coming back. Although there is a hint of hope. Once he sees you're here, things will change for him."

Meredith nodded. "If he sees Stella, do you think he'll know?"

"Maybe. But she looks like you so probably not Meredith. It might hit him awhile after you're here, but that's still awhile from now."

"Okay." Meredith smiled. She looked over at Stella. She was in her own world dancing around. She was spinning in circles until she hit the jar of M&M's. They all came crashing to the ground.

"Opps." Stella said, making a worried face, but then giggling. Meredith moved to help her pick them up. They finally got them all back in the jar, and she picked the little girl up.

"Say bye to Grandpa. We got some errands to run." Meredith sighed. Stella ran over to Richard.

"I'll come pick you up from daycare sometime next week, and take you to lunch." Richard promised the little girl.

"You will?" She smiled.

"I will. I love you sweet girl, and I'll see you later." Meredith grabbed the little girl from her father figure, and walked out the door, heading to the corridor.

"You missed him didn't you?" Meredith asked the little girl whipping the chocolate from the M&M's off her face.

"I did alot. I missed everyone. I'm glad that we live her now Mama." She smiled, then gave her mother a big hug. "I love you Mama." Stella planted a kiss to Meredith's cheek.

Meredith looked at her daughter. "I love you more than all the stars in the..." But then she felt a hard body collide with hers. She looked up, into what looked like Stella's eyes.

He was perfect. More perfect than she remembered. And she was screwed. So. Totally. Royally. Screwed.

"Meredith?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

"Derek." Meredith spoke. Stella held onto her mom, being slightly shy.

"You, wow. What are you...Wow."

Stella turned around to face the man that was talking to her mother. She looked at him, then back at Meredith. "Mama he can't talk." She stated.

Meredith giggled. "He just surprised honey." She told her. She turned back to Derek. "I'm here for my fellowship. I promised Richard when I left that I'd come back when it was time, and it's time."

Derek nodded. He looked her over. Meredith tensed slightly. "You look good. You cut your hair." He smiled. "I like the shortness. Very...cute."

Meredith blushed. But her attention turned back to her daughter. "Hi, I'm Stella 'Lizbeth Grey." The girl said to the strange man.

"Hi, Stella. I'm Derek." He reached out a took the little girl's hand into his. Stella excepted his hand, and gave him a little shake. "You're a very pretty girl, just like your mama." Meredith could feel herself getting more red

"Thank you ." Stella giggled and looked at her mother. Meredith shook her head. Stella looked over at Derek, then leaned over to him. "I think she got it bad for you."

"Stella!" Meredith pulled her daughter back to her. "Where did you hear that from?"

"Aunt Cris Mama."

"I told her to watch what she says." Meredith sighed, but then giggled.

Derek just laughed. "She's beautiful Mer." He looked back at the woman. "Looks like you."

"Everything but the personality and eyes." Meredith sighed, but then realized what she said. "Uh, we better get on our way. Got a little one to feed."

"Donalds?" Stella asked, hope in her eyes.

Meredith laughed. "Too much McDonalds. I'll uh, see you around?"

"Yes." Derek smiled. "Have a good day. And you too Miss Stella."

"Bye !" Stella exclaimed.

Derek laughed and walked off, them both parting their own seperate ways.

"I like him Mama."

"Who?" Meredith asked.

"Mr. Derek of course silly." Stella said holding up her hand.

Meredith smiled, shaking her head at her daughter. "I like him too." She whispered.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

"So you two ran into eachother and he doesn't say anything about her?" Cristina asked.

"She's beautiful Mer." Meredith said in her best McDreamy impression. "Just like you."

"I can hear it now." Cristina said sarcasticly.

"I can't believe Mark hasn't said anything to him about me. I mean, he's my sister's boyfriend? And you all didn't say anything to me about him when we were moving in. You didn't say one word. Is there something I should know about him? He seems the same as he was before I left." Meredith pointed out.

"He's on and off with Rose. That's basically it." Cristina told her. "He might _look _the same, but he's not the _same_."

"Yeah." Meredith said. Stella was upstairs in her bed, asleep. She thought about the little girl, and how much she loved her. Was she ready to give her up to someone else? Was that really what she wanted to do? But could she live a life lying to her child about her father? It was only a matter of time before he figured it all out. And Stella did deserve to know her father. Expecially since her father was alive and well. Some kids dads weren't alive, and they never had the chance to even _meet _their dads.

"What are you thinking?" Cristina questioned.

"I'm just thinking about how much things will change. How much he'll hate me. What will he think of me? He must think that I'm a horrible mother seeing that I kept what could be the biggest part of his life away from him. How could someone do that?"

"Are you regreting your decision?"

"I part of me does. But a larger part of me doesn't." Meredith smiled. "It was his choice to be with someone else. it was his mouth that called it quits. So no, I really don't regret it. But it's not like I did it intentionaly. I didn't know I was pregnant when I left."

Cristina sighed. "He'll be angry at first. He might even resent you. But he'll get over it. He'll want to spend time with her, and make up for all the lost time. Derek just might want to be a family."

"No." Meredith shook her head. "I'm not fighting that uphill battle again. He can be her father all he wants, but we can't be a family."

"How do you think that makes Stella feel? Or how she will feel when she's going to school and all the other kids have families. Daddies and Mommies that love eachother, and you didn't even give it a shot." Cristina said looking into Meredith's eyes.

"I don't see..."

"She might not understand now..." Cristina interupted her. "...But she's not three forever. That child will grow, and she will become a very smart kid. She'll discover what has went on. She will remember what happened. You don't want her to have problems with you when she get's older."

Meredith sighed. Tears slowly spilled out of her eyes. "I'll tell him. Just give me some time."

"You don't have to tell me this. It's your decision. I just don't want you to do something you won't be able to live with." Cristina said, hugging her friend and pulling her close. "And you still have it bad for him. Ever since you left, and before that. He's the one Mer."

"And I wish he wasn't." Meredith sighed. "Oh, and by the way..thanks for telling Stella about having it bad for someone. She leaned over and told Derek today, that I have it bad for him."

"Ah, that's my girl."

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Derek walked into Joe's. He told Mark earlier that day that he would meet him there.

Saying that he was shocked, was an understatement. He never thought that he would be seeing Meredith Grey ever again. He had given up on her. Given up on the fact that they could have their happily ever after.

And now she was back.

With a kid.

A kid.

She was adorable. Just like Derek thought _their_ kids would look like. But she went off and somebody elses kid. That wasn't his. And that made him physically sick. She was the love of his life. And always would be. Even if he tried to hate her he couldn't. Hate her for running away. Hate her for leaving him behind. Just hate _her._

He walked over to the bar where Mark already had a drink in his hand. They usually met up twice a week to talk about things. Now that Mark and Lexie had been dating for almost three years, things had been a lot different. Mark was different. _Everyone was different._

"Hey man." Mark grinned. He got up and gave his brother a manly hug. "How's it going."

"It's, uh going." Derek said with a small smile.

"What's that suppose to mean?" Mark laughed.

"Oh nothing." Derek said.

"Oh, okay. Well have a beer."

"Trust me. I'll have not only one, but two." Derek sighed.

"Okay, what happened. Cause the little act is kind of getting on my last nerve. You're not the one to get flat ass drunk. Because when you want more than one beer, that's not normal for you."

"Guess who I saw today?" Derek smiled.

"Oh, boy." Mark had some idea where this was going. But he played along.

"Oh, boy is right." Derek sighed."

"Well, spit it out. I wanna know who has a stick up your ass."

"Mer." He softly spoke.

Mark looked at him, then took a swig of his beer before looking away. "No shit? Grey's back?"

"Stop the god damn act Mark. I know you knew. She's your girlfriend's sister."

"Look Shep, I didn't know it was that important. I thought you were over her."

Derek sighed. "What about the father?"

"I'm sorry?" Mark said, looking at his brother.

"Where's the father at? Did he just leave?"

"I have no idea. I don't talk to Lexie about that. It's a tough discussion." Mark knew who Stella's father was. It was a give away. But Derek was so blinded by Meredith being her he couldn't see it. Mark loved Stella. She was a sweet little girl. And Stella loved her Uncle Mark. He spoiled her everytime he saw her. Seeing that he was the godfather of that child, it was his place. He felt bad about kepting something so big from Derek, but _that _wasn't his place.

"How old his she?" Derek was throwing questions at Mark.

"Thr...two. Defentley two." Mark tried covering it up.

"She doesn't look two..." Derek said looking at Mark. Mark squirmed under his gaze. Suddenly Mark's cell phone went off.

"Looks like Lexie's calling me. That's my cue. I'll see you tomorrow man."

"Alright." Derek smiled. "Tell Lex I said hi."

"Will do." And with that, he watched Mark walk out of the bar, and head home to Lexie.

Derek finished his beer and paid Joe. He was tired and still in after shock. He needed sleep.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Mark walked into his apartment he shared with Lexie. He saw her sitting on the couch, talking on the phone.

"Yeah, I'll get the details and call you later. Love you too. Bye." He heard her say, then she sat her phone down on the coffee table. "When I called you, I didn't mean you had to leave. I was just wondering what time you would be home."

"Well, I'm here." He said, taking off his shoes and walking over to the couch.

"What's wrong with you?" She asked.

"Derek was grilling me about Meredith and Stella." Mark said rubbing his face.

"I was actually going to talk to you about that." Lexie sighed. "You didn't say anything did you?"

"Do you actually think I would?"

"Hey, don't get mad at me. It's not our decision. It's not our choice."

"I know it's just...he would be so thrilled to know he has a kid. He always wanted kids, and expecially with Mer. I feel like a horrible person keeping this from him. And now that she's here, it makes it ten times worse. The guilt I mean."

"What do you think Meredith feels like?" Lexie spoke. "She doesn't like it either. She just got off the phone with him."

"But she made that choice to keep her from him."

"She was angry at the time. And sad, and confused. I don't blame her. But now she's going to try and make things right."

"She's going to tell him?" Mark asked.

"Well it's not like she's got a choice. Everyone will know that child is his. It's just a matter of time before the lies crumble down around all of us."

"And you mean that by..."

"We've all kept something from Derek. He'll feel betrayed. He might hate us all at first, but Stella will make things okay. He spend time with that kid and he'll forget about everything." Lexie smiled. "When I spend time with her I feel so carefree. She's a stress reliever for me." She laughed.

"Yeah, she does capture your heart, and take your mind off things." Mark laughed. "I don't know if Mer says the same."

"True." Lexie agreed. "But she loves her more than anyone and anything, so I say she thinks she's a pretty great kid."

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

_Four days later..._

"Are you excitied Stella?" Meredith asked her daughter. It was her first day of daycare, and Meredith's first day at the hospital.

"I am a very cited' girl." Stella giggled.

"I'll come check in on you, I promise."

"I'm a big girl Mama." Stella said. "I will be fin'."

"_Fine._ And I know, you're getting so big." Meredith pulled into a parking spot and reapplied her lipstick. She got her purse and Stella's bag, and walked around to get her out of the car.

"I wish I could see Aunt Cris. She'd tell me I'd kick ass." Stella said sadly.

"Stella Elizabeth Grey!" Meredith exclaimed, carring her daughter into the hospital.

"What?" The girl giggled once again.

"We don't say those words."

"But Aunt Cris can. And Uncle Mark and Uncle Alex told me that, that, that..."

Meredith laughed at her daughter. "Can you talk today?"

"...that if enbody mised wif me, I could kick their ass."

"Stella Elizabeth!"

"I'm sorry Mama!" The little girl apologized. "Am I in trouble?"

Meredith walked over to the elevators and pressed the button for the daycare. She was running a little bit behind, and would most likely miss the meeting. Not good. "You're not in trouble. But Uncle Mark, Uncle Alex, and Aunt Cristina are in _very _big trouble. They just might get a spanking."

"Silly Mama, you can spank them! Their old like you."

A couple of the nurses started laughing, along with Meredith. Her daughter was a keeper for sure.

"I know it." Meredith said walking out of the elevator and towards the daycare.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

"...And if you have any other questions, please feel free to ask me or the other attendings. Have a great day."

Meredith walked in on the tail end of the meeting. She walked over to Mark, Lexie, Cristina, Alex, Izzie, and George. She noticed Callie and Arizona were over there also, in their own conversation.

"So what did I miss?" Meredith asked.

"Where the hell were you?" Cristina looked at Meredith.

"Yeah, you missed the meeting." Alex told her.

"No shit." Meredith said to Alex. He just smiled. "And did any of you forget I have a kid? It's called taking them to daycare, and being a responsible parent."

"I think she just didn't want to stand in here and listen to this boring ass meeting we were forced into. But hey, great excuse. Maybe we should have a kid so we can get out of these meetings.." Mark said looking at Lexie.

"Oh, that reminds me.." Meredith smirked. "The next time you three..." She pointed to Mark, Alex, and Cristina. "...decied to tell my kid that they will kick ass, or can kick another kids ass, will be banned from her."

The three of them started laughing. "What happened?" Mark asked.

"Stella said the word _ass_ two times this morning, and said it came from you three."

Lexie and Izzie gasped, hitting their boyfriends.

"Sorry." Alex smiled.

"Yeah, we apologize." Mark said.

"I sure as hell don't apologize. Someone has to boost her confidience. It might as well be me." Cristina smirked.

"You are all useless." Meredith said, shaking her head. "What do we need to do?"

"They said that in five minutes we're meeting the head of departments in each of our own conference rooms to go over stuff with them." George shrugged.

"Damn, I gotta go." Mark sighed, kissing Lexie on the cheek before walking off.

"Yeah, let's go." Izzie told everyone. And with that, they all cleared out.

**So review for me! Tell me what you think! And by the next couple of chapters we should be getting somewhere. Keep on reading and reviewing. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

Meredith walked with Stella in hand, towards the exit of the hospital.

It had been a good first day. Meredith tried not to be so awkward around Derek, seeing as he was one of her bosses. The meeting with him and the other neuro fellows went well. Derek simply stated, that they would be taking over traumas and operating on their own. He would be their with them for the first couple weeks to watch over them, and after that if they had any questions or needed help, he would be around.

She was exhausted to say the least, and forgot that Stella was even talking. She was rambling about what a great day she had at daycare, and all the little friends she had made. And now she was letting go of Meredith's hand, and running off.

"Uncle Mark, Uncle Mark!" Stella exclaimed. People began to turn and look at the little girl who was excitied to see her Uncle.

Mark turned around to see Stella running towards him. Him and Derek were on their way to Joe's for one of their many weekly meetings. Seeing as Lexie was on call tonight, it worked out perfectly.

He picked up Stella and wrapped her in his arms. "God you're getting so big." Mark told her. "When did you grow up so fast."

Derek watched as the two enteracted together. He was good with kids. Stella really seemed to like Mark. After all, that was her Uncle.

"Uncle Mark, I'm a big girl now. Didn't you hear?" She giggled. Derek looked at the little girl. Damn did she have her mother's giggle.

"You are a big girl. And you're also the big girl that got me in trouble." Mark laughed. By then, Meredith had made her way over.

"You did that yourself Uncle Mark." Meredith smirked.

"I'm sorry...Mama." Mark said with a grin. Meredith rolled her eyes.

Stella got down from her Uncle. She looked over to see one of her many new friends.

" !" Stella screamed. "I missed you!"

Meredith froze. Oh god. This is the way it would be. Except Stella would be calling him Daddy. Not . Meredith smiled a nervous smile. She felt a gaze on her, and she looked over at Mark.

She knew that Mark never agreed with her decision. He said that he understood the circumstances, but she never believed him. Probably because when Derek found out, she was the only one he was going to loathe.

"I missed you too." Derek laughed. The little girl give him a hug around his legs. Derek patted her on the back.

"Where are you two headed?" Meredith asked. Right now, she couldn't stand the guilt. She had to say something.

"Joe's." Derek smiled. Mark was still in a gaze. But then Stella went back to Mark, and he picked her up.

"Mama, I wanna go with Uncle Mark and ." Stella told her Mother.

"I'm sorry baby, but not tonight." Meredith told her.

"But Mama I wanna go to Boe's!" Stella cried.

"You mean Joe's?" Meredith laughed.

"Mama.."

"I'm sorry Stel, but Joe's isn't a little girls place. And Mama is tired. Plus Uncle Mark and want to uh, go have some fruit punch." Meredith was not going to have her daughter know what beer was this early. Though she already had an idea that Stella knew what it was.

"But I can have fruit punch."

"Not this kind of fruit punch Stella." Uncle Mark laughed.

"Mama.." Stella started to tear up.

"Oh god please don't cry." Meredith begged. "I hate it when you cry. Please, please don't cry."

"Look, maybe you can come over in a couple days when Uncle Mark and Aunt Lexie are off?" Mark told her. "We can play games and have pizza."

"Cheese?" Stella lifted her head up from Mark's shoulder.

"Cheese." He grinned.

"Can you come ?" Stella looked over at Derek.

"Uh..."

Meredith felt bad. Mark was looking at her, and Derek didn't know what to say.

"I'm sure would love that." Meredith smiled. "Wouldn't you ?"

Derek looked at Meredith. Meredith nodded in approval. "I would love that."

"Good!" Stella smiled. "Now you two go to Moe's and..and..and...what were they drinking again Mama?"

Meredith couldn't help but laugh once again at her daughter. She was so cute. "Fruit Punch."

"Yeah. Go drink your Fruit Punch and get to work so I can come over." Stella said proudly.

"We will." Mark promised her. "Won't we Shep?"

"We'll hurry." Derek promised the girl.

"Okay. Come on Mama. Let's go." She leaned over so her Mother could take her. "Bye!" She waved at them.

Meredith smiled, but this time it was more relaxed. "I'll see you guys later." She began to walk off.

"Wait." Stella said.

"Stel.." Meredith sighed as she got down from her mother and ran back over to the two men.

She walked over to her Uncle and gave him a small hug, the back to Derek and gave him another small hug.

Meredith watched as her daughter hugged them. She really liked Derek. And there was no doubt she loved her Uncle Mark. She saw the little girl say something to Mark, then say something to Derek. Then the little girl ran back to her mother.

"What did you say to them?" Meredith asked as Stella took her Mama's hand.

"Just that I loved them, and I'll miss them."

And with that, Meredith's heart started beating ten times, too fast.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

"Izzie I'm having a panic attact here." Meredith said loudly. She called Izzie to come over, and to bring George too. Cristina was on call and Alex was too.

"It seems that you have your one and only answer." Izzie said.

"And what would that be?"

"To tell him." George told her. Meredith was pacing up and down the living room floor of her and Stella's apartment, while George and Izzie sat in the two chairs.

"I just, I know I need to tell him it's just a lot harder then you think. And the whole time Stella was talking to Derek, Mark was giving me this look that made me feel so damn guilty. I couldn't hardly even stand there. Then when Stella told me..that..that.."

"...That she told Derek she loved him..."

"She's just three. She doesn't even know what love is. I mean come on, she told the guy at McDonalds she loved him when she was walking out the door."

"Mer, I met you two there. She was saying that to me when we were leaving.." George told Meredith.

"Oh." Meredith spoke. "Still she probably just says that because she says it to all her family and friends. And Derek is supposively her friend."

"I just think it's time. How much longer are you going to let this go on? What if she starts calling him Uncle Derek instead of ? What are you going to do when you do finally tell him, and you have to explain to her that he's no longer Uncle Derek, he's Daddy." Izzie questioned.

"I know it, I know it."

"Then do something about it." Izzie sighed.

"Nobody get's where I'm coming from though. I've spent almost four years with it just being me and her. I've kept her from anyone that could hurt her. I've always done right by her. And now I'm suppose to give her up? Just change her life all around? And what if me and Derek do try to go back to the way things were and they don't work out? That leaves me with a upset, confused kid, and a pissed off father." Meredith cried.

George walked over to the couch were Meredith had sat down. He pulled her into his arms and hugged her. "We're all here for you and Stella. Now, and afterwards. You're family. We are trying to do right by Stella _now_. And we don't want you to do something you will regret. Things always work out in the end. So just breathe."

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

_Two days later.._

Meredith had put Stella in her carseat with her bag, and had picked Cristina up. They were taking Stella to Lexie and Mark's for a play date.

They had the music turned up, and Stella was in her carseat in the backseat, singing.

"How do you think it will go?" Cristina asked.

"He wouldn't do anything to her hurt. And it's not like either of them know anything. It will be okay."

Cristina looked at Meredith. "Who the hell are you?"

"Language!" Meredith warned, laughing. "And Lexie said she'll tell me anything. Just think of it as a..._practice._"

"Practice. I like the way you think. _Sometimes._"

"Oh whatever." Meredith rolled her eyes smiling. Her and Cristina were going to work after they dropped off Stella. They only had to work tell the evening, then they would come pick her back up.

A couple songs later _Sexy and I Know It _came on the radio.

"...I'm sexy and I know it." Meredith heard a little voice sing from the back of the car.

"What the hell?" Meredith said to herself outloud. She turned around when the car came to a stop. "How do you know that song?"

Stella stopped singing and looked at her mother.

"Well, tell me who you heard it from. I wouldn't really be surprised as seeing you know how to say the word ass."

Stella giggled but the stopped. _Maybe this wasn't this time be funny. _Clearly, Mama was upset.

"Um, well see when I was at Uncle Mark's and Aunt Lexie's sometime, I was showing Aunt Lexie my dancing..."

"So Aunt Lexie huh?" Meredith said, pulling off and going to turn into the Flat Complex.

"Mama she went to turn it off but I liked the song. She was tying' to be sponsible'." Stella said worried.

"Just let me talk to Aunt Lexie..." Meredith smiled.

Meredith parked the car and went around to get Stella. Cristina walked behind them before laughing.

"Nice Little Grey, nice."

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

"So you've got everything you need for today?" Meredith asked her daughter.

Derek, Mark, and Lexie were standing by the little girl. Cristina stood behind a squatted Meredith, talking to her daughter.

"Mama I wanna play."

"Okay, give me hugs and kisses." Meredith smiled. Stella hugged her Mama and gave her multiple kisses on her cheeks.

Stella ran off to where they kept the Wii in their house. She might have been three, but she could beat anyone at Wii.

"She'll be fine." Lexie told her sister.

"That's not what I'm worried about."

The three adults, Mark, Lexie, and Derek himself got quiet.

"I was in the car this morning, and guess what I hear?" Meredith said smiling. She looked at her sister. Cristina looked at her and winked.

"Uh, what did you hear?" Lexie asked.

"I swear to god I didn't do a damn thing!" Mark said. "I cleaned my act up!" Derek started laughing.

"I hear my three year old singing..._'I'm Sexy And I Know It'_." Lexie went red. "And she informed me, that when she was dancing for you, that's what _Aunt Lexie_ was listening too."

"I can explain..." Lexie said nervously. Meredith looked at Cristina and they started laughing.

"I'm just messing with you." Meredith sighed, smiling. "But she did really know it."

"Hey, it's not like you don't listen to HYFR." Lexie smirked.

"What's HYFR?" Derek asked.

"Hell Yeah Fucking RIght!" Meredith, Cristina, and Mark exclaimed. Lexie looked at her boyfriend.

"Sorry, can't help it Drake gets to me." Mark shrugged.

Derek laughed. Oh these people.

"Well we got to work. Enjoy your day off." Meredith said jealously.

"Hell I want surgries!" Cristina exclaimed.

"Come on junkie." Meredith shook her head. "See you guys later." The other three adults watched as they walked out the door.

"I thought you said she was two?" Derek asked Mark.

Mark froze. "What do you mean?"

"Meredith said she was three."

"Oh yeah, well see she's almost three so.."

"I see." Derek smiled. "I was just making sure you weren't loosing it. I would hate for you to not know how old your own niece was."

"Really funny Man." Mark laughed nervously. "_Real funny_."

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Meredith and Cristina got back in the car from a long day at work.

"It's been a great day!" Cristina bragged.

"Hell, you got a surgery. I just did charting all day. And paperwork. But tomorrow, tomorrow I'm doing surgery on a patient for my clincal trial."

"You mean the one that worked?" Cristina question. "Like the tumour one?"

"Yeah." Meredith nodded in excitiment. "I'm so ready!"

They talked and laughed on the way over to pick up Stella. Meredith wondered how today went.

They pulled into a parking spot and the women got out to get the little girl.

When they got to Mark and Lexie's door, they knocked. Meredith heard her daugher yell about her Mama.

"She's here! She's here!"

Meredith smiled to herself. Derek opened the door, and Meredith and Cristina walked in.

"Well it seems she's gone...missing." Derek smiled.

"Oh really." Meredith laughed. "Well I guess I'll have to take back the CUPCAKE I got for her."

Stella ran out behind the couch. "Cupcake?"

"Strawberry Shortcake. Our _favorite_." Meredith nodded. Stella gave her mom a hug, then went to tell her Aunt Lexie and Uncle Mark what she got.

"Might not should have gotton her that cupcake." Derek told Meredith.

"Why not?"

"She's had too much sugar today." He laughed.

"You're only a kid once." Meredith smiled at him. His eyes lingered on her.

"I'm gonna barf." Cristina spoke before walking past them to go get Stella and Uncle Mark.

"Somethings never change." Meredith spoke.

"Well you certainly did."

Meredith looked at him.

"I mean...What I meant was..." Derek tried to explain himself.

"It's okay. Relax." Meredith assured him. "I know what you mean."

Derek nodded. "Look, Meredith..." He step forward, but Stella interupted him but running into the room. Cristina, Lexie, and Mark were behind them.

Meredith turned from Derek to the other three adults. "Hey, how'd it go?"

"She was perfect of course." Lexie smiled.

"And I kept my mouth shut." Mark grinned.

"You get an A'." Meredith high fived Mark.

"It was fun, and did you know liked Ferry Boats too Mama? We were talking about them!" Stella exclaimed.

"Oh how could I forget." She laughed.

"Then I beat Uncle Mark at the Wii game, as...as...what's that word when you do somethin' the same over and over and over and over and over..."

"We get it." Meredith, Cristina, and Mark said at the sametime.

"...Again." Stella finished.

"You mean usual?" Derek helped her out.

"Yeah, uu..us..u. Nevermind." Stella sighed.

"Well you ready Stel?" Meredith asked.

"Yeah..whatever." Stella said, hugging and kissing everyone goodbye.

"Sometimes I feel like I'm rasing a 16 year old." Meredith joked.

"Time flys." Mark said, looking at Meredith.

"Don't I know it." She smirked at him. Could he not be anymore revealing?

Cristina picked up Stella when she got done saying her goodbyes, and took her to the car.

"Thank you all again for putting up with her. She can be a handful." Meredith told the three of them.

"She wasn't bad at all." Lexie told her. "I missed spending time with her."

"Yeah..uh me too." Glancing from Derek to Meredith. Meredith did understand what Mark was saying. It was hard to keep it from his bestfriend, that his ex-girlfriend had a kid and he had to lie about it.

Meredith hugged Lexie and Mark, before turning to Derek.

"I'll walk you out." Derek said, smiling at the same time.

"Oh..uh okay." Meredith smiled back. They both walked out the door, and Lexie and Mark looked at eachother.

"Well?" Mark said.

"He's perfect with her." Lexie stated.

"Who's her?" Mark asked.

_"Both of them." _

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

"Thank you again for coming over here today and helping take care of her." Meredith thanked him.

"I really enjoyed spending time with her." Derek told Meredith. "She's a beautiful, smart girl."

"That she is."

"What I was trying to say earlier before we were intertupted..." Derek laughed, before he got serious again. "...was that I don't want things to be awkward with eachother at work. I know, I mean time has changed a lot of things. Just because you have a kid now and we've both moved forward doesn't mean we can't be...friends. And if you ever need someone to watch Stella for awhile, or to keep her, I'm always here and I wouldn't mind at all."

"That's..that means alot." Meredith spoke softly. "Thank you."

"I mean it."

"Well I better get going..."

"Yeah." Derek stepped forward and gave her hug. Meredith held onto him, closing her eyes. But then he pulled away. Meredith smiled before turning to walk away.

"Uh, Meredith?"

She turned.

"Can I just ask you a quick question?"

"Yeah.." Meredith said nervously.

"You don't have to answer it. It may be a little too personal but...where is her father?"

Meredith was stuck. "He's um, he doesn't come around much."

"She's such an incredible, little human being. Why wouldn't you be around for that?"

Meredith felt a tear almost fall from her glassy, green eyes. "I don't know." She whispered before walking towards the car.

**Ohh just waaaiitt! And I'm loving all the story alerts and reviews. PLEASE keep them coming. (:**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

Two weeks had gone by. And Meredith was very aware. It seemed like everytime one of her friends, or family, caught her in the same room as Derek, they would give her a weird look that made her feel uncomfortable. She got it. It was time to give the secret up. But she almost felt like Derek wasn't very smart.

Shouldn't he know by now? Or atleast guessed?

It really surprised her. It really did. She figured he would have came to her, and been all pissed and upset about her keeping Stella from him.

But nope. He wasn't.

He was just being McDreamy.

It was just another average day. Except today, Stella was _not_ liking the idea of daycare.

"Stella please!" Meredith begged standing in the middle of the lobby.

"Mama I don't want to go." Stella told her mother.

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes Stella."

"Mama no!" Stella exclaimed.

Meredith looked around. No one liked a screaming kid. She couldn't stand them herself. Stella never was loud. Except when she was excitied.

She took her arm and pulled her over to the side.

"I have a surgery Stella, and everyone has to go to work and _daycare_."

"Please, Mama don't leave me there."

"Why don't you want to go to daycare. You love it there."

"Mama..." Stella started to cry.

"What happened Stel?"

Stella mumbled something.

"You got to speak up.."

"They talk about me."

"Who talk about you?"

"The people. They talk to the people in the green colored clothes. I know they talk about me Mama cause' they point at me. It's not nice to point." She cried.

Meredith froze. Someone was hurting her child. And for once in her years of motherhood, she never felt more protective. Her heart melted. The little girl was so innocent. And Meredith had an good idea of what they were all discussing. Meredith picked up her daughter and started walking towards Richard's office.

"Mama please.."

"Stella I'm not taking you to daycare."

"You're not?"

"I'll see if your Grandpa can take you for the day. I hate to do it to him an such short notice but.."

"Yay!" The little girl's face cleared up.

"Don't repeat anything you told me to him. I don't want him going down there. I'll take care of it."

"Yes Mama. I want say a word."

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Meredith got changed into her scrubs and walked to the Nurse's desk on the O.R. floor.

"I'm going to have to push my surgery back an hour, can you inform the patient?" She told the Nurse.

"Yes Dr. Grey."

"Thank you." Meredith said as she walked off to find Cristina. She found her and Alex at one of the coffee carts, arguing over something.

"...Well we will just see about that." Cristina smirked.

"Hey Mer." Alex grinned. "How's my girl?"

"I'm great!" Meredith played along.

"Not you." He smiled.

"I know. She's not doing so well. I'm on my way to chew somebody's ass out, and I was coming to see if you two wanted to join me. I'm going all over protective mom on the bitches at the daycare center."

"What the hell happened?" Alex asked.

"Well Stella informed me this morning, that the workers in the daycare center and some of the nurses near by are talking about her. She said they whisper stuff and point at her. Stella started crying so I felt bad for taking her there. And I wanted to talk to them before I had to take her back."

"Where is she now?" Cristina asked.

"She's with Dad." Meredith told them. "I didn't have anyone else. We're all working. I guess I could've taken off, but I have a morning surgery and one in the afternoon."

Cristina started to walk off.

"Where are you going?" Meredith yelled at her.

"I'm pissed. And it's been so long since I've gotton to go ape shit on someone." Cristina said giddy.

"Hell I can go balistic." Alex grinned. "No one messes with my little niece. I'll kick their asses."

Meredith smiled. Her and Stella had family.

They always had.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Meredith walked into the daycare center, Alex and Cristina behind her.

"Dr. Grey, we didn't see Stella come in this morning." The worker looked very surprised.

"Well is there a chance you have a moment?" She asked.

The worker looked at Meredith. "Yes Dr. Grey." She stepped outside the daycare center, while another lady took over. "Is there a problem?"

"Stella informed me this morning, that the workers here, and the nurses near by talk about her. She says they see you talk and point at her. She came crying to me, throwing a fit saying how bad she did not want to come here this morning." Meredith told the girl.

"Dr. Grey I can explain..."

"So you were talking about my daughter."

"We...I..."

"Look, I don't know you and I don't care to know you..." Alex stepped in. "...but that fact that you hurt a little girl and Meredith pisses me off. They didn't do a damn thing to any of you. She's suppose to feel safe here. It's hard being surgeons and having to leave your kids somewhere for a long time, but this is where she has to go. You should be thankful that Meredith didn't march herself to the Chief's office and tell him about this little inncondent."

The worker looked stunned, and sorry.

"Well I'll tell you what I want to do. I want to kick your ass and everyone elses ass that was involved so bad right now it's killing me. You all deserve to get a good hit. You are a no good, sick sad sorry bitch..."

"Okay now that's enough from you." Meredith stopped Cristina. She turned back to the worker.

"All I came here to say..."

"All _we_..." Cristina and Alex both said in unison.

"Yes, all we came here to say what that the next time my daughter's name or my name comes out of your mouth..." Meredith warned her. "...It better be to my face and my face only. I better not have Stella come to me again and say that she was being pointed at and talked about."

"Yes, Ma'am it won't happen again."

"Because the next time it does happen, the Chief will know about it. And seeing as Stella is his only grandchild, he won't be very happy about it."

"This will be a safe place for Stella I can assure you."

"Good. I'm glad we have an understanding."

Cristina stepped up. "I'm not leaving tell i find out what you and your _friends_ were saying about them."

"We...we just were wondering about her."

The three of them looked at her funny.

"And her father."

"I feel that, that is none of your business." Alex told the woman.

"Well we know that she's almost four and Dr. Grey had an history with De...Dr. Shepherd."

This time, all three of them went off.

"...It's not your place to say a damn thing."

"...I'll kick your ass up and down this hallway."

"...I better not hear that you said anything to Stella and he has nothing to do with the situation."

"I tell the other ladies to mind their business and we will never speak about you or her again." The worker told Meredith.

And the three of the walked off pissed.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGA

"Suction..." Meredith damanded. She was almost done with her surgery, and it was going smoothly.

"Dr. Grey."

Meredith kept her head down, looking into the brain.

"Dr. Grey."

Meredith didn't look up.

"Dr. Grey."

Finally Meredith looked up. "Done with the suctioning. Now, what is it?"

"Um, in the gallery."

She looked up. She noticed Derek was looking down on her, the she saw Patricia holding Stella.

"Sorry Meredith, but Richard got pulled into an emergency surgery. He won't be out for awhile. Do you want me to keep her tell you're done?" Patricia said over the intercome. Stella saw her Mother and lit up.

"Mama! You're fixing the little boy's boo boo?" She asked.

"Yeah baby, I'm fixing him." She smiled through her mask. "I don't like much here."

She notice Derek get up and walk over to Patricia and Stella. Meredith's heart melted.

"Dr. Grey..." He said trying to sound professional infront of everyone. "...I don't mind taking her tell you're done. I'm all caught up and I don't have surgery tell later on."

Meredith sighed. "That's fine. I like at the most an hour in here, then I'm done."

"I'll met you with her afterwards." Stella leaned over and Derek took her in his arms.

"Bye Mama, I love you."

"I love you too Stel."

Then she got back to work.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Meredith walked out of the scrub room and paged Derek. He told her to meet him in his office.

She knew it was time. Time to tell him. To rip the band aid off. But it was just so hard. This would change. Maybe change was good though. She couldn't just say it to his face. No that wouldn't be a good idea. She had to come up with a plan.

When she got to his office door, she could hear Stella giggling. It was cute. He was good with her. She knocked on the door, and Derek moved around to open the door.

"Hey." He sighed.

"Hey..you look..." She wanted to say gorgeous, but when against it. "..tired. Did she wear you out?"

"Oh we were just playing around." He laughed.

"Hey Stel, you want to go get a bite to eat?" Meredith asked.

"Derek already fed me." Stella told her mother with an attitude. "Why did you have to come get me? I was having a good time."

"Oh. Sorry I finished with surgery. And Derek has a surgery this afternoon."

"But I don't want to leave." Meredith sighed at her daughter. She was being stubborn.

"Mer how about you take over my surgery. I'll stay with Stel."

"Yay! Thank you Derek." Stella said, running to him and hugging him.

"Are...are you sure?" Meredith asked, kind of shocked.

"Yeah. I'm perfectly okay with it. We're having a good time anyway. Isn't that right Stella?" Derek said smiling.

"Yeah Mama we are!"

"Well no whinning when I come to get you later okay?" Meredith told her.

"No whinning. Got it."

Meredith walked over to stand by Derek, while Stella went back over to Derek's desk.

"Thank you for this." Meredith thanked him.

"You're welcome." Derek said to her. "We like eachothers company so.."

She breathed in. "Derek I've came up with a clinical trail."

Derek looked at her. "Really? For what?"

_Shit_. Meredith thought. _Really didn't think this through._ "Over uh...alzheimer's."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah I was wondering if tomorrow you could seat down with me and I could go over it with you?" Meredith asked him. _Good job Mer. Good job._

"I will defentley do that. How about around one or so?"

"That will work." She told him.

"Great I can't wait to hear about it." Derek said, excitingly.

"Well I'll be back later to get her." Meredith smiled. "Thanks again."

"No problem."

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

"So you told him you started a clinical trial?"

"Pretty much." Meredith sighed. Her and Cristina were getting together baby pictures and the birth cerftificate to take tomorrow for Derek.

"Are you ready for this?"

"Are you trying to talk me out of it?" Meredith asked her. "Because I swear to god if you ask me a question like that I will back out."

"You'll do fine." Cristina assured her. "He'll be estatic to know he has a kid."

"You mean right after he get's done cutting my head off with a scapel?"

"No you'd have to use something better than a scapel." Cristina joked. Her person always knew how to make her feel better, or lighten the situation.

"I just want to get this over with. Everyone will get off my back, and I'll let go of the guilt."

"You may never let go of the guilt..." Cristina warned her. "...But you will feel better about the situation."

"I know." Meredith shrugged.

Cristina gave her person a hug, and a smile. After a minute she let her go and looked back down at all the photos of Stella when she was little, and all the paperwork she's ever had. "Did you get everything?"

"Yeah." Meredith told her. "I just have to put it in a manila fold and make it look like clincal trial paperwork, the I'm done."

"Stella's getting a father." Cristina said outloud.

Meredith repeated. "Stella's getting a father."

**Sooo next chapter. I'm even ready myself! Please review!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

Thirty minutes. Thirty minutes before she was suppose to meet Derek in the conference room.

"Are you nervous?" Izzie asked.

"No shit Barbie." Cristina laughed.

"Sorry."

"It's alright Sis." Lexie told her. "He might be understanding."

Meredith laughed. "Understanding my ass."

"I'll be the one to slap you with an reality check." Alex told her. "He'll yell. Say he hates you. And probably stomp out of the room in rage. But then he'll come back demanding he see Stella. So now you've been warned."

"You are a _horrible _person." George laughed.

"Just stating the facts."

"Okay I am done with this." Meredith said grabbing her manila folder and walking to the door. "I'm going to get something to drink, then I'm heading to the conference room. She walked out the door and headed down the the cafeteria. On her way there, she ran into Mark.

"So your telling him.." Mark stated, more than a question.

"I am." She told him. "So you can get off my back."

"I just feel guilty Meredith." Mark sighed. "I love you to death. I really do. I might not show it all the time, and I might have been a real ass this past month and a half, but I love you. I just want Derek to know."

"That means a lot Mark." She smiled. "It really does."

By then, they had made it to the cafeteria and gotten what they needed. They walked towards the conference room.

"Well wish me luck." Meredith smiled a nervous smile.

"You won't need it Mer." Mark grinned.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Meredith saw Derek walk to the hallway towards the conference room, and she inhaled a sharp breath.

"Here goes everything." Meredith laughed at herself.

Derek walked in the door and Meredith froze.

"I'm glad you could uh..make it." Meredith told him.

"I wouldn't miss it." Derek smiled.

_I can't do this. I can't..oh god. He's looking at me._

"So tell me about the trial."

Meredith looked up at him. She sat the manilia folder down on the table.

Derek looked at it, the looked up at Meredith. "This isn't about a clinical trial is it?"

"No. It's not."

What Derek didn't know, was they both had the rest of the day off, seeing as it was a very _difficult_ day for everyone.

"Derek..."

Derek rubbed his face with his hands and lean back in the chair, still looking at her.

Meredith sighed. "When I left four years ago, I was looking for inspiration. I needed something more than Seattle, and _you._ I couldn't handle anything. I had problems with myself I needed to fix. And I couldn't see you move on with anyone else. Also I was angry."

Derek nodded.

"Three months later, I had my head stuffed down in a toilet so sick I could get up. That's when I discovered I was pregnant."

Derek's jaw clenched.

She pulled out a picture of a sonagram and handed it to him. He took it and looked it over.

"I was confused, upset, angry, everything. But when I looked at that screen, my heart melted and I was in love. Stella is the best thing that has happened to be in a _long, long_ put me back together. I discovered myself."

He couldn't look at her. He knew what was coming. He had a feeling at the beginning, but he overlooked it. Now, now he should have known. He shouldn't have second guessed himself.

Meredith pulled out a sheet of paper. "Stella Elizabeth Grey Shepherd."

Derek took the birth certificate, looking at it, then looking up at Meredith. Then she handed him a picture of Meredith holding her, right after she had giving birth.

Derek put everything down before looking away.

Meredith felt a tear escape. "Please say something."

"I can't even look at you."

"Derek.."

Derek stood up from his chair.

"You kept her from me! You just had her, and didn't even bother to tell me! Do you know how that makes me feel? That makes me feel like an asshole. I'm suppose to be her father and how..hm." Derek stopped. "I missed out on her life. I missed watching her grow. To be there when she was just born. When she said her first word. When she took her first step."

Derek sighed before turning around and looking at Meredith.

"I miss you so much. Even though you're here you're millions of miles away. And knowing that I have a daughter and that daughter is with _you_, the woman I've loved ever since I laid eyes on her, makes that feeling rush through my veins _ten times faster_."

Meredith wiped the tears from her eyes and looked away from him. "I have trust issues with you, and adding a kid into this situation just makes those issues _ten times worse_."

"You actually think I'd hurt our kid?" Derek asked.

"I never said that. But I've been with her for almost four years Derek. It's just been Stella and I on our own. It's hard for me to give her away. Even though I will still be here with her, I still feel a part of me giving her up. That's hard for me."

"I understand."

"I'll let you spend time with her. You can come over and play with her, and babysit her. But we will tell her who you really are before there are any sleepovers." Meredith demanded.

"That's understandable." Derek nodded. "I'm still angry with you."

"And I'm still angry with you." Meredith said with a straight face. "You hurt me beyond belief. And even after time it still hurts the same as the day you called it quits."

Derek looked into her eyes. He could tell that she was upset. But she could tell that he was too.

"We have a child together Meredith, things need to be civil."

"So now you're the responsible parent?"

"I'll be by tonight to see her."

"I won't have things this way." Meredith shook her head before standing up. She put everything in the manila folder and slid it over to him. "You're not going to be an ass, and I won't be a bitch. You can come over tonight. I'm perfectly fine with that. But you won't tell me how I need to treat this situation. This situation itself has been on my mind longer than it has been on yours."

Derek laughed. "If I would have known about it in advanced..."

"You only have yourself to blame for that." Meredith yelled, before turning on her heels and walking towards the door. "We both have the rest of the day off. The Chief knows about what was happening today and he was kind enough to give us the rest of the day off. I'll see you around 6."

"Address?"

"Everything you need to know is in that folder." Meredith said before opening the door. She turned around and looked at him. "I'll tell you the same thing I told Cristina. Part of me regrets keeping Stella away from you. But the larger part of me doesn't. You didn't want me anymore. And you sure as hell didn't want to a kidfrom me. That's your fault."

Derek looked at the little girl in the picture that was sitting on top of the table. In the picture she was two, and Meredith was holding her while she was tickling her. Stella was laughing and Meredith was too. They both had been loved.

_By eachother_.

"I have mixed emotions about the situation. All I know is even though I'm still upset about it with you, and you're not the only person, I'm stilling going to fight like hell. For her, and for _you_." Derek established.

"You can fight like hell for her all you want Derek." She assured him. "But you and I, are not good for eachother. And I've gotton over trying to be good enough for you." And she walked out the door.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Derek knocked on the door of the apartment. He felt that things could have went better today, but that was now in the past and he couldn't change any of it.

Meredith was upset to say the least. He knew it had to be hard on her, but he was upset too.

How could she do that to him?

Stella was a beautiful little girl and she was his daughter.

He heard the lock on the door unlock, and Meredith stood there in her little, old dartmouth t-shirt, and her little shorts. Her hair was thrown back in a small pony tail, and she looked tired.

Derek gestured for him to step inside, and she nodded. She closed the door and turned to face him.

"She's uh, upstairs in her room."

"Okay." Derek smiled.

"You can go up if you want..." Meredith said but was quicky interupted.

"Mama I'm hungry!" Stella exclaimed.

"You just said you weren't hungry?"

"I changed my mind. I want pizza! Please?"

Meredith sighed. She looked at Derek, and he was wearing a grin. Damn him.

"Cheese?" She yelled up at Stella.

"Yes Mama! Thank you!"

Meredith walked over to the fridge and grabbed then number off the front. She dialed the number and order the pizza.

"Sorry about that."

"It's okay. She has good manors." Derek said proudly.

"That she does."

Derek nodded and walked up the short stairs. It was a small two story apartment, but it was nice.

Moments later she heard Stella giggled. And Meredith's heart stopped.

That's what _she_ always sounded like around him. She missed him too. But this was the way things had to be. She couldn't complicate the stituation.

She opened up the fridge and got out some wine, while getting a glass. She poured some and walked over to the french doors and opened them up. She loved having a balcony.

Sitting there in one of the chairs outside, she sipped on her wine and sighed.

She was in for a long road ahead.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

"Mama no!" Stella cried.

"It's bedtime Stel.." Meredith told her daughter. "You have to go to bed. I have work tomorrow and you have daycare."

"Mama they talk about me."

Meredith sighed. Her, Stella, and Derek were downstairs in the living room. They had eaten dinner, and were now in Stella's room trying to get her to go to bed. Derek looked at Meredith when Stella said that.

"I talked to them. They won't anymore. Just please? Lay down for me?"

"No." Stella declared.

"Stella how about I lay down with you?" Derek asked her.

"Yes! Then I'll go to sleep!" Stella giggled. She ran to her bed and got in it. "Leave Mama."

Meredith shook her head back. "Okay then." She watched as Derek went over and layed beside Stella. She snuggled into him and Derek smiled.

"I've got it Mer." Derek said.

Meredith rolled her eyes and walked out of the room.

Maybe it was jealousy, or she was pissed at the both of them. But it was one of the two.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Meredith had almost drank a whole bottle of wine by herself. That wasn't good. She normally had Tequila, but when she became a mother, wine felt more mature.

She was back on the balcony, looking out over Seattle. The water was pretty, and the town was lit up. Not as much as California when her and Stella lived there, but it was pretty lit up.

She sipped her wine and tensed up when she heard the doors open.

"Out like a light." Derek stated proudly. Meredith nodded.

"I get you haven't been here for her like I have..." Meredith told him. "...But it still doesn't make it okay to barge in."

"I was just trying to help Meredith I wasn't trying to intrude."

"Gotcha." Meredith said sarcasticaly. Being a bitch wouldn't help her out with the whole new daddy thing, but right now she didn't care.

"I'm just trying to be her father. I am her's if you haven't forgotten."

"Oh I'm well aware. We did have sex you know." She laughed bitterly as walked back inside. "Or we screwed eachother or whatever you want to say."

"_We made love_." Derek told her.

"I would hardly call it that."

"You may not like me anymore. You may hate me with all you have. I hurt you. But you hurt me just as much. You ran all over me and even used me for sex. But I didn't care because I loved you more than words could describe. Everytime I was _with_ you I ment it. So get off your high fucking horse and let me in." Derek begged her. "Just let me in."

"So you _loved_ me?" Meredith asked.

Derek sighed.

"Good night Derek. You know your way out." She went around him and walked up the stairs. She got towards the top when she felt an arm grab her.

"I told you today I wanted you, and that I love you and miss you, but you didn't want_ me_. How do you think that makes me feel? So don't make me that bad guy, or the asshole. _You have yourself to blame for that_."

And he turned around and left.

**Sorry it's been a few days. I had mixed emotions about this chapter. But now it's done. So review and tell me what you thought of it!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

Derek was being an impatient person. And normally he wouldn't be an impatient person. But he had a kid.

And he wanted that kid to know she had a father. A Daddy.

Two weeks had gone by. Stella had been over for many visits, and Derek had been over too.

Now he was ready to take it to the next level. But there was one problem. And that problem was Meredith.

They had spoke to eachother, but just about the Stella. What time she would be there to pick her up, or when he was coming over. Meredith let them be when he was over, and she did her own thing. Sometimes Cristina was over and he could hear them gossip about things up in Meredith's bedroom. They weren't exactly quiet.

Derek was coming over to play with Stella. He had just gotten off work, and he figured he would stop by. Meredith had given him a key in the manila folder a couple weeks ago, and it had come in handy a few times.

He put the key in the lock and opened the door. Meredith had her door locked all the time for safety reason. Who could blame her? He noticed Cristina and Lexie's car out front. Another intervention. He laughed to himself. Her bedroom door was cracked, and he figured that Stella was in her room too. He walked out up the stairs, and was about to yell to Meredith that he was hear, when he heard Lexie speak.

"I'm telling you, just rip off the band aid."

"Lex, it's not that simple." Meredith sighed.

"Look, sit her down with you and Derek. He will help you out." Cristina said.

"Yeah, because he really wants to help _me_," Meredith laughed sarcastically.

_What was that suppose to mean? _Derek questioned her in his head.

"Oh yeah. Is he still mad about you telling him no?" Cristina asked.

"Yeah. I tried to talk to him, but everytime nothing comes out of my mouth and I look like an idiot. And he just, leaves. He's only interested in Stella. Plus I saw him and Rose getting cosy at lunch. And the rumors I'm hearing about them two too. I swear to fucking god I leave them both behind four years ago, and I return and it's the same god damn issue with the both of them. Derek is my McDreamy, and Rose took him and my McLife. Next thing I know they'll be McEngaged, the McMarried, then McBuilding _my_ McDream house, then having McBabies! And Stella will have a step mom and..." Meredith groaned. "...that whore!"

Cristina and Lexie looked at Meredith, then looked at eachother before they started laughing.

"What?" Meredith yelled.

"It's just that, that would never happen. Derek is too good looking to spend the rest of his life married to a horse, I mean come on." Lexie laughed.

"And I'd kill her with my own bare hands before I let that happen." Cristina assured her.

"Derek is unpredictable." Meredith told them.

"So are you." The other two women said in unison.

Derek shook his head. Meredith was jealous of Rose. And she wanted to talk to him just as much as he wanted to talk to her. Maybe it was time to give up this little game. And to tell Stella the truth.

"Meredith, I'm here!" Derek yelled. He open and closed the door to make it seem like he just came it. Halfway through them talking about him, he had walked back downstairs.

Meredith looked at the two girls and got up from her bed. By this time, Stella had ran out of her room and downstairs.

"Derek!" Stella exclaimed and ran to him. She gave him a big hug. "Are you here to play with me?"

"Yes ma'am." Derek smiled. He looked up at Meredith. She was at the top of the stairs in a t-shirts and soft shorts.

"Hey." He sighed.

"Hey." She said back. "I, uh, will just be in my room. Cris and Lex are here so..."

"Yeah." He smiled. "I'd like to talk to you before I leave."

"That's fine." She nodded before walking back into her room, and closing the door.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

"Derek can I ask you somfin'?" Stella asked. They were sitting in the floor of her room, playing dolls.

"Sure Sweets."

"Well, um do you have a um, Daddy?"

Derek froze. He looked up at the little girls. She was looking at Derek with big, sad eyes. It was making him nervous almost.

"Yes but he's in heaven. Do you know what heaven is?" Derek asked her.

"That's where Grandma is. I never gots' to me her, but she loves me lots. Mama said so."

"She does." Derek smiled an assuring smile.

"It's just that today at daycare, my friend Jordan got picked up by her Mama and Daddy."

"I see." Derek nodded.

"I want to get picked up by my Mama and Daddy. But I gots no Daddy. Why? Why don't I have a Daddy. Do you knows Derek?"

He felt like he was being questioned by the cops. The poor little girl didn't know what was coming to her.

"No honey I don't."

"Aww man." Stella said as she started to cry. Derek stood up and picked the little girl up, and went over to the rocking chair in the corner.

"Stel, look at me." He said to the little girl. Two eyes peeked up at him.

"You are a bright, beautiful, smart, joyful little girl. Anyone would be honored to be your Daddy. And one day, you'll have one. I promise you that Stella."

"I'm beeful?" Stella asked smiling up at Derek.

"You're beautiful." Derek laughed. He gave her a kiss on the head and held her close to him, her slowly driftng off to sleep.

Tears quickly rolled down Meredith's cheeks whiles she sat with her knees pulled up to her outside the door, listening to Derek and Stella speak.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Derek walked out of Stella's room and towards Meredith bedroom. He knocked on the door before walking in. He didn't see her in her room, but he heard noise coming from her bathroom beside the bed. He walked over to the doorway, and sighed with what he saw.

"Meredith."

"We have to tell her tomorrow." Meredith had both hands on the sink counter, and was looking at her reflection in the mirror. Her face was red and her eyes were puffy and pink.

"I agree." He said before moving towards her.

"You'll come here and we'll tell her together."

"That's fine." He smiled.

"I can't have her asking why she doesn't have a Daddy. I'll breakdown, just like I am now." Meredith said between sniffles.

"It will be okay." Derek said putting a hand on her back. Meredith quickly jumped out of his reach.

"Maybe for you. She'll look at me with all the questions and wonder why I've caused her so much pain."

"She won't fully understand yet Meredith. And she won't resent you if that's what your worried about."

"I hated my father ever since I was five why should this be any different?"

Derek sighed before turning to walk out the door. "I'll see you tomorrow."

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Meredith just finished the rest of her paperwork, and had gotton dressed and went to get Stella. They were on their way out of the hospital, when Derek came right up behind them.

"How are we this evening ladies?" Derek said in his charming way.

Meredith tried her hardest not to smile. _Or blush._ "We are doing just fine."

"Derek!" Stella sqwelled. "Are you comin' to my house to play with me and Lucy?"

Derek laughed and Meredith shook her head. "Yes, I'm coming over."

Meredith sighed. This was going to be interesting.

"I guess i'll meet you there?" Derek questioned.

"Yeah. I'll see you there." She said, them parting their own ways.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Derek got there the same time Meredith did. He came over and helped her get Stella out of the car, so Meredith could get some of the things she needed from her car, out. They walked up the stairs and to the apartment.

They walked in and Derek sat Stella down on the floor. She ran off upstairs to her room, to check on her lil' baby Lucy. Meredith sat everything down and got herself something to drink, before sighing and looking over at Derek.

"If you aren't ready for this..."

"No. Let's just get this over. Stella needs her father, and you need your daughter."

"You act like you're getting nothing out of this." Derek defended himself.

"What's that suppose to mean?"

"I'm going to help you Meredith. I'll be here for the both of you. Not just Stella."

"Derek, you're _just_ Stella's father."

Derek froze. Meredith regretted it instantly.

"I'm so sorry I didn't..."

"Whatever let's just tell her." He stated, going an taking a seat on the couch.

Meredith nodded. "Stella!"

"Yeah?" The little girl yelled back at her mother.

"Come here. I need to talk to you about something."

Derek fake coughed.

"We. We need to talk to you about something." Meredith corrected herself. Stella came out of her room and hurried down the stairs. Meredith went and sat down on the floor, and Derek followed.

"Am I in trouble Mama?" Stella asked when she entered the living room.

"No." Meredith laughed. "You're not in trouble."

Stella went and sat by Meredith and Derek. Meredith looked at Derek, then looked at Stella.

"Stel, I want to tell you something." Meredith said, grabbing her daughter's hands.

"Yeah Mama?"

"I uh..." Meredith sighed. She felt the tears form in her eyes.

"Mama don't cry." Stella smiled. "I'll cry too."

"Stel along time ago I met...a prince."

Stella's eyes lit up, and Derek's looked at her with confusion.

"A prince! What was he like?" Stella said with excitment.

"Well he had dark curly hair, baby blue eyes, and a beautiful smile." Meredith told her daughter.

Derek smiled shaking his head.

"Handsome." Stella stated.

Meredith giggled through the tears. "Anyway, the prince and I feel in love."

"Ooo." Stella grinned.

"And when you fall in love with someone, that love is so powerful it brings a new life into the world. That new bright little life was you."

"Me?" Stella questioned.

"You." Meredith smiled. "And I was so happy. It is and always will be the happiest day of my life."

"What happened to the prince though?"

"I moved away and didn't see the prince. I didn't know you were coming, or I would've stayed."

"Oh." Stella nodded.

"Stella, the prince in the story is your Daddy."

"I have a Daddy?"

"Yeah, you have a Daddy." Meredith whiped her face. "But the prince in the story, is Derek."

Meredith looked over at Derek, and he smiled at her before looking at Stella. Stella looked at her mother, before turning and looking at her father.

"So you mean..." Stella looked from her mother to her father. "...Derek is my Daddy?"

Meredith started crying. She didn't even know why partially. It wasn't so hard. Maybe it was just bringing up the past that made her this way.

"I'm your Daddy Stel." Derek assured her. Stella scooted over to Derek.

"So does this mean that you and Daddy love eachother?" She asked.

"I will always love your Daddy." Meredith stated.

"And I will always love you Mama."

"But sometimes that love doesn't stay the same."

"Oh." Stella nodded. "Well is Daddy going to live with us?"

"I'll have my house." Derek told her. "And you can come over anyime you want, and spend the night anytime you want too. It's your home now too."

"I see." Stella said. "But why am I just now finding Daddy?"

Meredith groaned on the inside. Boy did she hate herself right now. Now in this very moment, she regretted the secret.

"Because me and your Mama lost eachother."

"Okay." Stella smiled. "I'm glad I have a Daddy. I'm glad you're my Daddy." She moved and gave him a hug.

Meredith sighed and got up. She went into the kitchen and cleaned her face. She felt nothing by relief.

"Will you come play toys with me Daddy?" Meredith heard Stella ask.

"I sure will baby girl." Derek said, getting up.

"Bye Mama." Stella annouced, leaving the room.

"Bye baby."

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

**Ah. So was it good? I'm trying to write up some chapters. I know I didn't update as soon as I wanted. Please review and tell me what you thought. And what you would like to see. Thanks for reading and reviewing guys. I'm loving all the great reviews! **


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

Derek and Stella were sitting outside the trailer, with their feet dangling off the built on deck. It was night time outside, and very peaceful. Stella was staying with him for the third night that week. It had been a week since Stella discovered that she had a Daddy, and that her very own Daddy was Derek.

"I love it out here." Stella smiled.

"I'm glad that you do. You can come here anytime you like. It's your home too." Derek told his daughter.

"I know silly." Stella giggled. She scooted closer to her father, and Derek pulled her over giving her a hug.

"Daddy?"

"Yeah Stel?" He never got tired of that word.

"I'm sad for Mama."

Derek sat back to look at his daughter. "Why?"

"Can you keep a secret?" Stella asked.

"You bet I can." Derek smiled.

"Picky promise?"

"Pinky promise." Derek said, taking Stella's pinky.

"Well um, the other night I got thirsty at Mama's after I went to sleep. And I'm not suppose' to get water by myself. I have to get Mama. I got outs' of bed and went to her room. When I got there, she was cryin'."

Derek was still. "Crying?"

"Yeah. Thens' another night, I had a nightmare and went to go sleep with Mama in her bed. But she was cryin' again."

Derek studied his daughter. She did look kind of sad. And she was telling the truth. "What did you say to her?"

"She just said that her tummy wasn't feeling good. But she still sniffled."

He nodded. "Mama will be okay."

"I feel bad her tummy hurts Daddy. We should help her feels' better. She loves bear hugs. And kisses too." Stella giggled.

He laughed. Stella had her mother's giggle, and it constantly reminded him of Meredith. He made a note to talk to Meredith about what Stella told him. Even if he was breaking a pinky promise.

"Well let's get to bed little one. We have work and daycare tomorrow."

"You have to go fix peoples boo-boos too?" Stella questioned.

"Yeah I do Stel."

"Daddy can I sleep with you tonight instead of my own little bed?"

Derek grinned. "That sounds like a plan."

"Yay Daddy! Now come on I have to help get in his Pajama's for bed time. Oh, and a story?"

"Yeah, I can read you a story." He assured her. "Let's get inside."

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Derek laid awake in his bed that night. Stella was quietly sleep, something she must have inherited from him. His thoughts were on Meredith, and how she was doing. Was she crying herself to sleep right now? Or was she already asleep?

He looked over at the clock and read that it was 10:15. He figured he would try giving her a call and see what she would say. His phone was laying on the kitchen counter, so he quietly got up and got it. He stepped outside the trailer, and gave her a call.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Meredith was sitting on the couch with a bottle of wine in her hand. Cristina was hugging her own bottle two. They were discussing the latest gossip, and issues in their life.

"So how's the sleeping?" Cristina asked her.

"I'm fine. Just a little here in there." Meredith sighed.

"You need to take something. Crying yourself to sleep everynight isn't good Meredith."

"I know, I know. I feel bad, Stella walked in on me crying. I just told her my tummy was upset. What else can I say?"

"Uh, how about I miss my ex-boyfriend/baby daddy/lover/..."

"Okay that's so not it." Meredith told her. "It's just this goddamn city. Seattle brings back a lot of painful memories. Some good. And being on the land with him and Stella isn't so wonderful either. It just hurts all around. Everytime I'm somewhere we were once together at, I can just feel the pain. He's still McDreamy and gorgeous and all, but he's still the guy that took my heart and threw it in a shredder. But Stella has seemed very distance. I think now that 'Daddy's' in the picture it's all about him. And whatever Mama says doesn't go. I'm just stressed. Between all this and work I almost can't function."

"Everything always works out in the end. I mean, you left and things worked out for you and Stella. Then you two came back and found Derek. Told him that he had a kid and told Stella she had a father. That all went rather well. And for Stella, she loves you unconditionally. You are her mother and there's not a day that goes by that she doesn't think about her Mama."

"I just need to go out and start dating." Meredith sighed. "I need sex."

"Don't we all?" Cristina smirked. Just then, Meredith's phone went off.

"Oh shit." Meredith paniced.

"What?"

"It's him."

"Answer it!"

"I don't want to answer it."

"Answer the phone."

"I'm drunk."

"Oh my god Meredith." Cristina said and took the phone from her. "Hello? No this is not Meredith you idiot, you've known her for what almost eight years and you can't recongnize her voice. Look how's my perfect little godchild/niece? That's good, just keep charming her. No I haven't been drinking. Fine I'll let you talk to her, she might be slurring her words I had to pick her up off of Joe's floor this evening she was so plastered..."

"Cristina!" Meredith yelled.

"I'm just kidding McDreamy here she is, her and her good old bitchy self."

"Cristina!"

"That's the wine talking Mer! Jeez you might want to help her out with her sexual frustration Mc..."

Meredith ripped the phone away from Cristina and got up to leave the room. "I am never letting you answer my phone again."

"You should answer it then, instead of panicing about it!"

Meredith rolled her eyes and walked upstairs.

"Hello?"

"Hey." Derek spoke.

"Hey, I'm really sorry about her. Don't listen to anything she said."

"It's okay Mer."

"How is she?" Meredith asked.

"She's asleep. She's fine. I cooked dinner and we went outside for awhile. She misses you."

"I miss her too." She whispered. It got silent on both ends of the phone. "Um, is there a reason you're calling me?"

Derek sighed. "I was just calling to tell you how Stel was. And to check up on you."

"You don't have to check up on me Derek. I'm fine."

"Just let me in. I'm trying to be a good father and check up on the mother of my child. I'm trying at least make things civil between us and have a relationship that doesn't involve Stella." Derek said loudly.

"I'll see you tomorrow at work. Good night Derek." And Meredith hung up the phone. She walked back downstairs and sat back down on the couch next to Cristina.

"That sounded like it went well."

"I can't let him in. Not personally atleast. Everytime I do it comes back to bit me in the ass."

GAGAGAGAGAGAGA

"Did you have fun with Daddy?" Meredith asked her daughter. She had a little time before a consult, and she wanted to spend that time with her daughter.

"Yeah. We played outside, and Daddy cooked me dinner, and it was fun!" Stella giggled.

"That good, I'm glad you had a great time."

"Daddy's the best Mama." Meredith blocked the sadness and just looked away.

"But you're my number one Mama. So be happy." She said, giving her mother a warm hug."

"I'm happy she said." Right then her pager went off. "Crap Stel, I got to go. I'll see you later. I love you."

"Love you too Mama."

GAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Meredith had checked out her trauma patient, and came to the conclution that he had no brain injuries, and just a minor concusion. She did her consult, and was now at the nurses station turning in her chart. She wrote down a few things, and was turning to leave, when she noticed none other than the Derek Shepherd coming _her_ way.

She sighed and tried to fight the erge to smile. He approached her, and gave her a smile.

"Hey, I was wondering if you would like to come to the trailer tonight after work. I would really like to talk to you."

"Well I have Stella tonight..."

"She's staying with her Uncle George and Aunt Izzie." He said proudly. "Uncle Alex is on call." He smirked.

"I was really wanting to spend sometime with her, but I guess I can take her tomorrow night." Meredith told him.

"That sounds fair." He smiled. "Do you want to ride with me their or drive?"

"I'll drive so I have a way back."

"Oh, right." Derek said kind of hurt. He had forgotten she had to get back.

"I guess I'll text you when I'm on my way?"

"Yeah, that sounds fine." He said, and watched as she walked away from him. Lavender swarmed his body, and chills ran up and down his spine.

_Damn, the way she makes me feel._

GAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Meredith drove down the long dirt road, and finally arrived at a little trailer. It was still light outside, and the sound of nature was calming. She saw Derek inside working on something and decieded to go and check it out.

She knocked on the trailer door. Derek stopped what he was doing and went to open the door.

"You know you could've just walked in." He laughed, giving her a small hug.

"Oh, I just..."

"It's fine. Come on in, I'm cooking us some dinner."

"You really didn't have to do that." Meredith said.

"Oh but I did. I know you, and you can't talk on an empty stomach."

"True." She smiled.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGA

"Fifty says they do eachother in the first five minutes." Mark grinned.

"Seventy fives says they eat dinner then skip talking and sleep with eachother." Izzie betted.

"You people are mean." George laughed.

"I agree with George." Lexie said.

"I know my person. Six hundred bucks says they eat dinner, talk, and she leaves. Meredith won't sleep with him tonight, I know she won't. And come on Sloan. Fifty? Really? You got to learn to bet with the best of them."

"Fine. Seven hundered says they sleep with eachother, no food intented."

"I'm sticking to seventy five. I'm poor what can I say." Izzie declared.

Cristina shook hands with Mark before pulling away. "May I win."

Mark laughed. "That's what you think Yang."

GAGAGAGAGAGAGA

"Thank you for dinner." Meredith told Derek.

"You're very welcome."

"It was perfect, as it always was."

Derek smiled a sad smile. "I guess it was."

They both had finished dinner, and decieded to take a walk around outside. It had been a long time since Meredith had seen the land, and she missed it dearly. Derek knew there were things that had to be said, it was just the matter of getting the words out of his mouth. And trying to not have Meredith get upset and leave.

"So is there something on your mind? Because I know you and when you want to talk some things turning in your head." Meredith said nervously.

"Yeah, there's some things I wanted to talk to you about. But before I say anything, just please listen to me. Don't get upset and avoid."

"I'm a different person Derek. I've learned to deal with my problems, not run away from them."

"It didn't sound like that on the phone. I called to ask how you were and you shot me down."

"I was busy at the moment Derek."

"Busy drinking?"

Meredith sighed. "Just say what you have to say."

They kept walking, and Derek waiting a couple minutes before speaking up.

"Has you tummy hurt lately?"

Meredith froze. _Damn it Stella._

"Oh my god." She groaned, shaking her head.

Derek grabbed her arm to indecate that he wanted her to stop walking. She turned and faced him.

"Meredith what's wrong?" He asked.

"I'm fine Derek."

"You're not fine. And if this is a problem stop avoiding."

"I'm not..." She looked away. She took a couple of steps before she spoke.

"This isn't something I want to discuss."

"I'm trying to help you. Just let..."

"No you don't get it." She said, turning around. "I don't want to discuss this, with _you_."

Derek looked her in the eyes. She was hurt, upset, and full of mixed emotions.

"The reason you don't want to talk about is because, it's about me right?"

"Yes." She whispered.

"Is there something I did wrong that has made you so upset you have to cry yourself to sleep at night?"

"I know this sounds weird for this situation. But it's not you, it's me."

"Really? Meredith, do you know how this makes me feel? I feel like I did something to hurt you. I don't want you to..."

"We are always going to hurt eachother Derek. It's the way we work. We were just constantly hurting eachother. And after four years, those habits are still the same. We aren't good for eachother. And no matter how much I love you, things can never be the same. And we haven't been happy since Addison showed up. We didn't go and fix those problems when we got back together after her and Finn, and more problems just built up after that. I love you with all my heart. I have never loved a human being as much as I love you, and Stella. I want you to know I love you. And that I have changed. I'm not the same person you saw four years ago. That girl is gone."

"If you love me so much, why won't you tell me what I did. I want to help Meredith. And you crying isn't going to solve anything. Stella doesn't need to be 'sad' for her mother Mer. She doesn't need to worry about that stuff. _I_ should worry about that stuff. _I_ should worry about that stuff because_ i _am the man Meredith. And it's my goddamn job make sure that you two are okay."

Meredith let a small tear escape out of the corner of her eye. "I'm finally happy. And I'm sorry that it's not you, me, and Stella living under the same roof happy together. But things don't always work that way. I appreciate you wanting to take care of us, and I understand it. I just..." She stopped for a moment. "...I don't know if it's this damn city, or the past."

Derek looked at her. "What do you mean?"

"Everytime I looked at you..." She said as she walked to him and put her hands on his cheeks. "...I see a memory. I see it happen. Just like it happened in that very moment. Like right now, it's the first time we made love. Two minutes ago, it was when we first met. And when I close my eyes, it's like I can almost feel you beside me in bed. You putting your arms around me and pulling me in. Or it's the bittersweet moments we had that makes you so sad to see them that you almost want to go jump off a cliff. That's why I cry at night. Because I can't get anything off my damn mind. But that is what I see, everytime I look at you. And everytime, I close my eyes." She cried, as she took her hands off his face and started walked towards the trailer, back to her car.

"Meredith..."

"I'll see you at work. Stella's with me tomorrow."

And she kept on walking.

**I personally, love Meredith's speech about the memories the best. I almost feel like I'm there, and watching the whole thing for myself. Review/Comment and tell me how you felt about it. I love you all (my readers and reviewers) and couldn't ask for any better ones! I get story alerts all the time and it makes me so happy! I do take into consideration everytime I read a review, about what you guys think. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, and I will be back in a couple days (or sooner) to upload another chapter! Thanks and you are all the best! **


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

Meredith sighed. It defentley wasn't her day.

She had dropped Stella off at daycare that morning and was going to get coffee, when she saw Derek and Rose laughing while walking in together. Meredith knew that she had told him things couldn't work between them, but she could still be jealous. Right? She had gotten coffee, only to spill it all down her. Embarrassed, she ran to the locker room, cursing to herself. When she was finally changed and headed to surgery, the patient died on the table before she could even operate. The nurses had mixed all her charts up, and the interns couldn't put in centeral lines. She was about to scream. She couldn't take this place anymore. It was hell.

The elevator dinged and she stepped on. Greatfully it was vacant. She thought about one place her friends, or the man known as Derek Shepherd (or Rose at that fact) wouldn't be. She finally hit the button, and the doors were closing.

Right before Derek decieded that, that was also the elevator he wanted to take.

Groaning, Meredith moved over so he would have a place to stand. He punched a number, before turning to look at her.

"Bad day?" He asked.

"No, it's been great." She lied.

"Really? Because I was informed that all the cases assigned to you, their charts weren't in order."

"Well if..."

"I don't want excuses . Just fix it before I let someone else take your cases."

Meredith stepped back. What the hell was wrong with him? Was he pissed about the other night? She hadn't been acting weird around him. Maybe a little avoiding but she just needed the quiet.

"What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing. Just clean up your mess and teach your interns how to put in central lines while you're at it."

Meredith leaned over and pressed the emergency button. She turned and looked at him. "First of all, it's not my mess, If these goddamn nurses could get their minds set to business and not to gossip, maybe that wouldn't be an issue. You would know that if you would have shut the hell up and let me talk. Secondly, their not my interns. That's the residents job to teach them that. Not me. I've done my fair share of lab skills. And thirdly. I know you're mad at me about the other night. To be honest I don't know why you would be. It's not like I said anything wrong. I'm sorry if I hurt you or you're upset. I know you've been quiet everytime I picked up Stella or you've dropped her off the past couple of nights. I'm not as dumb as you think. But please don't harp on me today Derek. I've just about had all I could take from everyone else in this hell hole today. I can't take it from you."

Derek nodded before pressing the emergency button again. The elevator continued on, and they both rode in silence.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Derek quickly walked an nearby on call room and closed the door. He put one hand on the door and leaned against it.

Ever since the other night, he had been thinking. His head told him to move on and get over it. But his heart said make her change her mind. Meredith was stubborn when it came to that stuff. And he just didn't know if he had it in him.

He needed a plan. Something. He missed her way to much and it was all getting to him. He missed her laugh, their endless conversations, her _heart_ itself.

He missed her body. He missed the way it fit against his, and how her skin felt under his touch. He missed how soft her lips were against his. And he missed them intertwined together on rainy days, doing nothing by lying in bed together.

Four years with her made him ached. It made him sad and lonesome.

The woman didn't have honey blonde hair. Hers was a dark brown. Almost black. Her eyes weren't a gorgeous green. They were a hurting hazel. Her skin wasn't silky soft under his fingertips. It was rough. She wasn't petite and fragile. She was taller and built. The woman he was thinking of wasn't Meredith Grey. It was Rose.

There wasn't a choice. Anyone standing next to Meredith was out of the question. He should have discovered that before he chose his ex-wife all those years ago. That seemed ancient now but it was still alive and well. All because it was one of the many problems that hurt their relationship today.

Derek sighed. He had hurt Meredith Grey too many times to count. He let her down and never noticed how she felt. She had been through so much in her life. So many people she couldn't trust. Now she was different and fixed. And they had a daughter together.

He knew that they owed it to Stella, to try again. But Meredith couldn't see that. She was afraid to trust him. And she thought that she would be hurt in the end. But could she see how much he loves her? Or how much he is in love with her? He needed to prove it to her. It was just a matter of time before Meredith Grey wouldn't be avalible for him.

And he wouldn't be avalible for her.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGA

"Thank you so much for doing this." Derek thanked Cristina.

"Yeah whatever McDreamy. Go 'woo' her." She said rolling her eyes.

"I'll try my best. Meredith is stubborn."

"Hey, that's my person you're talking about."

"You know she is." Derek smiled. "Hey Stel, can you come here?"

"Yeah Daddy?" She said, running to her Daddy.

"Aunt Cris is gonna take me?" She asked.

"Yeah. Aunt Cris is going to take you. Daddy has something to do."

"Alright. I love you Daddy." Stella said, giving her father a hug.

"I love you too Stel." Derek told her. He looked at Cristina. "Thanks again.

"Yeah, yeah."Cristina smiled.

Derek walked out the door and Cristina and Stella looked at were he once was.

"He's going to get his princess isn't he?" Stella smiled.

"He's going to get his princess."

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

"No . Go find the resident on call. I'm off work. I will not come up to the hospital just because you can't draw blood."

Meredith though she was done with work. But the interns keep calling her and she was getting emails all the time. She was about to go to Richard. These interns were stupid, and the residents weren't do a thing about it.

Just then, the doorbell rang and Meredith walked over to answer the door.

"It's not my fault you didn't pay attention in Medical School . That just makes you less of a doctor." She said talking into the phone as soon as she answered the door.

Her day had just become the worst day possible. Derek was standing on her door. She looked at him funny seeing as Stella was with him tonight. But somehow he was standing at her door with no kid.

She gestured for him to come in, and she shut and locked the door.

"Can I ask you how you got my personal number? From . And how much did you pay him for the information? I don't know why you even bothered calling me. Talk to the on call resident as I said a few moments ago, and let me do what I do best on my time off? Have a good night . And I will be speaking to Chief Webber about this tomorrow."

She hung up the phone and looked over at Derek. He was standing with his hands in his pockets, and was looking at her.

"Interns these days. They have to call us for everything. And the residents aren't much help either." She sighed. "What are you doing here? You have Stella tonight."

"She's with Cristina."

"With Cristina?" Meredith asked. "Why is she with Cristina?"

"Because I had some business to take care of." Derek told her. "Is that my shirt?"

Meredith looked down. It was a dark blue t-shirt that Meredith stole from Derek. She wore it to bed a lot and around the house. "I guess it is. I had it ever since I left."

"I see." He smiled.

She sat down on the couch and he stood standing. She sat in silence as she waited for him to speak.

"I think we owe it to Stella to try again."

"Derek..."

"No Meredith. I owe it to Stella for her to have a family. And I owe it to you. I know I haven't been the best man for you. I hurt you so many times that trusting me with your heart puts you on edge. But I can't take it anymore Meredith. I need you. I _need_ you. I love you with everything I am. And even after all these years I still feel the same way about you as the day I met you in the bar. But Merdith I'm only a man. A man that messes up and takes what he has for granted. Who choses wrong. Who kissing other girl and regrets it a second later because she doesn't have honey blonde hair or a heart that compares to yours. I'm a man that has a ton of flaws. But I'm also a man that is completely in love with you. So why won't you just let me love you?"

"Because life isn't all rainbows and butterflies Derek! It's hell most of the time. But it's also reality. You can't always get what you want. And we had our chance. That chance is gone." She spoke loudly. "And while we're laying everything down on the fucking table..." She said as she slapped her hand on the coffee table. "...the fact is I will never trust you again with my heart. And you're damn lucky I'm trusting you with my daughters."

"She's our daughter Meredith. When will you get that in your thick skull that we created her together?"

"When you get through yours we're through."

Derek looked at her. "So just like that you're giving up?"

"I gave up a long time ago."

"You're impossible."

"Go home to Rose, Derek." Meredith cried.

"I broke it off with her before I came here." Derek said looking at Meredith. "So there you have it." He went and sat down on the couch beside her and grabbed her face.

"Why do you hate me so much?"

"Because I'm hoping the more I hate you, the less I'll be in love with you."

They looked in eachother's eyes, and both knew what was to come. Derek pulled Meredith towards him and gently kissed her lips. Meredith responded back and Derek deepened the kiss. Meredith moaned as she felt his tongue battle with hers. He put her bottom lip between his teeth and began sucking on it. It was a kiss of passion and lust.

It was a kiss ment for lovers at heart.

Derek stood up pulling Meredith with him. He took her in his arms and carried her upstairs to her bedroom. They never broke the kiss and moans and soft whimpers were escaping their lips.

When Derek arrived at the bedroom, he sat Meredith down on the bed. He took that time to remove his shirt. He moved back over to Merdith and slowly eased his body down on hers. He kissed her again, and slid his hands under her shirt. Finally, he eased the shirt up over her head.

Her fingers reached for his button on his pants, and slowly began sliding his jeans down. Soon, they were stripped of everything, and nothing but skin was between them.

"Let me make love to you Meredith." Derek whispered in her ear before looking in her eyes.

"Make love to me." She spoke into the night.

**So I know how happy you are all getting right now, but slow down there. This isn't the end. We're far from it. I hope you all enjoyed and I'll be back soon for another update. Please keep the reviews and story alerts coming. I love them all! You guys are the best. (Again) Review!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

Meredith laid awake in Derek's arms. It was almost two hours before they both had to get up and go to work.

She was comfortable. And for once in a long time she felt safe again. She didn't regret it, and she didn't think it was a mistake. But she couldn't bring herself to trust him. No, no she couldn't.

Looking back and the man who once held her heart, she smiled. He looked peaceful and satisfied. And that scared her.

Meredith got out of bed and made her way into the bathroom. She grabbed her straightner, make-up, and bathing products and stuffed them in her bag. She went and put on some clothes before going downstairs and locking the apartment up. Derek had an extra key, and he knew his way out.

Avoiding. It was her biggest problem, but today she wanted to be in her own world. And she was going to do just that.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGA

When Meredith arrived at work, no one else she knew was there. It was awhile before anyone would be in. She went into the attending lounge and fixed her hair and make-up, after taking a quick shower. She walked down to the lobby and got a cup of coffee before looking in the intern locking room.

She went in and smiled. Things were very different there, yet still the same. She noticed some of the interns coming in and getting dressed. They looked at her with a shocked looked before getting dressed.

"Listen up." She yelled at them. They all looked at her. "I know this is rare. And it doesn't happen a lot that an attending comes in and does this. But who knows what speciality they want to go into? Or have an idea?"

Mostly all the interns raised their hands. She nodded.

"Okay. Keep your hands up if neuro is your speciality."

Five interns kept their hands up. All were guy except one. "Ah I see. Well today is your lucky day. I have back to back surgeries today and you six are all scrubing in. Let's just say my little treat."

The interns all started high fiving eachother and hurried to get dressed. The girl came up to Meredith. "I just want to say thank you. And I admire your work a lot."

"Thank you." Meredith smiled. "Now let's get rounds started."

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Derek woke up to an empty bed. And it didn't surprise him one bit.

Last night was filled with a lot of ups and downs, and he figured this was what Meredith was going to do. He knew her like the back of his hand. He decieded to get up and make the bed, then go get Stella and take her for breakfast.

When he finished making the bed, he got dressed and started making his way out of Meredith's. He locked the door and turned around, only to bump into someone.

"Oh I'm so sorry." He heard a voice. He looked up and saw a small blonde standing in his way. But this blonde wasn't Meredith.

"It's fine. I'm sorry I didn't see you." He smiled. She was pretty. And very nice.

"I guess you could say it's a little early." She laughed. "Do you live here?"

"No, um. It's complicated."

"Oh it's your girlfriend's. I see."

"No, not my girlfriend's." He told her. "It's a long story. Do you live around here?"

"My sister does. I spent the night with her last night. She went through a break up and you know how that goes. Well maybe not because who would ever want to dump you." She said before putting a hand over her mouth.

Derek laughed at the girl. She was young, but still older. "You would be surprised."

"I doubt it." She held out her hand. "Alyssa."

"Derek."

"Well Derek, I better get on the road before I'm late for work." Alyssa spoke. "But maybe we could get coffee sometime."

"Yeah, I would like that." Derek told her.

"Me too." She said looking his eyes. "Um, let me get your number."

"Oh, yeah." He grinned. They exchanged numbers and both said their byes before parting ways.

Derek went and got in his car. He sat there before turning it own. "Alyssa." He spoke. "Hm."

GAGAGAGAGAGAGA

"So Daddy..." Stella smiled. Her and Derek were at a breakfast cafe' eatting breakfast. Stella was sipping on her chocolate milk, while Derek had some coffee. They were waiting their food. "...what did you do last night?"

Derek spit up his drink some. She was almost four and as smart as could be.

"I had something I had to take care of. What did you and Aunt Cris do?"

"I know you saw Mama, Daddy. It's okay, I can keep a secret." Stella giggled. "Did she say she missed me? I miss her. Mama's my number one." Stella said holding up her finger.

"What about me?" Derek said, faking hurt.

"Oh you're the best Daddy." Stella assured him. "I'm a Daddy's girl. What could you say?"

"You're also a Mama's girl. That's for sure." He whispered.

"Aunt Cris told me you and Mama had to get familar with eachother again. Then she smiled a weird smile. Daddy what's that mean? I asked her but she said to ask you or Mama. What's that mean?"

Derek looked at his little girl. He was going to kill Cristina. But he was pretty sure Meredith would beat him to it.

"I...I..." Derek stumbled for words. "It just means we had to talk Stella. That's all."

"Oh. Well that's no fun."

Derek coughed on his drink once again. "Excuse me?"

"That what Uncle Mark says Daddy."

"Yeah, don't repeat your Uncle Mark." Derek demanded.

"Am I in trouble Daddy?" The little girl frowned.

"No, just..." He was a sucker. "No baby you're not." By that time the food came. Stella got happy once again, and Derek sighed.

She was growing up too fast.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Meredith walked into the scrub room. She the other interns were in the OR and already preped. She smiled. Five interns. They would be like her and the other fellows some day. That was her eight years ago. And today she was the teacher. It was a day to give back, and a day to treat.

She finished scrubbing in and walked into the OR.

"Are you all standing were I told you to stand?" They all nodded. "Good, let's get started. It's a beautiful day to save a life."

GAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Meredith sighed. She had done two successful surgeries that morning, and the interns were on go mode. They were alive and on a personal high.

"God this is amazing." One of the interns said.

"Who would..."

"Do drugs." Meredith in unison with the girl intern. "I know. I said that many years ago myself."

They were all leaning against the wall on the OR floor. Meredith looked at her watch. "We've got thirty minutes tell our next surgery. Go fresh up and meet me back here at then."

Four of the interns left, but one stayed behind. It was one of the guys. Meredith looked at him.

"You better hurry. It looks like their leaving without you." Meredith laughed.

"I'm okay. I fresh enough." He told her. "Can I treat you to a coffee? You're doing this treat for me so I thought maybe I could treat you?"

Was this intern flirting with her? Meredith grinned.

"You sure can." She said turning to walk away, him following her. They started making their way to the lobby.

"Can I ask you something?" The intern said.

"Sure..."

"Broady. Broady Thomas."

"Okay ." Meredith smiled.

"How did you know Neuro was for you? Why not Cardio or Plastics?"

"First of all.." Meredith told him. "..Plastics was never in the picture. I thought about General because of my mother, but Neuro gave me a high that nothing else could. Something about the brain. It makes you sense everything about your body. Maybe the person that taught me everything I know about it was inspirting I don't know. But when you get to that speciality and you feel like it's the right kind of surgery for you, you'll know."

"There's something different about Neuro I like. But the Residents never help us with anything and never let us scrub in."

Meredith looked at him. "They never help you?"

"No." Broady shook his head. "Everyone thinks we're stupid when really the Residents never let us do anything. They make us do their charts and that's it. Everytime we try to take blood or put in a central line but they do it for us."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

Meredith nodded. "Maybe their trying to show you how to do it?"

"We try to learn but they just call us names and do it themselves."

"I'll talk to them." Meredith assured him.

"Don't say my name." Broady begged her. "Please?"

"I won't. Promise." She smiled. Soon a little voice was calling her name. Meredith turned around and giggled.

"Mama Mama Mama!" Stella exclaimed. "I missed you."

Meredith bent down and picked up her little girl.

"I missed you too."

Derek walked up behind Stella and smiled at his daughter.

"Daddy took me to breakfast. And I spend the night at Aunt Cris's. We had fun."

"That's good. I'm glad." Meredith looked down at her watch. "Stel, I got to go. Go with Daddy."

"But Mama..."

"I'll get you tonight and take you to dinner. How's that sound?"

"Okay Mama!" She smiled. "I love you."

"I love you too baby girl." She looked at Broady. "Ready?"

"Yes ." He turned. " ." He nodded.

Derek nodded and looked at Meredith.

"Can we..."

Meredith and the intern walked off.

"I guess not." He said, taking Stella in his arms.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Meredith was in surgery. It was a little boy. He had a brain tumour and Meredith was trying like hell to take it out but he kept coding.

"What the hell is wrong? Why does he keep coding?" She said outloud.

" his heart is in destress."

"Page now!" Meredith yelled. His brain was bleeding way too much. Were was all this blood coming from.

"Damn it!"Meredith cursed. She paniced. "Check his chart."

" ."

"Check his damn chart. What has he been on?"

" maybe you knicked something." A nurse said. It was Rose of course.

"I know what the hell I've been doing." That moment, Cristina walked in.

"What happened?"

"His heart is in destress."

"He's coding." A nurse said.

"Start compressions." Cristina yelled. " we're going to have to open him up."

"Fine ."

Suddenly his heart stopped completely. And the room flooded.

"There's too much blood." Meredith spoke.

"There's no getting his heart to start again." Cristina told her.

Meredith sighed. She looked at the screen. "Time of death, 11:27."

The door to the OR swung open.

"What in the _hell_ happened in this OR?" Richard said in a low growl.

GAGAGAGAGAGA

"You will go and talk to the parents. You will explain to them what happened in a nicely manor. You will pray to the god above that they don't sue you for all you have. You understand me?"

Meredith and Cristina stood infront of the Chief, Derek, and Teddy outside the OR Scrub Room. Meredith nodded and began walking towards the waiting room. Cristina looked at Richard.

"Does this mean I'm in trouble too?"

" , was the surgent on the case. You were called in and it was too late. That makes responsible. Go tell the parents what you were in there for, then mind your own business understood?"

"Yes Sir." She said as she started walking behind Meredith.

"What do you think happened?" Richard asked.

"I know that from the stress of his brain it shut down his heart." Teddy told them. "That's clear as day."

"Meredith spoke like he was bleeding out before she even got in there. But it's still under her name." Derek sighed.

"This is just great." Richard said. "Let's follow and see what the parents say."

GAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Meredith and Cristina walked into the waiting room downstairs.

"There they are." Meredith sighed.

"Look, just take a deep breath and calm down. What happened in there wasn't your fault. It was someone elses."

"Easy for you to say. You weren't the surgent on the case." Meredith said before walking off. Cristina stayed behind. Richard, Derek, and Teddy caught up with her.

"Are those the parents?" Richard asked.

"Yeah." Cristina said before taking off.

Meredith sat down next to the mother and turned to look at her. By that time, the other four were there also.

" ..."

"No. Please don't say it. Please don't.." The mother cried.

"I'm so sorry." Meredith spoke with tears in her eyes.

The husband looked over at her. " , what..what happened?"

"I...I don't know. We don't know. When I opened your son up he...there was a lot of bleeding. A lot. I just couldn't get it under control. There was just too much. That's when I page down. She's one of our best Cardiotherastic Surgents here. Tommy's heart stopped from all the stress on his brain. I'm going to go back and look at everything to see what happened. I can't figure out why there was so much...blood." Meredith said. "I can't tell you how sorry I am. I am very, truly..."

"Like hell you are." yelled. "I'm getting lawyer. You killed my son. You opened up his brain and didn't know a damn thing. Don't blame my son for his own death. This is your goddamn fault. And I'm sueing your ass for everything you have . I'm sueing you."

Meredith nodded. "I'm not blaming your son. I would never do that. I'm just stating that something else might have been wrong..."

"He was fine. All he needed was his tumor taking out an you batched it. So for that , you can go to hell."

Meredith got up and walked away avoiding all the stares she was recieving.

"You took him from us!" He yelled. "And for that I will take everything away from you."

And Meredith got on the elevator and left.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGA

" , , and you can leave." Richard said. "This doesn't involve you anymore."

The three got up and left, and that Meredith. It was quiet, then Richard spoke.

"You're suspended. From everything here. At least tell the attornies and the board come in two days. That should give you time to come up with something. Then they'll decied what happens. I do want to help you Meredith. And I do believe that this wasn't your fault. But something went wrong. And with great leadership, comes great responsibliity."

"I'll need to see the chart." Meredith told him. "It's the only thing that can help prove me right. And I don't want to go blaming this on someone else. But maybe one of the interns didn't give him the right prescription. The one thing that crossed my mind was blood thinners. That would be something that would come up with a lot of blood."

"I'll try and get the parents to commit to an autopsy."

"This hasn't been my week Dad. I can hardly keep breathing." She cried. "I don't know how much longer I can keep up."

Richard got up and walked around the table. "I will help you as much as I can. Go home and rest. Don't come back tell the meeting. I'll get you a copy of the chart. Don't tell anyone I'm doing this. I'll also pull the file."

Meredith nodded.

"Come on. I'll get it so you can go home and rest."

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Meredith finished getting changed and put the paperwork into her bag. Cristina sat silently beside her. Times like this, it was better to say nothing at all.

Stella came running in the room, and Meredith stayed quiet. Derek walked in behind her and stood quietly also.

"Ready for dinner Mama?"

Meredith sighed. "Look Stel, Mama's had a bad day. I promise I'll take you soon."

"You never want to spend time with me." Stella cried. "Only Daddy does. And Aunt Cris, and Uncle Mark and Aunt Lexie. But you never do."

"It's not that Stella I promise it's not."

"Don't pinky promise me." Stella told her mother.

"Stella I'm sorry." Stella ran out of the room and Derek went to go get her.

"I'll get her." Cristina told them before running after her.

Meredith turned back around to finish packing her back.

"I need you to take Stella for a couple days. Just until this meeting blows over and I'm in the clear."

"Are we going to talk about last night?" Derek asked.

"No Derek."

"I figured."

"Look Derek..." Meredith yelled spinning around. "...my ass is on the line here. I may lose my job and my licences. I love surgery as much as you do. You should understand better than anyone else what kind of state I'm in. Now I'm asking one thing from you right now and that's if you can take Stella for two days. You can either help me, or leave."

Derek's jaw clench. "It doesn't matter what state you're in Meredith you're never ready to talk."

"Well give me a few days and maybe I'll be better." Meredith told him.

"I'm done giving you time Meredith. If you really wanted me, you would have already said so."

"I have nothing to give you right now Derek. I have nothing at all. So please just take Stel for a couple days and then I can take her."

"She misses you."

"And I miss her!" Meredith cried. "Do you think I want to be like my mother? This is killing me. But I'm about to lose everything I worked for."

_"You're about to lose your family Meredith. Think about that." _

And he left her.

**Don't I know how to flip a situation? Haha. So you all should be glad I'm in bed sick. This means more updates for you all! I've got a lot planned and I'm trying to fit it all in. With every Mer/Der story, there's a happily ever after. 3 Please review and tell me what you thought of the chapter. I'm getting great reviews and I can't help but smile at them all. You guys make me happy! Please keep them coming. Bye guys!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten**

Cristina and Alex stood at the nurses station on the conference floor, eating donuts. It had been two days since the horrific surgery that went on, and everyone was avoiding the matter. They went on like nothing happened, and no one dared to ask questions at this point.

"Man these donuts are pretty damn good." Alex moaned.

"Don't ever moan infront of me again. Save it for Barbie." Cristina scoulded him.

"You're just jealous." He smirked. Izzie, Lexie, and George walked up.

"Jealous about what?" Izzie asked.

"That me and you are having sex and she's all alone."

"Not for long Evil Spawn." Cristina laughed. Mark and Derek came up. Mark grabbed one of the donuts and moaned too.

"These our great. Who got them?"

"My patient's wife got them for her husband. But seeing he can't eat tell after surgery..." Cristina grinned.

"You are so evil." George said, looking at her with fake disgust.

"Oh whatever." She said rolling her eyes.

"How's Stella?" Izzie asked Derek.

"She's my little girl. Smiling and giggling as always."

"She's also getting an attitude like her mother." Mark laughed. But no one joined him. "Wow. Now _that's_ a tough crowd."

"Has anyone heard from Meredith?" Izzie asked again.

It was silent.

"I went over there five times. Five times." Lexie spoke. "And no one was there at all. I let myself in because I have a key of my own. I figure she wouldn't answer the door for anyone so.." Lexie sighed.

"I called her. And I went over there. You know Meredith. You have to talk some sense into her before she does something irrantional. But no answer. To either." Cristina shrugged.

"I texted her but she never replied." Alex told them all.

"She's never called me." Derek spoke.

"Did you call her?" Mark asked.

Derek was silent. "No."

"See Man, you got to put yourself..." Mark was interupted.

"Can you tell me where Richard Webber's office is?"

"Can you tell me where your bed is?" Cristina mumbled. Lexie laughed and George hit her on the arm.

He had dirty blonde hair and green eyes. He was slim, but had muscles. He was average heighth, and he wore a business suit.

They all took in his image before they spoke.

"He's on the second level." Derek told him. "You can go on the elevator and take level two and go towards the north wing. Or take level one, go up the stairs and his office is right there. It's all glass so it's not hard to find. I could page someone him for you if you would like also."

"Oh I wouldn't want to interupt your _breakfast_."

"I'm a health nut anyways."

"Trust me, you wouldn't be interupting. Nurse! Page the Richard." Cristina said before turning and smiling at him. "So what bring you here today?"

"Well there he is!" Richard said walking down the stair. Everyone turned to look at the Chief. He was walking with Meredith by his side.

"Ah, Richard." The man smiled before walking towards him. Everyone looked at eachother.

Meredith was wearing an a tight short pencil skirt, with a black blouse. She wore red pumps, and her face was fixed with bright red lipstick. Her hair was straight, and fell short on her shoulders.

They watched as the three interacted.

"I'm Riley Princeton, the attorney. You must be Meredith Grey." He held out his hand, she took it.

"And I wish, I wasn't at the moment." She laughed.

"I'll take good care of you." He assured her with a smile.

"I hope so."

"Know so." They both laughed. Even Richard.

"Well can I get you some coffee while we go over some things?" Riley asked Meredith.

"Sounds like a plan." She smiled. They said their goodbyes to Richard, and walked towards the elevator.

"Someone please sue me now." Cristina smirked.

Everyone looked at her. "Not funny." They said in unison.

"He wouldn't go for you anyway Yang. His type is blondes with big..."

"What are you implying Mark?" Lexie asked.

"Babe you know what I'm saying."

"Well don't finish that sentence." Lexie told him.

"Yeah. Don't." Derek agreed.

Richard walked over and looked at them. "What are you all doing?"

They all stood up straight.

"That's what I thought. Get to work. Now." They all scurried off. He laughed while taking a donut. "Surgents."

GAGAGAGAGAGA

Meredith and Riley walked into the conference room. Mr. Morgan and his attorney was there, including some other people and some of the board.

Meredith sighed. Her and Riley had gone over some things of what to do and say. She was worried.

She shook all their hands and took a seat.

It was going to be a long day.

GAGAGAGAGAGA

She looked at the attorney across from her. Then she looked at Mr. Morgan.

"Four minutes." Meredith spoke.

"It took you four minutes to decied the he was dead. That it was time to call it."

"It took Dr. Yang and I a minute to know we had to open him up. Then he flat lined and we spent two minutes on that. Dr. Yang and I came to the conclusion that the bleeding couldn't be kept under control, and that his heart would never start again."

The attorney and the board nodded.

Meredith swallowed. They had been in the same room for three hours asking different questions and writting down different things. She was tired and hungry. Thirsty too.

"We'll break for lunch then meet back here in an hour tops." A man said.

Meredith and Riley nodded, getting up and walking out of the room.

"Don't speak tell we're out of their hearing range." Riley spoke softly to her.

"Okay."

"No speaking." He smiled. They walked over to the elevators and got in. Luckly it was just them.

"We'll go to lunch and discuss a few things."

"How do you think it's going?" Meredith asked.

"Personally? Not like I want it to go." Riley told her. "I need to reverse it. This is a hard case. It's a kid that died. They're more sympathetic. That act he's putting on, it's to make sure you have nothing left when you walk out of that room. Yeah he's upset that he lost his son, but he wants nothing more than for you to be left empty. And not just for what you worth."

"I honestly don't know what happened to him. It bothers me I don't know. When I walk into the OR, I know what to do. I'm sure. I'm positive. And his surgery was just a simple tumor disection. But as soon as I got in there blood was everywhere. That's when his heart started dropping because I was trying to stop the bleeding and take the tumor out."

"I told you I would find a way to get you out of it Dr. Grey. And I will." Riley assured her.

"Please call me Meredith. Dr. Grey is when I'm practing medicine. Right now I'm on the edge of having that all riped away so..."

"Don't speak that way. Clients like that never get their way."

"I...okay." She sighed.

"Look, let's just get lunch and relax for an hour. Then we can go back to fighting this battle. Okay?"

Meredith nodded and they stepped of the elevator.

She was ready for today to be over.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGA

"We're not betting on this." Cristina told Mark.

"Come, Five big ones says she gets blamed and sleeps with attorney to make herself feel better."

"We're _not_ betting on this. This isn't something to bet about." Cristina sturnly said.

"Not betting on what?" Derek asked, walking up with a chart in his hand.

"Meredith winning or losing this law suit. And her not having a job or a licenses to practice medicine." Mark said. "Oh, and can't forget about warming up the bed with that attorney." He winked.

Derek looked at his best friend. He handed the nurse the chart and walked off.

"Idiot. Go after him!" Cristina yelled. Mark rolled his eyes and took off after Derek.

"Hey Man, I'm sorry. I know it's a rough subject."

"Mark I don't care."

"That's the biggest..."

"I got a woman's number."

Mark looked at Derek. "You what?"

"I was coming out of Meredith's the other day and I bumped into her. We talked, got eachothers number and names and left. She was pretty, sweet, and I took notice in that."

"Dude, you've been trying to make it work with Meredith ever since she got back and told you she had your kid. And not just any kid, my sweet little niece Stella. So what the hell man? What. The. Hell?"

"I thought you would be proud of me?"

"Proud of you? Derek I'm not your mother. You're not my son. I'm not proud of you. If you want to go get some other girls number and go date some other girl that's fine. But make up your damn mind. If you want Meredith you're going to have to prove it to her. You say you love her and you want her, but do you really? She's says she can't trust you, and you tell her to stop avoiding you, but open your eyes Derek. If you want her to trust you, you don't go after another woman. And you _defeantly _don't get another woman's number. That's not how_ trust_ works."

"Who are you to talk about trust? You sleep with my ex-wife Mark? I couldn't trust you?"

"That may be true Derek, but I also am not the love of your fucking life Derek. I'm not the one you can't stop thinking about, or the one you want to be with for the rest of your life. Well I hope not at least."

"Stop trying to side with Derek."

"I'll stop siding with Meredith, when you stop siding for someone you don't want."

GAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Lunch had passed, and so had another three hours in that dreadful room. It was getting late.

"I don't get how that's fair." Riley stated.

"Well if there isn't another reason, there isn't anyone else to point the finger to except Dr. Grey."

Meredith sighed.

"I'm sorry but my client didn't kill that patient. When she opened him up, he was already bleeding out. Their must have been something wrong else where."

"Then why didn't Dr. Grey catch it before?"

Riley shook his head. He went to speak, but was cut off.

"Dr. Meredith Grey is found guilty. Her remains of her job and licenses remain in the hands of the Surgical Board of Washington. Thank you for your time and words. Have a good night." The attorneys and Mr. Morgan stepped out of the room. Meredith put her hands in her hands. She wouldn't cry. Not here. Not in front of Riley and the board.

"Dr. Grey." Mr. Jennings said. She didn't look up. "Meredith."

She looked up at him.

"They're going to decied what they want. And the fact that you can't come up with a reason this has happened doesn't look good. I'm sorry Meredith." He paused. "Why don't we go talk with Richard? I don't really want to repeat myself twice."

Meredith nodded before standing up. Riley followed her out along with Mr. Jennings.

When she got outside, she felt a bad feeling. She had all day.

She knew what was about to happen.

GAGAGAGAGAGA

"...I'm sorry Richard."

Meredith sat still.

"This is un believeable. She didn't kill that boy. She was just doing her job and..."

"No matter what you say the decison has been made. Meredith Grey is no longer a surgical fellow of Seattle Grace Mercy West as of today. I'm sorry." Mr. Jennings spoke his last words and stepped outside.

Riley had already. He wasn't needed for anything else, and both Mr. Jennings and Richard sent him on his way.

Richard looked at Meredith.

"I will get you out of this Meredith if it's..."

"I just want to be alone right now." Meredith whispered before getting up and walking out of the office.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGA

"Anyone heard about Meredith?" Alex asked.

"Nope." Cristina said.

They were all getting dressed to go home. It had been a long day.

"She'll tell us the good news tomorrow when she shows up getting dressed in her scrubs." Izzie smiled.

"I hope so." George sighed.

"Let's go home." Cristina spoke.

GAGAGAGAGAGA

"Did you have a good day?" Derek asked Stella.

"Yeah Daddy. I played with my friends. And had snacks too." She giggled.

"That's good. You want to stop and get something to eat on the way home?"

"Daddy is Mama still here?"

Derek looked up at his daughter. They had just got in the elevator.

"What do you mean Stel?"

"She hasn't called and talked to me. And she normally does. I know I ran away from her. And I am sorry. I miss my Mama."

Derek felt sorry for his daughter.

"She misses you. I saw her today and she said she loves and misses you."

"Really?" The girls eyes lit up.

"Yeah. She said she's sorry she hasn't called. She's just in some trouble."

"Tell her to put on her sad eyes. Like I always do. That makes them feel sad."

"So that's what you do when your in trouble.." Derek laughed.

"Shh. It's a secret." Stella smiled, putting her finger to her mouth.

GAGAGAGAGAGA

Meredith stood at the cat walk over looking the lobby. Nurses were busy working, and doctors were going home to their families.

She watched as she saw Stella and Derek exit one of the elevators the same time her friends did. Mark and Lexie stood up from one of the chairs out of the corner, and Stella ran to them all.

Stella had a good family. And it looked like she was okay. Meredith whipped her eyes and laughed, but the tears still came.

She would miss everyone and everything. She felt bad for how much she took everything for granted.

The big family started walking out of the hospital, and Meredith continued to silently cry. She then noticed a pair of eyes looking up at her, and a small body take off.

Stella ran towards her mother. Meredith smiled through the tears and started walking towards her little girl. She reached the bottom of the stairs, and Meredith bent down. Stella leaped into her arms.

"Mama." Stella whispered.

Meredith cried. Even with three days passed, she still missed her child.

"I'm sorry Mama."

"I'm sorry baby girl." Meredith told her daughter. "More sorry than words can describe."

"It's okay Mama. I just wanted to have a girly day like we did before. That's all."

"I want nothing more than to have a girly day." She laughed.

"Good Mama. Can we go home and watch movies. Mr. Giggles really wants to see you. He told me so."

Meredith smiled. "I missed Mr. Giggles."

THe group walked over to the mother and her daughter.

"Meredith." Lexie spoke.

"What did they say?" Cristina asked.

"They uh.." Meredith froze. "I'm in the clear."

Everyone cheered and Meredith tried to put on a smile. Stella walked over to Derek.

"I want to stay with Mama tonight."

Derek looked at Stella. "Your Mama's probably tired. It's best you..."

"I told her it was fine." Meredith told him. "She can come home with me."

Derek looked at her. "Okay then. Give me a kiss Stel."

Stella hugged her father and gave him a kiss. Derek handed her Stella's bags and Meredith took them.

"I need to get my bag Stel so we'll have to go back upstairs."

"Okay Mama. Let's go." She said, grabbing Meredith's hand. Meredith said goodbye and walked off with Stella in hand.

GAGAGAGAGAGA

"I promise I will make more time for girl's night." Meredith told Stella. They were cuddled up next to eachother, and were talking.

"I know Mama. I just miss us having play dates, and beauty days."

Meredith laughed at her daughter. Beauty dates were spa days. And Meredith missed those too.

"I'll have time to do those things with you. I'll start making time."

"Okay." Stella smiled. "I'm sleepy Mama. Can I sleep in your bed tonight?"

"Of course." Meredith told her. They walked upstairs and crawled into Meredith's bed. It had been a long day. And Meredith was ready to close her eyes.

Maybe everything around her would just fade away.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGA

It was late afternoon the next day, and Richard had kept himself in his office the whole day.

He didn't want to see Yang's sad face, or complants from Derek or any of the rest of them. But now he had no choice, he was hungry.

He got up and opened his door and walked down towards the cafeteria. When he got in, he heard a crowd of people call his name.

It was all of Meredith's friends, including Derek and Mark. He sighed to himself and walked over to the table.

"Sir where is Meredith?" Cristina asked.

"Richard I've been trying to call her. Did she take the day off? She took Stella last night and I need to know If I need to pick her up from daycare or if she's home with her?" Derek added.

"I called her for a consult and she didn't answer my page." Lexie said.

"Yeah Trauma paged her too but got no answer." Mark spoke.

Richard looked at all of them. They looked confused. "Did Meredith not tell you?"

The table shrugged.

"She said that she was in the clear and we would see her tomorrow." Izzie spoke for the group.

"Maybe we should go to my office." Richard said. The whole group got up and started walking towards his office.

"Okay then." Richard said to himself.

He made his way around the group and towards the front. He opened the door to his office and took a seat in his chair.

Mark closed the door and everyone stood around. Some taking a seat on the couch.

"What happened Chief?" George asked.

"Richard?" Derek looked at him.

Richard rubbed his face with his hands before speaking. "Meredith lost the law suit yesterday. Larry Jennings was there and fired her. She couldn't come up with a reason behind the son dying, she took the blame. I've been in my office all day trying to come up with a solution but I can't."

It was still in the office.

"She told us she was okay. That she was in the clear." Derek told him.

"I was in that OR and she couldn't help what was happening." Cristina said.

"Why would she lie to us?" Izzie asked.

"She probably didn't want you all to worry." Richard told them. Suddenly, the phone rang. Richard answered in.

"Yes. I'm with someone at the moment. Yes that will do." He hung up the phone.

"So what is she going to do?" Mark asked.

"I guess..." But Richard was interupted.

"I tired to stop him Chief." Patricia said. An intern stood in front of her. His hands shaking.

"What is it?" Richard yelled.

"I think I can help you."

"With what?"

"Dr. Grey Sir." He said. "Dr. Grey didn't kill that boy."

He nodded.

_"I did."_

Everyone looked from the intern, back to Richard.

**Loonng chapter! Haha. I fell in love with the Meredith/Stella scene. It just poped into my mind when I was writing, and well there you have it. There is hope for Meredith in the end! Literally! Thanks for all the reviews once again. And please tell me what you thought. I'll start writing again and post a chapter very, very soon! Maybe in a couple days or sooner. Review and hope all is well! Oh, and I noticed that last chapter the names didn't come through. I even went back and it still didn't put the names in. I'm sorry about that. Hope it doesn't happen again!**

**Oh, and thanks for all the wishes of me feeling better. I'm offically better! **


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven**

Meredith and Stella were in the kitchen making cookies.

"Mama this cookie is made full of love." Stella giggled.

"God your Aunt Izzie has worn off on you and your baking skills." Meredith said, rolling her eyes playfully.

"You have gotten better at baking cookies Mama. I'm proud."

"You think I have?" Meredith questioned.

"Okay, least there not burnt. Don't get too happy." Stella said.

Meredith laughed at her. "Oh I won't."

It was later in the afternoon. Meredith had spent the whole day with Stella. She turned off her phone sat it on her dresser that morning. She told herself that today was her day with Stella, and no one would distract her from that. If they need her bad enough, they would stop by.

After telling Stella that Meredith would no longer be fixing boo boos at the moment, Stella was excitied about the thought of spending time with her mother. But she was going to miss her friends at daycare truely.

They were busy dancing around the kitchen, and finishing up the cookies, when someone knocked on her door. Except this person was eager for her to open the door.

"I bet it's Aunt Cris. She always does that when she figures her key." Stella told Meredith.

"I'll look." Meredth sighed. She walked over to the door and opened it up.

"Dr. Grey."

Meredith stepped back. "Broady? What are you doing here? Wait, how do you know where I live?"

"I think you should come with me." He told her.

"What happened? Oh god. It's Derek." Meredith started to panic.

"No no no." Broady assured her. "Everythings fine. We have to hurry though."

"Hurry for what? Why are you here?" She asked again.

"It has to do with Mr. Morgan and the attorneys Meredith. You're getting your job back." He smiled sadly.

"What." Meredith said, more of a statement then a question.

"Mama you get to fix boo boos again!" Stella exclaimed.

"Hurry we have to go. Go get dressed." He pushed.

"Uh.." She turned and looked at Stella.

"Mama lets go get ready. Mr. Broady says we need to go, so lets go." She said taking her mother's hand.

"But Stella.."

"We can always have another girly day. You got boo boos to fix." She giggled.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Derek sighed. Him and everyone else was standing around in Richard's office. The attorneys and The Board were on their way.

"Can you believe this?" Richard said with excitiment.

"You're excitied that someone is losing there job?" Derek laughed.

"Meredith is getting her job back. I really didn't want to have to sign that form for Rachel Maddison."

"Rachel Maddison?" Derek asked. "As in...

"Meredith's old Chief." Cristina told him.

"So your saying that Meredith was going back to California..."

"Because that's were she could get a job. Rachel didn't want her to leave and come here. But a promise is a promise." Richard laughed.

"That's interesting." Derek said quietly. Everyone looked over at him.

"I know you all want to be here, but you all have work to do. So get busy. She'll come see you all later I'm sure." Richard told them.

Everyone but Derek and Cristina left.

"Now what..."

"I was in that OR too Chief." Cristina said. "_And_ Meredith and I are best friends."

"I am the head of Neurosurgery. Meredith is the mother of my child, and I love her. Therefore I will not leave this room, even if it cost me my job. And she isn't leaving either." Derek spoke.

Richard looked at Derek. "Fine. You two can stay."

GAGAGAGAGAGAGA

"We have to hurry Dr. Grey. The attorneys and The Board are probably already here." Broady told her.

Meredith was holding Stella's hand, and Broady was walking along the side of her. They had just entered the hospital.

"I need to take Stella to daycare."

"We don't have time."

Meredith looked down at Stella as they walked onto the elevator.

"I'll behave." Stella promised her.

"Okay then Stel."

The elevator dinged and everyone got off. Meredith and Stella walked, Broady leading the way. They got to the catwalk, and she could see the attorneys and everyone in the room. She noticed Derek and Cristina off in the corner. They all turned to look at her.

Stella stopped walking and Meredith turned around. Broady didn't notice, and kept walking on.

"Stel, we got to go." Meredith told her, bending down.

"Please hold me. They're all looking at me." Stella frowned. Meredith turned to look at all the people, then back at her daughter. Meredith sighed and picked her daughter up.

They got around to the Richard's office, and Broady opened the door. Meredith walked in with Stella and set her down. Stella instantly hid behind Meredith.

Broady closed the door and everyone just looked at eachother.

_This is awkward._ Meredith thought.

"So can someone tell me why an intern was beating down my door in this late afternoon?" Meredith asked.

No one answered her. One of the attorneys that was a lady, looked at Meredith.

"How about you sit down Dr. Grey."

Derek polietly stepped around one of the attorneys.

"Stella." He whispered at her. Stella looked over at him. "Come here."

"They're looking at me!" She whispered back to him loudly. Meredith turned to looked at her.

"Go to Daddy, Stel." She told her.

"Is that your daughter?" The lady asked.

"Yes."She said smiling.

"She's beautiful. She looks like you. How old is she?"

Meredith looked at Stella. "Can you tell the nice lady how old you are?"

"Um, three. But I'll be four in two weeks." Stella said with excitment.

"That's fun. What do you want for your birthday?"

"A puppy." Stella exclaimed.

_"Oh boy."_ Meredith and Derek said in unison. She looked at them and laughed.

"I'm guessing your her father."

"Yes, I am." Derek smiled at her.

"That explains the eyes." The lady laughed.

"Everything about her makes her just like her mother." Derek said looking at Meredith. "But the eyes defeantly came from me."

"I can tell." She smiled. "Well Dr. Grey if you could sit down for me, it will only take a minute."

Derek went and picked up Stella, going to stand back by Cristina. Meredith walked over to one of the chairs in front of Richard and sat down.

"Dr. Thomas if you could please take a seat too." Broady moved over to the chair beside Meredith.

"Now Dr. Thomas, if you will tell Dr. Grey what you told us and Dr. Webber."

Broady nodded and looked at Meredith. Meredith looked at him.

"Dr. Grey, I just want to say first of all I'm very, truly sorry for all the pain I have caused you. You've worked so hard for the career you have, and I'm sure that yesterday almost killed you." He paused. "Dr. Grey I gave Tommy the wrong medication that he was suppose to be on before his surgery. I know you prescribed to him some medications to take, and I gave him the wrong medication. I must have picked up the wrong chart."

"What were you giving him?" Meredith asked.

"Somehow I was carring an chart from Ortho and didn't realize it. The patient that was suppose to have that medication, was on blood thiners."

"That explains him bleeding out." Meredith sighed.

"I'm sorry. It was a stupid mistake. I knew what I did when you opened him up and there was all that blood. I remember the chart saying something about a fifty three year old male, not a seven year old boy."

"Yet you let me take the fall for it."

"I didn't want anyone to get in trouble or to lose their job. I was scared. But when I heard that you officaly lost your job, I knew I had to go to the Chief."

Meredith nodded. "Thank you for being honest."

He smiled.

"So what does this mean?" She asked.

"Well you are no longer being sued." The lady told her. "But as for Dr. Thomas, it's a different story."

"And as for your job..." Mr. Jennings said, stepping in. "You can have it back. It wasn't your mistake, and I apologize for everything. I want you to work here."

By then, Meredith was standing infront of him. "Well I don't know..."

"What..." Mr. Jennings said with wide eyes.

"I'm just kidding." She giggled. "I would love to work here..._again_."

"You're one of the best Meredith. You're mother would be so proud to know that her daughter is well on her way to being one of the top neurosurgents in the world."

"I wouldn't go that far." She smiled.

"We're sorry again for the inconvience Dr. Grey, but it looks like we've got some matters to take care of." The attorney said. "Shall we?"

They walked out of the room, including Broady and Mr. Jennings. That left Meredith, Derek, Stella, Cristina, and Richard.

"I'm so glad you're here with us." Richard said, getting up and hugging Meredith.

"Me too. I'm glad I don't have to move again. I wasn't looking forward to that at all."

"Move where Mama?" Stella asked.

"No where now Stel." She told her.

"I've got some other paperwork to finish. I'll see you tomorrow bright and early." Richard smiled.

Meredith stood there. She looked at Stella, and saw her sad eyes.

"I want the next week off." Meredith stated.

"What?" Richard asked.

"I want the next week off. I deserve it after all this has went on." Meredith told him. "And I promised a little someone I would take them to dinner. And have a beauty day. I like to keep my promises. So I'll see you in a week?"

Richard laughed. "I'll see you in a week."

Meredith nodded before turning towards the door to leave.

"Bye Dad." She said on the way out.

"Bye Dear." He said back. "And bye Stella."

Stella ran over to her grandfather and gave him a hug and a kiss. "Bye Grandpa." And she ran out the door.

When they all got outside, Meredith sighed and turned to face Derek and Cristina.

"Well if anyone can lose their job and get it back the next day it's my person." Cristina smiled. Meredith hugged her. "We don't hug."

"Oh shut up." Meredith laughed. Suddenly, Cristina's pager went off.

"Damn. 911. Got to go. Bye Mer, Bye Stel." Cristina said. "And by McDreamy."

They laughed and Cristina turned to leave.

"Some things never change." Derek sighed.

"No they don't." Meredith said. "Well Stel, you ready to go."

"Yeah, I guess." She spoke.

"What do you girls have planned for this, lovely evening?" Derek asked.

"Oh just playing games, watching movies, maybe a little dinner." Meredith smiled. Stella got excitied.

"How about I come over? I'll bring dinner. I'd like to spend the evening with my _two favorite girls_." Derek grinned.

That did not go unheard by Meredith. She smiled nervously.

"Please Daddy?" Stella begged. "And bring chocolate too. Mama kind of burnt the cookies today."

"You told me they tasted fine?" Meredith giggled.

"I didn't to make you sad Mama. But you tried. That's all that matters." Stella said, hugging her legs.

"Bring dinner. And like Stella said, don't forget the chocolate." Meredith winked.

"Oh I won't." Derek flirted back.

"Come on Mama, you said we could go get our nails pink." Stella told her mother.

"Okay, let's go." She said. She looked at Derek. "See you tonight?"

"It's a da..."

"Don't finish that sentence." Meredith warned before turning back and smiling.

"Daddy's the best." Stella smiled.

"You got that right." Meredith smirked.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Meredith was upstairs picking up her bedroom, when she heard the door open.

"Daddy's here!" Stella exclaimed, running to the stairs. "Daddy!"

Derek went and put down the food on the kitchen counter, before turning to his daughter.

"Hey Baby Girl." He smiled.

"Look Daddy, I got my piggys done." She said, wiggling her toes. "And my nails. They're pretty and pink aren't they?"

"They are very pretty." Derek said. "Is that a flower on them?"

"Duh, you have to get a flower silly." Stella assured him. "You should see Mama's fingers and piggys. There red."

Meredith walked down the stairs laughing.

"Come here _Mama._" Derek smiled. "Let me see your fingers and piggys."

Meredith walked over to him and showed him her fingers and toes.

"Sexy." He mouthed to her, smiling.

"Shut up." She smirked. "What did you bring us?"

"I brought Stella her own little pizza.."

"Cheese?" Stella asked.

"Cheese. And I brought you chicken tortileni. And don't worry, I brought a chocolate cheesecake too."

"Oh you wonderful, wonderful man." Meredith sighed, reaching into the bag.

"I wish you would tell me that more often." Derek told her.

"Don't push it." She said back. "What about for you?"

"I got a salad."

"Health nut." Meredith and Stella said at the same time.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Derek was running around with Stella on his bag. Stella was giggling, and couldn't stop.

She had a bad case of the giggles.

They had got done eating dinner, and Stella was ready to play. Meredith was running behind them, tickling Stella.

"Please..." Stella said through the giggles.

"Okay, okay." Derek said putting her down on the ground, before dropping to the floor himself.

"Come on Mama.." Stella told Meredith.

Meredith sat down on the floor and sighed. She really needed to start jogging again. They sat there for a few minutes catching their breath, before Derek spoke.

"Hey Stella, you know who _hates_ being tickled?" He smirked.

"Uh oh." Meredith gulped.

"Uh oh's right." Derek laughed before pinning Meredith beneath him. "Get her Stella!"

Stella started tickling her mother, and Derek held her down. Meredith also got a bad case of the giggles. They were having fun, until Meredith hit her head on the leg of the coffee table in the living room.

"Ow." She said, touching her head.

"Are you okay Mer?" Derek asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine." She said, up at Derek. She was still underneath him.

"I'm going to go pick out a movie and we can all lay in your bed Mama and watch it." Stella said, running upstairs to her room.

Meredith laughed. "Um, your still on top of me."

Derek smiled. He bent down and put his mouth to her ear. "Yeah, and?" He whispered before moving his lips to her mouth, and kissing them softly. Meredith moaned quietly. Derek pulled back from her, looking down at her. Smiling at her flushed skin, he bent back down and went in for another kiss, this time deepening it. He loved that he had this reaction to her. They continued kissing, and Derek pulled Meredith's lower lip into his mouth, sucking on it. Meredith pulled back and looked at him. "And you call me the tease?" She laughed. He laughed along with her and kissed her again, only to be interupted.

"Uh, what are you doing?" Stella asked, standing midways on the stairs.

Derek instantly pulled back and looked up at his daughter. "I was just helping your Mama get something out of her hair. And I was checking her boo boo on her head."

"Right.." Stella giggled. "Come on the movie is starting!"

Derek got up and went to walk upstairs. "Coming." He smirked, turning to look at Meredith.

"You are cruel!" Meredith cried.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGA

The movie was over and Stella was asleep in her father's arms. Derek got up and sat her back down, tucking her in underneath the covers. He kissed her on the forehead and whispered 'I love you' to her, before walking around the bed to Meredith.

He turned the TV off and bent down next to Meredith, were she was 'asleep.'

He put his hand on her cheek and rubbed her bottom lip with his thumb.

"I know you're not asleep. You want to know how I know? Because you're not snoring." Derek whispered to her.

Meredith laid there before starting to giggled. She opened her eyes and looked at him.

"I'll try to come by and see Stella tomorrow. You two have fun, and enjoy your week off." He smiled. He kissed her softly on the lips. "Goodnight Mer."

He stood back up and turned to leave. "I'm sorry about the other night. I do want to talk. I just had a lot on my plate. I've had time to think about things though. And tonight was a lot of fun. For both I and Stella. I hope that we can spend more time together like that. As a family I mean. It's not all the time we're both together with her, and we should cherish those moments and try to spend more time with her together." Meredith spoke.

"We'll talk when your ready." Derek said. "And as for spending time together with Stella, I would love more than anything to be a family. And not just some nights Meredith. All the time. I hate things can't work out that way."

Meredith sat there silently.

"Well goodnight." He said, before walking out of the room. He stopped at the door.

"I love you both." Derek turned his head slightly. "I hope you know that."

"We love you too." Meredith smiled, and she watched as he walked out of her bedroom. She heard him shut the door downstairs, and she sighed.

She wanted things to be like this all the time. She wanted Derek to be there and instead of leaving, sleeping in bed with her. She wanted Stella to grow up in a family. She missed Derek. She wanted nothing more than to be with him.

But could she really trust him with her heart again?

**I love the lil' family I've created. Ahahahah. (: I hope you all enjoyed the chapter, and the fact that Meredith isn't off to California..again. Please keep reviewing and telling me what you all think. This is really the first story I've written, that I've really clicked with. I'm glad that you all are liking it too! You're all so wonderful, and I hope all is well with everyone. Now it's time for me to shut up, and you to review. (;**


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve**

It had been a few nights since Meredith and Derek had their little talk. He came by for a few minutes here and there to see Stella, while Meredith was off from work.

Her and Stella were downstairs. Meredith was in the kitchen putting up a few dishes, and Stella was in the living room on the couch watching Tv.

She just finished putting up all the dishes that were in the dishwasher, when the doorbell rang.

"Mama, the door." Stella said loudly from the living room.

"Coming." She said as she walked over to the door and opened it. She  
stood in shock, not sure what to do or say.

"Uncle Owen!" Stella exclaimed. She got up from the couch and ran over to one of her many Uncles, and gave  
him a hug. He picked her up.

"I missed you." Stella told him. "I thought I'd never see you again. That made me sad."

Owen looked at the little girl he had grown so close to in California. "I missed you too. I'm sorry you were sad. But I thought I told you to think only happy thoughts?"

"I'm sorry Uncle Owen."

"Oh don't be sorry Stel." Owen assured her. He looked at Meredith, putting Stella down. "Well are you going to look at me all night or come here and give me a hug?"

Meredith smiled and walked over to him, Owen taking her in his arms.

"Owen, what are you doing here? And how did you find out where I lived?" She asked.

"I called Cristina."

"I'm sure you did." Meredith smirked. "I know how you two are. Don't even try to deny it."

Owen blushed. " I'm denying it."

She rolled her eyes. "So back to my other question, why are you here?"

"Well I'd like to talk to you alone if I could?"

Meredith nodded. "It's someones bedtime anyway."

"But Mama..."

"No buts Stel." Meredith told her. "If you ask nicely maybe Uncle Owen will go tuck you in your bed."

Owen smiled, and picked the little girl up. "Lead the way."

Stella giggled and started rambling about different things. Meredith giggled to herself, and made her way upstairs to her bedroom.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

"I needed a change of scenery."

Meredith nodded. "I can understand that."

"And I'm all alone. God, Meredith I'm so lonely." Owen told her. "I might have Jackson..." He looked at Meredith. She just continued to stare at him like it didn't faze her one bit. "I woke up one morning and realized that it was too sunny for me. That's when I knew I just needed to start a new chapter in my life. So here I am in Seattle."

Meredith grinned. "I'm so happy you're here. Stella's missed you. And so have I."

"I missed her too."

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Derek had been over at Meredith's lately. Seeing as Meredith was off from work for a week, he would stop by to see Stella. And Meredith.

Things had gotten better with Meredith. At least he liked to think so. The other night was a step forward for him. But Meredith was always a hundred steps behind him.

It use to feel like that constantly.

He had just gotten off work and decided he would go see Stella. He didn't have a very good day at work, and he needed a big bear hug and kiss on the cheek to make things a tad bit better.

He pulled up to the apartment building and got out of his car, locking it in the process. He sighed, making is way to her door. When he got there, he let himself in seeing it was late. He didn't know if Stella was already asleep, but he hoped not.

It was dark downstairs and Derek noticed Meredith's bedroom door was open. He heard a voice come from her room. It wasn't Cristina's of Izzie's. It wasn't his bestfriend's girlfriend. It was a male voice. A voice he did not recognize.

"I missed you too."

"It's been hard." Meredith said.

"Are you doing okay?" The man asked Meredith.

"I'm living." She laughed.

"By the way..." He heard the man start to say, but he stopped.

Derek decided to make his way into Meredith's bedroom. Both Meredith and the man froze, but then Meredith smiled.

"Hey. I didn't know you were coming by." Meredith said, looking at Derek.

"I just thought I'd stop in and see Stella. It's been a long day."

"You told Stella?" Owen questioned, looking at Meredith. He knew exactly who he was. He was the tall, dark haired, blue eyed man Meredith always spoke to him about.

"Owen what was I suppose to do. You knew I was coming to Seattle. He was going to find out sooner or later. And Stella deserves to have a father like everyone else." Meredith barked back.

"No I'm happy for her." Owen got up from Meredith's bed and walked over to Derek. He held out his hand. "I'm Owen Hunt, one of Meredith's close friends from California. You must be Derek. I've heard SO much about you." He laughed.

Derek smiled. "I'm hoping it's all good, but betting it's on the worse side. Derek Shepherd." He shook Owen's hand.

"You're pretty lucky to have a little girl like Stella. I've known her before she could even crawl and she's just as adorable as can be. You're a lucky guy."

"I think I'm blessed. Not only for Stella." Derek smiled, stealing a glance over to Meredith. Owen noticed what Derek did. Meredith picked up on it too.

"Well I should probably head back to my room. I've got a day planned tomorrow." Owen sighed.

"Business?" Derek asked.

"Owen's a surgeon too Derek." Meredith smiled.

"Really? What specialization?" He asked.

"Trauma." Owen told him. "I was in the army tell about five years ago. I then went to California. That's how I met Meredith. Now, I'm here."

"You moved to Seattle?"

"I'm still getting use to it myself." Owen grinned. "I have to go in tomorrow and talk with the head of surgery at Seattle Grace."

"So we'll be working together." Derek nodded.

"You're looking at the new Head of Trauma." Owen declared.

"Well I hope we can get to know each other better." Derek said.

"If you're not too busy tomorrow, I was going to have Meredith come with me to meet Richard. Maybe we could all have lunch together tomorrow? I know what life as surgeon is like but." Owen offered.

Meredith looked at the two. They were going to be good friends. Owen was a lot like Derek. That was part of the reason they were so close. It just surprised her that Owen was this easy on Derek.

"That sounds great." Derek told them both.

"I'll bring Stella. She would love to eat lunch with her Daddy and Uncle Owen." Meredith smirked. Derek and Owen both rolled their eyes playfully.

"I'll see you both tomorrow then." Owen nodded. "Goodnight."

Both Meredith and Derek watched him walked out of the room. The door downstairs opened and closed, and they turned and looked at each other.

"I like him. He seems nice." Derek spoke.

"He's done a lot for me and Stella. I'm glad he's here. I'm sure Cristina is thrilled."

"No.." Derek said surprisingly.

"Yeah." Meredith assured him smiling. "They've always had some sort of thing for each other."

He nodded. It fell silent.

"How was work?" She asked.

"I did a couple surgeries. Other than that just paperwork. I couldn't wait to get out of there. Oh, Cristina asked me to tell you to call her. I'm guessing it's about the new Trauma surgeon." He smirked.

"I bet it is." She giggled. "I actually wanted to ask you something."

Derek face grew serious.

"Stella's birthday is next week. I've been planning a birthday party. Just something small with OUR friends and family. I know this may be a lot to ask but, I think Stella would really enjoy having her party on your land."

"It's not a lot to ask." Derek told her. "I would love to have her party on my land. I'm thrilled that she loves it as much as she does."

"I'm glad." She giggled nervously.

"Do you need help with anything?"

"I just need to pick up some plates and napkins. Stuff like that. And food."

By then, Derek was laying down on the bed beside Meredith. He was rubbing his face with his hands. "I'd like to go with you to shop. I'd like to be as involved with the party as I can. I haven't been here for her in the past, so I'm going to have to make up for time."

"You can go with me. I understand you wanting to be involved."

"That's not the only thing I want to be involved with."

Meredith looked away from his body.

"Are we going to talk? About what happened last week? Or a few days ago? Are we going to talk ever?" All these questions were being thrown at her.

"I know that you want to get things right. And you want this to all be resolved and go away. It's just a conversation I can't have tonight."

"What a surprise." Derek spoke sarcastically.

She sighed, turning to look at him. He was still laying down, and he looked tired from the day. His eyes were blue, but dark at the same time. His hair was messy, as if he had been running his hands through it the whole day in frustration.

She sat up next to him and ran her fingers through his hair. He looked up at her. She stopped herself from going any further.

Meredith got up from her bed, and from Derek. She walked over to her dresser, and pulled on the handle tell the drawer pulled out. She looked, searching for something particular. She found what she was looking and held in her hands, close to her.

"Here," She said handing him a shirt and pajama pants that were his. "these got thrown in with some of my stuff when I left. The shower's in there." She said pointing to the bathroom that was connected to her room. "Its late and you're too tired to drive. Go take a shower and in the morning you can go back to the trailer and change." She said walking towards the door.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

When Derek got out of the shower, he folded his clothes and set them to the side in Meredith's room.

He walked downstairs and saw that Meredith had fixed him a pallet on the couch.

He looked for her and heard a noise come from the kitchen. She had her back to him, and was busy making something.

Suddenly, she turned around and they both made eye contact.

"I made you a grilled cheese. Seeing as that's the only thing I'm capable of." She handed him the plate and he walked over to the couch. He sat down and sighed.

Meredith got two beers out of the fridge and went to sit next to Derek, handing him one.

They both sat there in silence. Him eating, and her drinking a beer.

When he finished, he popped the beer open, and took a swig.

"You stole it." He whispered.

"I stole what?" She asked.

"My shirt. And my pants." Derek said leaning back on the couch. "This was the same shirt you had on...

"That night we were together." She finished for him. Memories of him ripping his shirt off her crossed her mind. "You asked if that was your shirt and I told you yes."

"I guess that makes us even." He stated.

"How?"

"I stole one of your old sweatshirts a long time ago. Back when Addison came and fucked up our lives. I never told you. And then when you left, I went and pulled that same sweatshirt out. I could still smell a hint of lavender on it. It was a little slice of home away from home."

"My Boston sweatshirt. The one that said Boston. I looked everywhere for it." She spoke softly. "You can have your shirt and pants back."

"I don't want them." He seemed to be down. "If we don't work out in the long run, least you'll have something to cry on." His voice was barely there.

"You were always a optimist. What happened?"

"Life happens. And after awhile you get tired of trying to see the better side of something that is never going to get better." He said bitterly and more loudly.

"Derek, you'll wake Stella." She hushed him.

"I'm so sick of this." He spat, almost in tears.

"Der.."

"I fight. I do my damnedest to make sure everyone is happy. But anything I do never pleases you. I want you. I want you _bad_. I mean, come on Meredith. You're the mother of my child, we made love for Christ sakes!" He exclaimed. "But I'm downstairs sleeping on the couch. When I should be here every night. And not on the couch. Or you should be with me. We could all be happy. There's a spot in my bed for you."

"I told you I'm not doing this tonight." She said getting up. "And if you don't like the couch you can get the fuck out." She said in a low voice, before disappearing upstairs.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Derek clicked on his phone. It was late. Really late.

He couldn't stay on the couch any longer. And he didn't really want to be here when Meredith woke up. He wanted to see Stella, but it would just have to wait.

Getting up from the couch, he folded the blankets and grabbed his phone. He walked up the stairs quietly, and opened Meredith's door. She was sound asleep. He could hear soft whimpers n the dark, but louder snores drowned them out. He saw his clothes still sitting in the corner. Grabbing them, he took one last look at Meredith before walking down the hall.

Stella looked peaceful in the small bed in her room. Derek wondered how such a little person could change things. How a little person, could _change _a person. He walked over to her and left a kiss on her forehead. She suddenly gave a quick smile, before slipping back into her sleep.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Meredith was drving to the hospital. Owen was in the passenger seat, and Stella was in the back in her carseat. She was singing along with radio in her own world.

"So what happened after I left?" Owen asked.

"We talked about Stella and her P-A-R-T-Y. He was excitied but then wanted to talk about something more personal. I shook it off and told him just to stay the night because he was too tired and I didn't want him driving. He took his shower and everything while I went downstairs and made him a grilled cheese."

"Because that's the only thing you can make." Owen smirked.

"Exactly. And after that we sat on the couch and had a beer before we got into another heated argument. He wanted to talk about us and I had already told him no. It ended with me toelling him to leave in a very _mean_ way..." She said because her four year old was in the car. "...if he didn't like my rules. I woke up and he was gone."

"It seems to me like Derek really loves you Meredith. He doesn't seem like the type to run."

"I don't care anymore Owen. I'm done. And he runs."

They had pulled into a parking space, and they went to get out of the car.

"I say you're lying to not only Derek and I, but yourself. And you run too."

And he got out of the car.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Owen walked out of the Chief's office. He was officaly the new Head of Trauma, and was thrilled. He was glad to be somewhere new.

He was hoping him and Cristina could move forward with things. They had always had a connection, and since he was here that had seen eachother every day.

He walked down the catwalk, looking for Meredith and Stella. But instead he found a certain Neurosurgeon.

"Hey Derek." Owen smiled.

"Owen." Derek said back, also returning a smile.

"You want to grab something for lunch? Meredith and Stella should be down in a few. Or at least I'm hoping." Owen chuckled.

"Yeah. Lunch would fine." Derek and Owen took off towards the cafeteria. They went through the line and got their food, and made their way to a table.

They got settled, and Owen began to speak.

"You seem like a very nice guy. And a nice guy who really cares about Meredith."

"I do. I just wish she would let me in.I want to be a happy little family. I want to provide that life for her and Stella, They both deserve that. She's just not letting me take care of them." Derek sighed.

"I moved to California five years ago. I just came out of t4he army, and still wanted to put my skills about medicine to use. I liked it there, but I didn't really have any friends. That was until a year later when Meredith came along. We met at the hospital, and would talk and have lunch together. She was a really good friend. That was all she would ever be though. I met some of her other friends from there through her. Soon there was a group of us. We did stuff together and so on. When Meredith fell pregnant three months later, she came to me. I remember sitting with her on the bathroom floor while she told me the reasons she had escaped from Seattle." Owen told Derek. "She missed you. And she didn't know how she was going to do all this alone. Not keeping the baby wasn't an option for her. She was worried though with work and everything. She was going to be a single mother. I told her I would look out for her as best as I could. She said to me she had never told this to anybody, and not even Crsitina. She told that being a mother deep down was one of her biggest dreams. To prove to her mother that she could do it all and have it all. That she wanted to try. And that meeting you made her feel like she could be somewhat capable of being a mother. But she also said that being a mother was one of her biggest fears. And she was scared to death at that moment."

Derek leaned back in his chair and took it all in. He had never heard any of this from Meredith before. He figured he never would.

"She was in love with you the day she left, and the day she came back, She still is. SHe won't admit it to uoi or anyone else. But she is. I know it. She might be stubborn right now, but she'll come around. Trust is a hard thing to earn. You're just going to have to grn and bear it for a while."

"I have been for eight years." Derek laughed.

"In the four years I've known her, she's never looked at someone the way she looks at you. Or the way you look at her."

"I want nothing more than to be her husband. To build a house with her and have more kids. I want us three to be a family." Derek said.

"Meredith's worked hard to get where she is. Not only as a surgeon, but as a mother. She's going to have to learn to work hard at being a wife. She'll have to ajust to being with someone again. Just don't push her to talk, or into a relationsip. Let her come to you. And when it comes to talking, let her confide in you when she's ready."

Derek looked at Owen. "Thank you. For talking to me about her. About this. And I can slow it down." He smiled.

"I can already tell we're going to be good friends." Owen laughed.

"Welcome to Seatlle."

GAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Meredith and Stella were walking towards the cafeteria, when Lexie walked out.

"Hey!" Lexie exclaimed.

"Aunt Lexie!" Stella smiled. Lexie picked her up and hugged her. Stella started chatting to her about her new shoes Meredith had just bought her. Lexie sat her down after their miny conversation, and Stella took off towards Derek and Owen.

"You okay?" Lexie asked.

"Yeah. Derek and I got into a little tiff but.."

"Oh about that girl." Lexie nodded. "Don't worry Mer, Derek won't call her. He probably doesn't even have her number still."

Meredith looked up at her sister. "What number? What girl?"

Lexie's eyes went big. "Oh that's not what you were talking about."

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Meredith was silent all through lunch. She didn't even look at Derek once.

She soon said that she had errands to run, and it was time to leave. Stella said her goodbyes to Derek, and Owen talked to him for a few minutes before saying goodbye too.

"Meredith." Derek spoke. Meredith just ignored him and picked Stella up. She made her way out of the cafeteria. Owen looked at him.

"Women." He laughed before chasing after her.

Owen finally caught up to her/ "Are you mad at Derek about last night?"

"Do you think you and Stella could go to the movies tonight? Or that park or something? I've got some business to take care of." Meredith told him.

"Yeah, I can take her somewhere. I start work tomorrow so not too late but.."

"Perfect." Meredith said.

"?Are you okay?"

"Perfect." She said again.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Derek walked into the trailer. He had a nice lunch with his girls and Owen today, although Meredith wasn't very plesant.

She sat there the whole time and didn't say a word.

He sighed and stripped out of his coat, pulling off his belt and shoes too. He walked over to the kitchen cabinet and poured himself some scotch. He felt like he need some.

It was just moments later, that a kncok come from his trailer door. He trudged over to the door and opened it.

There stood a furious, dirty blonde. He could tell from her facial expression.

"We need to talk."

**I hate that I haven't updated sooner. I've been so busy getting ready for vacation. I leave tomorrow, but that's not stopping me from updating. I still have to get my writing in. (; I hope you all like Owen becoming an addition to my story. I wanted Cristina to have someone. She can't be lonely forever! I'll try to update as soon as I can. Please review and tell me what you guys thought! Next chapter should be a good one. Mer/Der discussion and a birthday party! But this party will be one you don't want to miss. Review my amazing readers! (: **


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen**

Meredith looked out the window of Alex's car. She sighed.

It was Stella's party today, and they were headed to Derek's. Stella had stayed with her father last night, so she was already there. Izzie and George had rode together, and Cristina and Owen had rode together too, so Alex thought he would give her a ride. Seeing as Meredith had quite a bit to load, Alex would help her.

Meredith had been quiet the past week. She worked and ran errands to get things for Stella and her party, but besides that she was quiet.

And she hadn't spoke to Derek in a week either.

"Mer..." Alex said when they got off the ferry.

Meredith looked at her.

"What happened between you two?"

"What do you mean?"

Alex sighed. "Shepherd always does something wrong, you get quiet, and way back when you would sleep with inappropriate guys."

Meredith giggled and looked at Alex. He was a brother to her. He always looked out for her and Stella.

It fell silent again, and Alex repeated himself. "What's wrong?"

As she looked out the window, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, zoning everything out.

**FLASHBACK**

_"We need to talk now." Meredith demanded, standing outside the trailer door. She noticed Derek had a glass of Scotch in his hand. She didn't know how long he had been drinking, or how much he had consumed._

"What?" Derek spat.

"Are you drunk?" She asked.

"No Meredith. I just poured this before you got here."

She watched as he refilled his Scotch and took a seat at the table. He looked up at her the same time she was looking at him. They sat that way before Meredith spoke.

"How much do you love me?" She whispered, then walking to sit in front of him. Not breaking the eye contact.

"You know I love you. Why do you even..."

"No. How _**much**__ do you love me?"_

Derek looked through her. "You can only tell someone you love them, and that you're in love with them, so much."

"So you would never leave me for someone else." She said more like a statement then a question, before looking down at her hands.

"No. I wouldn't."

Meredith turned her attention to him fully. "Even if a smaller, younger, blonde, petite girl bumped into you? If she was pretty and you noticed?"

Derek looked up.

"Did I hit a nerve?" Derek sipped the drink from his glass.

"I love you. I think that's all that should matter."

"There's more than love to a relationship Derek. Trust and honestly are two of the main keys to one."

"How in the hell would you know? You never bothered to give a relationship a try." Derek spoke.

"I'm not as stupid as you think. And I've had a share of relationships Derek they just never involved you."

"Yet we have fucking kid together." Derek rolled his eyes.

Meredith's hand collided with Derek's face. "Don't speak about her that way. That's your own flesh and blood you're talking about and I don't care how much alcohol you've consumed."

Derek turned his head to face her. "I didn't mean it like that." He growled.

"Well I didn't like the way you said it. Watch your language."

_"I've heard you speak that way more than one occasion. I'm a grown man so you can leave me the hell alone and worry about yourself." _

_"I'll remember that next time you beg for me to take you back."_

Derek stood up. "All you ever do is throw me around. You did it four years ago and you're doing it now. I will admit that I am in love with you, but sometimes love isn't enough. And it sure as hell isn't in this situation."

A silent tear rolled down Meredith's face. She felt so numb she couldn't even feel it. "Why did you take her number?" She spoke softly. Almost so soft you couldn't hear it.

"I was mad that you left that morning after. And I figured you would ignore what happened and not want to talk about it."

"You're unbelievable."

"Well I was right wasn't I? You ran so fast I bet it made your head spin. The only time you want to talk is when it's convenient for you."

"What I don't get is I'm the mother of your child, and you don't have enough respect for me to turn down a girl's number after we spent the night making love?" She cried. "Do you know how that makes me feel?"

"How?" Derek asked, his voice cracking.

"Like I mean nothing to you at all. Like you used my body for some simple need you had."

"That night was not about a simple need. It was about love."

"Oh stop with the love making. Like it means something to you." Meredith snorted.

"How dare you even think that, that doesn't mean something to me. It's special to me. When we make love, I show you how I feel about you. Words can't describe how I feel so I show you. That night was about you, and assuring you that I love you with everything I have and everything I am." His eyes were filled with lust.

"Then why take the girls number..."

"I don't know what you want me to say." Derek said walking up and down the small walk way.

"I swear you're just begging me to leave you."

"You've left me before!" He yelled slapping the kitchen counter with his hand at the same time. "And I spent my days in hell while waiting for you to come back to me. I was like a goddamn corpse."

"You had Rose!"

"Every time I was with her, I could just kill myself for letting you get away. When she and I went somewhere I'd been with you, I couldn't wait to get away. And when she would want to have sex, I would close my eyes and imagine it was you who was underneath me, not her. I could never stop thinking about you. The memories literally made me sick."

"It's going to take a lot more than imagination to convince me Derek. I have a daughter and I can't hurt her in the process of trying to be with you."

_"Fuck Meredith it's never enough! I'm never enough! Stella is my daughter too and I don't want her to get hurt either. But we wont have to worry about that because I'll make sure you and her are both happy."_

"So what happens the next time you run into someone? Or she calls you?"

"Fuck it. I'm done." Derek said, looking at her. "I'm never good enough for you. Everything I say you ignore, and no matter how hard I try I can't win for losing. Fact is I shouldn't have took the number but I did and it's in the past. So get the hell over it so we can all get back to our lives."

"You're an asshole." Meredith cried, getting up and walking towards the door. "I need some time to think."

"Oh, don't bother thinking. I've come up with a thought. Stay the hell out of my life and I'll stay the hell out of yours."

"I hate you, you sorry son of a bitch." Meredith spat. She ran to her car and got in.  
  
**END OF FLASHBACK**

"It's nothing a shot of Tequila can't fix." Meredith said, faking a smile.

"If you need to talk I'm here. I may not be bright and bubbly like Izzie, or sarcastic enough like Cristina, but I still love you."

"Thanks Alex." Meredith smiled. "I love you too. And I knew you always had a softer side."

"Shut up." He smirked. By then, they had arrived at Derek's.

Meredith got out of the car, and Alex help her get things out.

"Mama!" Stella exclaimed. She ran into her mother's arms and giggled. "It's birthday day!"

"Happy Birthday Baby Girl." Meredith giggled. She sat her down and watched as she ran off towards her Uncle Mark. Mark picked her up and swung her arm in circles. She noticed Derek was over there too, and she quickly turned around.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Stella was playing, and the guys were finishing up getting the food ready. Cristina, Lexie, and Meredith stood off to the side talking in their own personal space.

"How did you manage to get all these put together with out talking to Derek?" Lexie asked.

"I put the list together and handed it to him when he picked Stella up the other night. We didn't speak. We just spoke to Stella." Meredith sighed.

"Meredith he's the father of your child. You can't not speak to him. You're co parenting or whatever." Cristina told her.

"I'll figure something out." Meredith sighed. "What about you and Owen?"

Cristina smirked. "Wouldn't you like to know."

Cristina walked off and Meredith yelled behind her. "Bitch!" But suddenly out a hand over her mouth.

Stella stopped playing with her Aunt Izzie and looked over at her Mom. Lexie started laughing.

"Mama that's mean!" Stella yelled.

"I know and Mama's sorry Stel."

"Say sorry to Aunt Cris." Stella demanded.

Cristina smirked. "Yeah, say you're sorry."

Meredith rolled her eyes. "Sorry."

"Come on Aunt Cris." Stella said walking to her. "Let's go play Princesses."

"I'm just really upset Stel." Cristina fake cried.

"It's gonna be okay." Stella hugged her.

Meredith laughed and continued talking to everyone.

"Hey Dad." Meredith spoke, hugging Richard.

"She's getting so big. I miss her being a little baby."

"I know." Meredith sighed. They stood there, watching Derek and Stella chase each other around.

"I know you two aren't on good grounds, but he's a good man and he loves You. He also loves Stella too. You don't have to worry about Stella getting hurt. That's the last thing he wants to do."

Meredith nodded.

"Just have some fun Meredith. It's your little girl's day."

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

"...Happy Birthday dear Stella, Happy Birthday to you!" Every sang along.

Stella leaned in and blew out all of the candles.

"Let me get a picture!" Meredith yelled. She bent down next to Stella and the two look alikes smiled.

"Damn Mama Grey. You two couldn't look anymore alike." Mark grinned.

"When are you going to stop calling me 'Mama Grey'?"

"Never." He shrugged. Him and Owen laughed.

"Mama! Get a picture of me and Daddy!" Stella told Meredith. Meredith got her camera and took a picture of the father and daughter.

"Now a picture of the little happy family!" Cristina smirked once again. Meredith shot her the evil eyes.

"Paybacks a bitch." Cristina mouthed."

Meredith breathed in and went and stood by the empty space next to Stella. She locked eyes with Derek before quickly looking away.

"Smile!" Cristina said, doing her best impression of bright and shiny.

Meredith rolled her eyes for the third time that day.

"That's not a real smile Meredith Grey." Cristina told her. "It doesn't feel right."

Derek looked over at Meredith, and he could see that she didn't even want to be by him. She was sucking it up, and doing this for their daughter.

Lexie slapped Cristina, and she went on with taking the picture.

Finally, the three of them got a good picture.

After cake, Stella began opening presents one by one.

"A Wii!"

"That's right. I got the best present this year." Mark grinned. Lexie hit him. "Hey, it's the truth!"

Stella was excited, and loved all the gifts she had received for her birthday. "Thanks Uncle Mark and Aunt Lexie."

"Anything for you. After all you are my godchild and favorite niece. Don't tell anyone else that though." Mark chuckled, giving Stella a kiss on the cheek.

"Looks like that's it Stel." Derek smiled. That present table was empty.

Stella started to play with some of her things, and everyone pitched in to pick up everything.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Everyone was leaving. Meredith was riding back with Alex. He was waiting for her in the car, while Meredith was inside the trailer with Stella and Derek.

"Are you sure you want to stay?" Meredith asked Stella.

"I do want to stay with Daddy." Stella told her mother.

"Okay. Well I guess I'll see you tomorrow." Meredith sighed.

"Mama why don't you stay here too?" Stella asked.

Meredith was lost for words. "Stel..."

"I want you to stay here too." Stella begged. "Please Mama. She can stay here too right Daddy?"

Derek looked at his daughter. She was too young to understand anything.

"Stella I really have to go. Your Uncle Alex is waiting for me. And it's going to be your bedtime soon."

"But I want you to stay here with me and Daddy." Stella cried. Meredith began to talk to Stella, and Derek sighed walking off. He came back to them a couple minutes later.

He handed Meredith a shirt and sweatpants, along with a toothbrush. Meredith looked up, and Derek gave her nod. Showing her that it was alright for her to stay.

"Let me go speak with Alex." Meredith said, walking out the door. Stella cheered.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGA

"I'll be fine, Alex." Meredith assured him.

"If he says anything or whatever, call me. I'll come get you." Alex told her.

"I will. Thanks Alex."

"You're welcome Mer." He smiled, before getting in the car and pulling out of the driveway.

Meredith walked back to the trailer, and took a deep breath before walking back in.

Derek and Stella were laughing about something, Meredith just stood and watched them.

"Daddy ordered pizza." Stella announced.

"That's good." Meredith spoke. It was awkard, and Meredith just wanted to get out.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

They had ate pizza, and played a couple games of Candyland, before it was time for bed.

Stella had taken her shower, and had her pajama's on, along with her Derek. Meredith took the things Derek had given her earlier, and was taking her shower now.

Derek felt his blood race through him with the thought of Meredith at the trailer a shower, and wearing his clothes made him go crazy.

He went to one of the many cabinents and got out some blankets to fix a pallet of the couch. He would let Meredith and Stella take the bed. It was the right thing to do.

Just as he had finished, Meredith stepped out wearing his pajamas and smelling like his soap.

He looked up at her, and she gave him a quick smile. Not one that lasted.

Stella ran and jumped up on the bed. "Time for bed. Let's go Mama. Come on Daddy."

"I'm going to let you and your Mama sleep in the bed, Stel. I'll take the couch." Derek told his daughter.

"But it's a sleepover. We're all going to sleep together."

"That's not how this works Stel." Meredith tried telling her.

"Other Mama and Daddies sleep in the same bed together?"

"Well we're not other Mama and Daddies, Stella Elizabeth." Meredith said, losing her patience.

Stella's lip started to move. That was a sign that she was starting to cry. Derek looked at Meredith.

"Are you kidding me Meredith?"

Meredith sighed. "Get in the bed."

"Excuse me?" Derek snorted.

"Derek, get in the bed so we can all go to sleep."

Derek walked towards the bed, shooting daggers at Meredith before getting into bed.

"Come here Stel." Derek grabbed Stella and pulled her clothes. Meredith clenched her fist before also getting in bed.

"Goodnight Daddy, I love you." Stella smiled.

"I love you too." Derek assured her, giving her a kiss on the cheek. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight Mama, I love you."

"I love you too Baby Girl." Meredith said before giving her a kiss and rolling over on her side.

"Say goodnight to Mama..." Stella told Derek.

"Night." Derek stated. Meredith continued facing the opposite direction.

"Now give her a kiss goodnight..."

"I'd rather kiss a shark." Derek spat. He didn't even realize what he said.

"Daddy!" Stella yelled.

Meredith rolled over and gave Derek a quick kiss on the lips. "There, it's settled. Goodnight."

And she rolled back over.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Meredith heard Derek and Stella drift off asleep, before getting up. She grabbed a blanket and headed outside.

She couldn't sleep. And she was so close to smurthering Derek with her pillow.

She took the oversized blanket and started headed down to the land where Derek had wanted to build his dream house.

It never happened.

It looked like it always had. The land over looking Seattle was still as beautiful as ever.

She laid the blanket down, before laying herself down on the blanket. She looked up at the stars, and asked herself how things had gotton so messed up.

Meredith Grey cries.

It was now nine years ago, that she had met a guy in a bar. Two months after falling in love with him, his wife showed up and ruined everything her heart desired. A year later, she slept with that same guy at a prom at the hospital. She chose to be with him and he left his wife. Things only got more complicated after her near death and his need to push for more commitment. It wasn't long that Meredith bought a one way ticket to California, and there found herself pregnant with Derek Shepherd's child.

Now he knows everything about that little girl. And that little girls loves her father.

But Meredith can't help but grieve.

Because now she's in the same spot she was when she left.

She's lost the love of her life.

They fight. Can't seem to get anything right. And just when she thinks their on the rode to recovery, they both fall on their faces.

Meredith Grey cries.

She cries because she still loves only one man.

Derek Shepherd.

She misses him constantly. She did those four years she was gone. The pain never went away. Expecially when she had Stella. Now she's just numb. Numb from all the pain.

Meredith's so wrapped up in her thoughts, she does realize a body come and lay beside her.

A hand grasp hers.

That's when she's back in reality, and she notices that, that body laying next to her is also crying.

Derek Shepherd cries with Meredith Grey.

Because their two human beings who are in love with eachother, and just can't seem to get it right.

He sits up and pulls her to him. She holds onto his chest. Not letting go.

Holding eachother says more than words ever will.

She gets that he's sorry for all that he's said and done. And he gets that she just wants to make things better.

The tears that were once rolling down his face stop, and her breathing slows down.

She looks up to look into his eyes. "Kiss me."

Derek doesn't question her authority. She's sure. Her eyes tells him so.

He presses his lips to hers softly, before the simple kiss turns into a passionate battle.

"Derek.." She moans.

Derek pulls back, only to look at her.

"Mer, look at me." He whispers into the night. She looks up.

"We need to stop fighting. It's not good for either of say things we don't mean." He stops, but continues on. "We need to decied. If we can't be a couple. If we can make this work, then we need to give up. But we need to give up for good. We can't go back. It's either we try to be a family and get over the issues we have with eachother, or we give up and try to be the best parents we can be for Stella."

Meredith stands up and Derek follows behind her. She folds the blanket and they both head back to the trailer, a short distance between the two.

Stella is asleep on Derek's side of the bed. Meredith returns to her side before looking back at Derek.

"Please..." She cries, but softly so she won't wake her sleeping child. "...hold me."

Derek gets into bed beside Stella, and takes Meredith into his arms.

Derek Shepherd holds Meredith Grey.

Because for just this one night, their going to pretend that the future will work out to the couple's advantage.

**So we might be getting somewhere now. Maybe. I'm so sorry! I told you all I would be updating during my vacation, but as it turned out I wasn't able too. It took me awhile to plan what I wanted to say. I hope you all liked it. And though Mer/Der may be a little harsh to eachother in this chapter, we'll be going over that in some future chapter. Please leave reviews like always. You guys make me smile! Thanks!**


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen**

Meredith, Cristina, George, Izzie, and Alex sat in the cafeteria at their everyday lunch table.

"Why is the Chief holding a big meeting tomorrow?" George asked.

"I don't know. You use to be his bitch. Go find out for us." Cristina smirked.

"Well your screwing the Head of Trauma, so how about the next time you go to moan his name..." George shot back. "...ask and see if he knows."

Izzie, Alex, and Meredith laughed and cheered for George's come back.

"Yeah, and while I'm getting laid..." Cristina grinned. "...you can all go home alone by yourselves and wish you were me."

"We have sex all the time." Alex and Izzie said unison, giving each other flirtatious smiles.

"I'm sleeping with that new nurse." George shrugged. "You know that."

It was Meredith's turn to speak.

"And that leaves Meredith." Cristina said. "Meredith who are _you_ sleeping with these days? Seen little McDreamy lately?"

"Uh, no." Meredith stated.

"Have you not slept with him the whole time you've been here?" Cristina asked her.

"Nope." Meredith sighed. She didn't tell Cristina about their night a few weeks ago. She didn't bother sharing.

"When are you going to do it already?" Izzie questioned.

"Never." Meredith told her.

"Is Shepherd really not putting out? Or you?" Cristina said, leaning into the table.

"Look, we aren't sleeping with each other, and it's going to stay that way." Just then, Meredith received a page. She looked at it strangle before getting up. "That's my cue."

"Drinks after work?" Cristina asked.

"I've got Stella. Aren't you busy screwing Dr. Hunt anyways?" Meredith smirked.

"Oh shut up!"

GAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Meredith walked down the halls of the hospital, until she came across On Call Room 4235. She sighed before opening the door

"Meredith.." Someone said in a low tone of voice.

"Derek?" Her eyes adjusted to the darkness. There was only a small lamp on, and it was hard to see. She finally could make him out. He was sitting on the bed with both of his hands threaded together. She spoke softly. "You paged?"

It had been a few days since Stella's birthday party. A few days since Meredith and Derek cried on each other, and held each other through the night.

"These past few days, I've been running through everything in my mind." Derek told her. "And I've come to the conclusion I'm ready to talk, and get out everything I've been holding inside for a long time."

Meredith nodded. "So you want to tell me everything you've been holding in right now?"

Derek sighed. "Meet me at the trailer tonight."

"I have Stella tonight Derek."

"I talked to Owen."

"You talked to Owen?" Meredith asked.

"He said he'd take Stella until we were finished. He's off early today. He will pick her up from daycare."

"Time?" Meredith sighed.

"What?"

"What time do I have to be there?"

Derek rolled his eyes. "What time does your shift end?"

"Not tell 8."

"I'm off at 7. Be there when your shift ends." He said standing up and walking towards the door, brushing by her on the way out.

"Derek..." She breathed.

He stopped. "Yes?"

"I'm scared." She spoke.

"Of?" He asked her, turning to face her.

"Of losing it all."

Weren't they both scared? He was scared. He'd been scared. He didn't want to lose her. He didn't want to lose her _again_.

He nodded his head at her before turning around and opening the door.

"If you weren't scared, it wouldn't be love. I was scared when I feel in love with you. I was scared when I lost you. Multiple times. That's because love is a scary thing. But if you find the one your suppose to be with..." He smiled. "...it's not so scary after all."

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

"So I hear tonight is the big night." Mark grinned, cupping Derek's shoulder.

"I'm sorry?"

"You and Meredith Man! You two are going at it!"

"Where did you hear that?" Derek laughed.

"Owen said he was keeping Stella so you two could have some alone time. And we all know what happens during alone time!" Mark winked.

"We are only talking Mark."

"Well that's depressing." Mark sighed. "I guess good luck and hope everything goes well?"

"Thanks Mark." Derek thanked him.

"Anything for my brother."

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Derek was off work. He sighed.

He didn't want to fight with Meredith tonight. It was the last thing he wanted to do. He wanted to get on the right page with her.

But the fact was, they had major issues.

He decided before he left, he would pay a visit to Richard.

He walked to his office and saw Richard at his desk. When he got to the door, he noticed it was opened.

"Long day?" Derek asked.

Richard looked up. "You could say that. What brings you here?"

"Do you regret leaving Ellis? You both going your separate ways?"

Richard sighed. "I love my wife. I love her. But I am still in love with Ellis Grey to this day. She wasn't just an affair, even though I made her out to be that. If I could go back in time, I would fight for her and Meredith. So yes, I regret us moving on with our lives."

Derek nodded.

"Derek," Richard spoke to him. "sometimes doing the right thing for the right reason, isn't the right thing. Meredith is your soulmate, and Stella is your daughter. Fight for them."

Derek looked up to meet the mans eyes.

"She needs you. They both do."

"Goodnight Richard." Derek smiled.

"Goodnight Derek." He smiled back.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Meredith pulled up outside the trailer.

Derek was outside sitting in a chair on the porch. He was sipping on a beer. He looked at her through the glass of the car.

She looked forward. Not looking a Derek. The land was beautiful at night. She loved it at night. But yet she couldn't help but feel a tiny bit sad.

She closed her eyes, before opening the door and stepping outside. She walked up the deck, passing Derek.

The trailer was warm inside. And it smelt of Derek. She put her keys and cell phone down inside, before retreating to the fridge to get herself a beer.

Walking back outside, she took a seat in the other chair.

"Looks like you made yourself at home." Derek said, breaking the silence.

"Would you like me to go put it back?" She asked, gesturing to the beer.

"No, Mer."

She took a sip before turning to look at him.

"I'm ready when you are."

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

"Hundred says they sleep together." Mark said over the speaker, on Cristina's phone.

Cristina laughed. "Two hundred says Meredith ends up crying. And not in a pleasurable way."

Mark called Cristina, giving her the 411. That always leads to bets.

"Three hundred say they're very calm towards each other, and they handle their situation in a mature way." Owen smiled.

"Dude, you're such a girl." Mark chuckled.

"It's alright honey." Cristina smirked. "Better luck next time."

GAGAGAGAGAGAGA

_"I'm ready when you are."_

Derek looked over at her. He sighed. "Than lets talk."

Meredith nodded.

"The only way I know how to go about this, is have us tell each other the issues we have with each other. We're never going to get past it all, if we don't even know how each other feels."

"Are you sure you want to do that?" Meredith asked.

"It's the only other way, Meredith." He said frustrated. "Do you want me to go first?"

"I'm just warning you. I'm going to be blunt. If you're not holding back neither am I."

Derek sighed. "I need you to know what you want. You can't keep changing your mind. You want me, you don't want me, just make up your damn mind."

"Well..."

"No speaking. At all. Not tell I'm finished." He growled. He was talking tonight. And she would listen. "I need you to start trying to trust me. At least give it a try. I know I've done things in the past that weren't right, but let's move forward. Let me in. Let me help you. Don't run away from me."

Meredith nodded. "Are you done or..."

"I'm mad you didn't tell me about Stella. Mad is an understatement. I'm pissed. Angry. Why keep that from me? That of all things. _Her. _She's my daughter. You might have given birth, but I'm a big part of her. You didn't bring her into this world by yourself. You had help with that."

Meredith looked out over the land. She thought Derek was over that. Over it all. She didn't know he still felt that way.

"I didn't know you still were upset about that."

"I'm very upset." He said, honestly. "It may be harsh Meredith, but sex takes two."

"I called you the day I was due. I was in the hospital bed. I was crying, I was scared, and I couldn't do it. I wasn't alone, but yet I was. I had Cristina call you, but you didn't answer the phone. So I figured that my decision was meant to be."

"You should've call me when you found out. Not when you were due." Derek told her.

"I'm sorry. So sorry."

"Do you regret not telling me?"

"No." Meredith declared.

"You didn't even hesitate." Derek snorted.

"Because I don't regret it. I couldn't trust you. How could I trust you with my daughter?"

"_Our_ daughter. You trust me with her now?"

"I've learned that you would never hurt her. Me maybe. But not her."

Derek let out a sarcastic laugh. "Okay. Everyone has their own opinions."

Meredith rolled her eyes. "Whatever Derek."

"I've tried to let it go. It just bothers me." Derek shrugged. "I mean, she doesn't even know my family Meredith."

"Do you want me to book a flight for the two of you to go to New York?"

"Don't be a bitch, Meredith." Derek groaned.

"I'm serious Derek. I will book you both a flight, and you two can get your happy asses on the plane and go. I have no problem with it. I would love for her to meet your family."

Derek just looked away from her. "Are you going to go too?"

"Seriously?"

"Yes, seriously!" Derek yelled.

"Hell no I'm not going!" She screamed, standing up. "I don't want to go anywhere with you!"

"Sit down." Derek said calmly. "I don't want to fight. I didn't want to fight with you. We need to talk. Not yell at each other and call each other ugly names we both know we don't mean."

"You're the one that called me a bitch. If I am such a _bitch_, then why bother with me Derek? How about you make up _your_ own damn mind." Meredith sat down.

"Talk." Derek whispered.

Meredith looked at him, hesitating. Finally, she began to speak. "I'm not over you not telling me about Addison. I'm mad because when you said I has a choice to make, you chose for me, walking away. You dated girls, then flaunted them right in front of me. Then you kissed Rose. Not to mention you went and took her to dinner the same day we split up. You wonder why I don't trust you. I think it's obvious."

"I don't apologize for Rose. You weren't ready."

"You said you would _wait_." Her teeth pushed together.

"But I did say, what if I met someone else..."

"...That was ready to give you what you want! You don't want me. You just want the perfect life." Meredith snorted.

"With you!" Derek laughed harshly.

"Then you shouldn't have said what you said, done what you done, and pressured me."

"I'm not going to apologize. I don't think I did anything wrong regarding Rose."

Meredith looked him straight in the eyes. "Then it's over."

"Sure."

"If you can't put me first, and you can't delegate, I can't be in a relationship with you. I'm willing to make up my mind and moved past it. But if you can't see what you are doing wrong, I'm done."

"Do you see what you did wrong?" Derek growled.

"Yes." Meredith spoke. "I shouldn't have kept Stella away from her father. But it was my life that was going through all these changes and my decision. I was on my own. It wasn't like I knew I was pregnant. I didn't know. I was focused on raising my daughter and learning myself again. No mother to tell me how horrible at life I was, new state, new friends, and no _you_."

"Why I went with Rose, was to see if being with someone else would work. It obviously didn't. No matter what I say, how much we fight, or how much we hate each other at this precise moment, I still believe we're soul mates. You're the love of my life. You have been since you showed me I could love again."

Meredith put her head in her hands. She was sick of crying. She was so over it.

"If we can't work out our problems, how can we be parents to Stella? We can't even be us, Meredith." He watched as she held her head in her hands, letting out sobs. "Do you honestly still love me?"

"Yes." She choked out.

"Let me ask you this." He put a hand on her shoulder, leaning forward. "Are you still in love with me?"

It felt like centuries before she spoke. "Yes, Derek. I am completely and helplessly in love with you. I can't stop. I can't. God knows I've tried more than once to."

Derek sat back, taking his hand off her shoulder. "We have to separate from each other."

"We already are." She told him, still not looking at him.

"No. We need time. We need to find ourselves. I need to learn how to be a father, and how to prove to you that I will never hurt you. That you can have my trust."

"_I_ want you. I _want_ you. I want _you_." Meredith cried. "So my choice is made. My mind is set. But I need to learn who I am here in Seattle. I've changed. I don't have all the issues I once had. But you are an issue. It's not specifically you, it's _trusting_ you again."

"So we find out ourselves, then when we're ready, come back to each other."

"Promise me something..." Meredith said, finally looking at him.

"Yes?"

"Wait. Wait for us to become something beautiful before you decide to find someone else."

"I won't move on."

"Show me that I can trust you. That you can keep your promises."

"I will." Derek smiled. "I'll show you."

Meredith and Derek looked into each others eyes. Meredith could feel Derek getting closer and closer. She got up from her chair and walked back into the trailer. She threw her beer bottle in the trash can before turning to grab her keys off the kitchen counter. She went to turn around, but was locked in by a hard body.

"Derek..." She moaned. "I have to go."

He breathed her in. Her body was facing away from him. Her back pressed against his front. He ran his hands down the sides of her body. His hands landed on the tops of her thighs. He made his way back up her body with his hands, pushing her hair aside. He planted small kisses to the side of her cheek, jawbone, and neck. He slid her shirt down some, passing her shoulder so her could kiss her collarbone.

"Oh my god, Derek." Meredith breathed out. "Seriously. This was not in the agreement."

He spun her around to where she faced him. He grabbed her face with one hand, and began kissing her softly, before it turned into something more passionate. His other hand rested on her back, pushing her closer.

He moved from her mouth to her earlobe, sucking on it gently. "Goodnight." He whispered in her ear before pulling away and walking towards his bed.

Meredith stared at before moving towards him. When she approached him, she ran her hands up under his shirt. She pulled him close to her and buried her head into his chest. She felt so safe. So loved. It was during all the rough times, that she wished she could keep this moment, and be there for ever.

She needed things between him and her to work out. She needed to be okay. She need _him_ to be okay. They needed to do this for the sake of each other and for Stella. They had been through so many bad times, that it was time they cherished the happy times together.

She released his embrace and broke eye contact with him. She grabbed her phone and keys, and walked out the door.

She headed to Owens.

**Much needed talked right there! Hahah. I loved the lil' love scene in the trailer. This story is not rated M, and it will not be rated M. I just like my occasional love scenes here and there. Things will start progressing for you MerDer fans. Yay! Anyways, hope you loved the chapter and review as always! Thank you to all my readers and followers. I adore you all!  
******


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter Fifteen**

"What the hell's the matter with you?" Alex asked Meredith. Him, Meredith, and Cristina were standing at the back of the conference room while the Chief was giving a speech about an upcoming charity event for the hospital.

"I'm tired, hungry, and most likely dehydrated. I feel like I'm an intern all over again. And I'm moody too so don't screw with me." Meredith said, turning to look at him.

"Damn, just asking Mer."

"Well I haven't seen the inside of my home in two days. Or my kid for that matter. This patient came in with an inoperable tumor. Not to mention she's pregnant. I'm trying to find a way to make it operable so I can give her the chance to live long enough to even be a mother." Meredith sighed.

"Don't you think Shepherd should be on this with you?" Cristina asked.

"Yeah, he would be. If he still wasn't pissed at me."

"What did you do?" Cristina questioned her, laughing.

"Well..." Meredith began.

FLASHBACK

_"Mhh." Meredith moaned as Derek's tongue entered her mouth. He had come over and played with Stella, and now that Stella was in bed, him and Meredith were on the couch in a deep make out session. It had been three weeks since they had decieded to take things slow and figure out who they were individually. And things were going very smoothly._

_"I feel like I'm in high school again." Derek laughed. _

_"Oh just shut up." Meredith giggled, moving to sit in his lap._

_Derek ran his hands down Meredith's back, resting them right at the end of her back. Meredith held his face in her hands._

_"God I'm so glad I have a hot..." Meredith smiled before stopping._

_"A hot what?" Derek asked, them both pulling back._

_"I uh...uh..." Meredith stuttered._

_"What?" He said laughing at her._

_"I don't know what to call you." Meredith spoke._

_"You don't know what to call me?" Derek said, confused._

_"I guess Baby Daddy? Yeah. I'm so glad I have a hot Baby Daddy." Meredith giggled, before going to kiss him again. Derek backed away._

_"You have got to be kidding."_

_"What?" Meredith asked him._

_"Are you serious? Baby Daddy?" Derek spoke loudly._

_"Well that is what you are." Meredith said smiling._

_"No. No it's not."_

_"Why are you getting so defensive?" Meredith asked him._

_"Because Meredith. I'm not just some guy that got you pregnant. And it's not like I went to go get some girl pregnant for the hell of it. We mean more to eachother. You could at least give me the decentcy to call me your boyfriend."_

_"Damn Derek. I wouldn't have called you hot if I knew you would get so pissed about it."_

_"You still don't understand why I'm upset." Derek exclaimed, getting up from Meredith and the couch. He grabbed his phone, keys, and wallet and headed to the door, putting his coat on._

_"You're leaving?" _

_"Yes. I'm leaving." Derek told her. Meredith started bursting with laughter._

_"Why in the hell is this so funny to you?" Derek questioned her._

_"It's just...I called you my Baby Daddy and you get all mad. I mean, come on. Derek, I was just playing around. We were flirting."_

_"That is not flirting."_

_"God, are you on your period?" Meredith asked._

_"Goodnight Meredith." Derek shut the door behind him, and Meredith fell back on the couch. She was still laughing. It was funny that he got so mad over something so little._

END OF FLASHBACK

"...and that is why he has been mad at me for the last three days." Meredith said laughing.

"He's mad at you because of that?" Cristina asked, laughing with her.

"Yeah. Or at least you can tell something is bothering him. I just shrugg it off. Why bother fighting about it. It's dumb."

"You don't do that to a guy." Alex told her. "Guys get upset because they try to put their feelings out there, and try to care. Then girls do that and joke around about it and act like it's nothing. That takes a lot for a guy to say. Or to feel at the least."

_"You three back there, what's so important that you have to discuss it durning my meeting?" _Richard asked.

"Nothing Sir." The three spoke in unison. All eyes were on them.

"No, go ahead. You've got the floor." Richard insisted.

The three looked at eachother. Finally, Cristina spoke up.

"Dr. Grey here is having some issues with her relationship at the moment. She wouldn't stop talking to us about it and Dr. Karev and I were just trying to explain to her how rude it was to talk while you are taking much needed time out of your day to give us useful information that we will be needing, Sir."

Everyone began to chuckle, and Meredith closed her eyes.

"Will you be quiet long enough to let me get my speech over with Dr. Grey?" Richard asked.

"Yes Sir." Meredith gritted her teeth.

"Thank you. Anyways, as I was saying..." Richard went on. Meredith sighed, crossing her arms. Suddenly, her pager went off. She reached for it, grabbing it off her scrub pants. She brought it up to her face so she could read what it said.

"Who is it?" Cristina asked. Meredith stared at the small screen.

"Mer.." Alex groaned, the loud beeping getting on his nerves.

"Damn it, can't I get through a meeting without any interuptions anymore? Who's damn pager?" Richard exclaimed.

"Meredith who is it?" Cristina asked again. Meredith clenched the pager and walked swiftly out the conference room door.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Meredith walked into Trauma Room 1, downstairs in the Emergency Room.

"I told them not to page you."

Meredith looked around at the nurses and doctors working on him. "You all may leave."

"Dr. Grey..." A nurse said, but was interupted.

"I said I can handle it." Meredith spoke. Everyone cleared out and she looked at the man.

"I know what you're thinking..." Thatcher told her. "...and I'm not drunk."

"Well we'll see about that." Meredith said. She looked over the chart the paramedics had brought in.

"Where's Lexie?" Thatcher asked.

"She's working. Just like I am trying to do." Meredith sighed.

"It's hard to work, when you're working on a parent." He stated.

"You're not my parent. And you sure as hell aren't my father." Meredith said, setting the chart down. "Let's also get one thing clear. I'll do my best to figure out how the hell you screwed yourself up so bad that you're coughing up blood, which I'm already pretty sure why because you are a drunk. But the minute Richard Webber and every other Head of Department and Attending come out of that Conference Room, I'm shipping you off to them. I want nothing to do with you, or what you got yourself into. Understood?"

"You're just like your mother. Cold and heartless when it came to being a doctor."

"You don't know what the hell I'm like when it comes to being a doctor." Meredith scoulfed.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Everyone filed out of the Conference Room, one by one.

"I don't want to go to a Charity Event." Mark griped.

"Well get over it McSteamy. You're going. Just like the other Heads' and Attendings." Cristina sighed. Owen walked beside her.

"Hey, what was up with Mama Grey?" Mark asked Derek, the two walking behind Cristina.

"Don't ask me." Derek said, putting his hands up. Cristina turned around.

"Well, apparently your buddy here got mad because she didn't call him her boyfriend." Cristina smirked. Mark looked at Derek.

"Seriously Man? That's the dumbest reason to be mad at someone." Mark told him.

"I'm not getting in this." Owen stated.

"Well besides the fact that I'm just the Baby Daddy." Derek groaned.

"Oh, you got called the ol' Baby Daddy. But you are so what's the point of getting mad?" Mark asked, laughing.

"Just, shut up." Derek rolled his eyes. Richard came over to the three of them.

"Hey Chief? What's up?" Mark asked.

"Look, I need you four to come with me." Richard spoke.

"Why?" They all said in unison.

"This morning, Thatcher Grey was rushed into the E. R." Richard told the four. "We don't know what's wrong. He was coughing up blood, complaining of migrains, and was having stomach pains. Bailey is going to do a consult. He's been with Meredith..."

"Wait, he's been with _Meredith_?" Derek questioned him.

"One of the nurses paged her. She didn't understand the circumstances between Meredith and her father."

"Has anyone told Lexie?" Mark asked.

"Well that's why I wanted to tell you. I thought maybe you could track her down and tell her what's happened. She's going to need support." Richard said. He looked at Cristina. "Teddy's been paged and she asked for you. She's going to take a look at his heart. Go find her."

"Yes Sir." Cristina said, rushing off.

Richard looked at Mark. "Go find Lexie Grey."

"Will do Chief." Mark assured him, taking off in another direction. Richard looked at Owen.

"He's in room 4241. I want you to look his chart over. Also see about getting him some scans. You may come across something none of us others will."

"I will see what I can come up with." Owen smiled, walked off. Derek stepped in front of Richard.

"I need to make sure she's okay." Derek told him.

"Slow down Derek." Richard soothed. "She's with him now. She talked to Patricia and told her to get me when we were done with the meeting. He said he's been having migrains, so I want you to check his head out. See if you can find anything that is an issue."

"I need to be with her."

"Derek, she's fine."

"I...She thinks I'm still mad at her. It was stupid, and I feel guilty that I got mad. I just hope she doesn't shut me out because she thinks I'm mad." Derek told Richard.

"I'm sure she won't. I'm heading down there now. Want to join?"

"I do." Derek sighed.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Meredith stood outside of Thatcher's room. She looked through the window. He was sitting there, looking up at the ceiling. Dr. Bailey was talking to him, trying to find a source of the cause.

"Dr. Grey..." Teddy spoke loudly, Cristina behind her. Meredith turned around.

"Meredith!" Lexie exclaimed, running over to her. Mark was beside her.

"Mer, I heard." Owen said, rushing over. "I came to see what I can do."

"Uh...well..." Meredith went to say, but Richard walked over with Derek.

"Mer..." Derek sighed, walking towards her.

She couldn't take it. She didn't want to be apart of any of it. Voices were coming from different directions. She just wanted to get away.

"Shut up!" Meredith yelled. Everyone stopped talking and froze. "Just shut up for two damn minutes and let me get a word in. I left the chart in his room. Dr. Bailey has been kind enough to step in with him, and give him an exam. I don't know what is wrong with him, but my guess is it's liver failure, or liver cancer. He's been drunk off his ass ever since I saw him last so it doesn't surprise me. I did the normal routine and results should be in later. I've done my job and I'm out. I don't want any part of this. I may have the same last name and blood as that man in that gurney, but he's not my father. So don't page me, talk to me, or even think of coming to get me if it has anything to do with that man. Now, I'm going to go and freshen up. I have surgery."

And Meredith walked off without another word.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

"You're a very hard to hunt down." Alex laughed, walking into the skills lab room.

"Yeah?" Meredith smiled.

"Yeah." Alex assured her. "So what are you doing in the skills lab room?"

"It's the only place I can get away that's quiet in this damn hell hole."

"Oh, I see." Alex said. Meredith nodded. He walked over and took a seat next to her. "My father knocked my mother around constantly. He abused my brother and sister, and he abused me. The only difference was, I wouldn't take his shit. I hit him back. I told him that he could throw me around, but my mother was a different story. When I was old enough to get the hell out, I did. I left my other brother, Aaron in charge. My mother went crazy after my father died and she's now on medication. Aaron works nonstop, and my sister is working hard to put herself through college. I worry about her the most. She was so young and I was the closest to her. I hated seeing her cry. It was hard to leave her the most. I go and see them periodically. Well, that's if you call periodically 7 years."

Meredith grabbed his hand. "Please don't give me the get your ass in that room speech."

"My father didn't abandoned me. Neither did my mother. But I abandoned them. And I don't regret getting away from the abuse and the fighting. I don't at all. But I regret leaving my brother and sister, because they were younger and they weren't strong enough to handle it all. My brother sure as hell wasn't strong enough to handle it." Alex paused for a moment. "What I'm trying to say to you is, he lives with regret. He wishes he would have called and sent letters and had come to visit you rather than not bothering to have any contact with you at all. The decisions he made aren't acceptable, but he's probably dying Meredith. And if that was me in that bed, I would want my sister and brother there to be there with me even though I made the choice to leave them behind with my past."

Meredith sighed. "Everyone expects me to hold his hand and cry 'Daddy' but I can't."

"Nobody expects anything from you." Alex told her. "Look, they're going to go into that room and diganose your father..." Meredith rolled her eyes. "...and you'll be sitting here in the skills lab room bored out of your mind, and wondering what it would have been like if you would have been in that room. Meredith, you don't have to go in there for your father. Go in for you. So you don't have to live with regret. Because you will live with regret if you don't go."

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Meredith walked down the hallway towards Thatcher's room. She stopped at 4240. The next room was her father's. She looked in the window, but the blinds were closed. She could hear voices, but she couldn't quite make them out.

Lexie was probably a wreck. And instead of being there for her like a good sister, she walked away.

She needed to do this for herself. She needed to do this for Lexie. She needed to not regret this moment twenty years from now. So she marched into the room. All eyes were on her when she opened the door. She ignored them and quietly closed the door behind her. She moved over to where Lexie was standing and grasped her hand tightly. She had every right to be in that room. She just wasn't a hundred percent sure she wanted to be there.

"As I was saying..." Richard spoke out. "...we've all taken the time to look over your scans and chart at least twice, if not more."

"Just tell me what's wrong." Thatcher said, then looked at Meredith. "And tell her that I'm clean."

"You were clean." Richard assured him.

"I haven't taken a drink since about a year ago." Thatcher told Meredith.

Meredith was holding it in. She was trying to hold it in for the sake of everyone in the room.

"Mr. Grey..." Dr. Bailey stepped forward. "...you have cancer that's spread from you liver, to your stomach. We can..."

She turned and took her sister in her arms, holding her tightly.

Dr. Bailey, Richard, Owen, and Derek had all stood in the room. They watched as Thatcher nodded his head, and one of the sister's try and calm the other one down. Mark stood rubbing Lexie's back, and Meredith whispered soothing words into her ear.

Derek stepped forward. "Thatcher..."

Thatcher looked up at the man. The man that had been in love with his oldest daughter many years ago. The way he still looked at her though, assured him that loved had not died.

"Just tell me."

"Thatcher, you have a tumor located in your frontel lobe, most likely caused from the cancer. I can try to operate, but the chances are the tumor will grow back if the cancer isn't under control." Derek told him.

"I'll think about what I want to do."

"Dad..." Lexie begged.

"No, Lex. I put myself here. I drank myself away for a long time. You can call this a lesson learned.

Everyone began filing out, and Meredith left Lexie and Mark inside with Thatcher.

"You should go be with them, Meredith." Miranda told her.

"I'm fine right here."

"Well I'll be back to check in on your father and his decision. You have a goodnight, and give that sweet baby girl a kiss for me."

Meredith smiled as Miranda walked away. Owen gave Meredith a small hug and a smile before walking away.

"If you need anything, my office is open. I'll see to it your father is looked after." Richard said, before rubbing her arm, and walking off as well.

Meredith looked at Derek, then walked past him towards the elevator. Derek followed her and stepped onto the empty elevator along with her.

"I'm trying so damn hard to cry, and mess my make up, up. To make it look like I actually care. I've come to terms with a lot of my problems, but my father is one I never bothered to take care of. Now he's lying in a bed dying, and I've been so careless to not even let my own child know of his presence. He knows she exsist, he just knows he was never allowed to see her." Meredith told him.

"You can bring Stella to met him, Meredith. I'm okay with it. You should show her off. Show him what we created. She's a beautiful, smart, little girl. She deserves to know her family." Derek spoke.

"Tomorrow." Meredith sighed, resting her head on his shoulder and taking his hand.

"Tomorrow."

**How was it? Don't like the new story line? Trust me, I'm far from done with MerDer. Don't let Thatcher get in the way. I've got something else in store for my all time favorite couple. I'm sorry I haven't updated. I went on another vacation! Summer is coming to an end, but I will still try to write in my spare time. Review lovelys and may the odds be ever in your favor. Damn, I've watched the Hunger Games waaayyy too much. (;**


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter Sixteen**

Meredith, Stella, and Derek layed on Meredith's bed upstairs. Derek had helped Meredith home with Stella, and they were laying down for a few minutes to think back on all the current events of the day.

"Aunt Lexie looked sad." Stella said, looking at her mother. "And you look sad too. Did you and Aunt Lexie be mean to eachother?"

Meredith sighed. "No, Stel. We weren't mean to eachother."

"Uncle Mark hugged Aunt Lexie and told her that everything was gonna' be okay."

Meredith rolled on her side, facing both Stella and Derek. "You know Grandpa?"

"Yeah! Are we going to visit him?" Stella asked. Richard was a wonderful Grandparent to Stella, and Meredith was thankful to have him. Now that she had moved past her problems with her mother's affair, things were great.

"Not that Grandpa." Meredith smiled. "Mama has two Daddies."

"_Two_ Daddies? How is that possible?" Stella laughed.

"That's a discussion for when your older, Stel." Derek told her.

"Oh, so I have a different Grandpa?"

"Yes." Meredith answered her question. "He's my _dad_ and Aunt Lexie's dad. That's what makes us sisters."

"Have I met him before?" Stella asked.

"No. You haven't."

"Is that why Aunt Lexie was sad? And that you're sad?"

"Um, yes." Meredith spoke. "Today Aunt Lexie and I found out he was sick. We don't know if he's going to get any better Stella."

"He's sick? What's wrong with him?"

Derek looked at Meredith. She was staring down at their daughter, trying to find a way to make this any bit easier.

"Somethings don't make sense to you. But you're only four. You're not suppose to know all the scary details." Derek smiled sadly. "He's just very sick, and your Mama would like to take you to see him. Would you like to meet him?"

"Can I help him feels' better?" Stella questioned.

"I'm sure he would feel better if you went and saw him." Derek told her, smiling.

"When do I get to meet him Mama?"

Meredith smiled at her daughter. "Tomorrow morning. Now say goodnight to Daddy so we can get to bed and be ready to see him tomorrow."

"Aw. Mama..."

"No Stel, it's time for bed." Derek said, getting up. "Let me go tuck little one into bed."

"Yay!" Stella giggled. "Goodnight Mama."

"Goodnight Baby Girl."

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

"She's asleep." Derek told Meredith, crawling on the bed to lay next to her.

"This early?"

"She asked me to read her a book. By the time I finished, she was out." He said, looking at Meredith.

"That's good." Meredith smiled. She rolled over on top of Derek, placing her arms around his neck.

"God, you smell good." Derek told her, buring his head into her hair.

"Thank you." She blushed, looking down at him. "Are you still mad at me?"

"Mer..." Derek groaned.

"So you are." Meredith stated, rolling off of Derek and onto her side of the bed.

"I'm not mad. I just wish you could see that we mean more to eachother."

"Derek, it was a joke. You are my Baby Daddy, but your also the love of my life. You know that, and everyone else knows it so what's the big deal?"

"I'm your boyfriend." Derek assured her.

"Derek, it's been about three weeks since we decieded to take things into our own hands. Do you really think that we're ready for such a big title?" Meredith asked.

"I...you're right." Derek sighed. "We just get so caught up in eachother that we don't even realize we're going too fast."

"If you want me to call you my boyfriend that's fine. But Stella should not know."

"Why not?" Derek asked.

"Because. Stella is just a little girl. I don't want her to get all excitied that her parents are together and happy, then something happen and we split up. She would be heartbroken and that's one less heart to break, if we don't say anything." Meredith told him.

"I won't hurt you." Derek promised. "I thought we went over this."

"We did. And I beileve that you won't. I just like to be cautious."

They laid there for awhile, soaking up the silence. Derek smiled, rolling on top of Meredith this time. He cupped her face, giving her a kiss.

"It's moments like these, I enjoy the most. Us three having talks in bed, her falling asleep, me getting to lay here and be with the woman I love." Derek spoke.

"I enjoy them too." Meredith giggled. "Stay with me tonight."

"What?" Derek laughed.

"Stay here. You can get up in the morning before Stella gets up and leave. She won't even know _you slept with Mama_." Meredith smirked.

Derek rolled his eyes playfully. "Very tempting."

"They do call me the temptress." She flirted.

"Mer, I have to go home."

"Stay."

"I can't." Derek smiled sadly.

Meredith wrapped her arms around Derek's neck. She whispered into his ear, biting it softly. "Stay."

"Mer..."

"_Come on_." Meredith begged.

"Oh, how funny." Derek smirked. Meredith laughed, him joining in.

"I didn't mean it like that!" Meredith exclaimed.

"Oh, but I did." Derek said, leaning into kiss Meredith. He slid his hands up and down her body, wrapping one of her legs around his waist. Meredith's fingers found his hair, pulling him closer. Derek went to slide his hands under Meredith's shirt, before being interupted by one specific little girl.

"Mama, I can't..." Stella stopped talking. "Mama!" The little girl rushed over to her mother. "Daddy?"

Derek rolled off Meredith, totally embarassed about being caught by his four year old daughter.

"Stella!" Meredith yelled. "You're suppose to knock before entering anyones room!"

Stella's lip began to move, a sign she was about to cry. "Mama, Daddy was hurting you."

Derek's eyes went big. Meredith looked at him, before looking back at her daughter. "Your Daddy wasn't hurting me, Stel."

"Stella I would never hurt your mother, in any way. I wouldn't hurt her for the world." Derek explained to Stella, taking Meredith's hand.

Stella looked at her parents. "Then what were you two doing?"

"Well we were, uh, we were..." Meredith stuttered.

"Stel, sometimes me and your Mother show how we feel towards eachother. Like, in the Beauty and the Beast. You remember when the Beast was turned back into the Prince and he confessed his feelings to Bell and gave her a kiss?"

"Yeah! And everyone was turned to peoples' again and everyone live happily ever after?" Stella said, excitingly.

"Exactly." Derek smiled.

"So you and Mama were kissing?" Stella asked.

"Yeah." Derek laughed.

"But only togethers' people kiss. Like boyfriend and girlfriend." Stella nodded.

Derek's smile faded from his face, and Meredith felt speechless.

"What are you doing out of bed?" Meredith asked, getting up from the bed.

"I couldn't fall back asleep, so I came to get you." Stella said.

"Go to your room. I'll be there in a minute." Meredith told her.

"Okay. And next time I'll knock Mama." Stella apologized. Meredith sighed, but nodded her head. Stella walked out of the room closing the door on her way out. Meredith turned to look at Derek.

"Kissing? Really?" Meredith asked, a hint of a smile on her face. Derek sat up on the edge of the bed, both feet on the floor.

"What else was I suppose to say? She caught us last time on the floor of your living room. I already used the 'something on your mother's face' excuse. I couldn't use it again." He spoke.

Meredith went and sat in Derek's lap. "I think it's time Dr. Shepherd goes home." She smiled.

"I thought you wanted me to stay?" Derek whined.

"Nope." Meredith smirked. "You know where the door is."

He watched as she opened the bedroom door, and walked out.

"Tease!" He yelled, following behind her and walking down the stairs.

_Payback's a bitch_, Derek thought to himself, grinning.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Meredith parked the car in the hospital parking lot, hitting the send button on her phone to let Derek know she was here. She got out and walked around to the other side of the car, opening the door for Stella.

"So I get to meet Grandpa today?" Stella asked.

"Yes, Stel." Meredith sighed. Stella had only asked her that same question fifteen times this morning.

"Am I getting to see Aunt Lexie and Uncle Mark too? I want to give Aunt Lexie a hug. She's sad."

"I'm sure you'll see her." Meredith said, walking hand in hand with Stella through the hospital doors. Derek walked over from the desk downstairs, him still in his street clothes. He took Stella's bag from Meredith, giving her a kiss on the cheek.

"You look beautiful." He smiled.

"Derek, it's me." Meredith laughed. She was wearing denim skinny jeans, a white blouse, and some cute red flats.

"Beautiful, you." Derek told her. He bent down, picking up Stella. "How is my little girl this morning?"

Stella giggled, hugging her father. "Good, Daddy. I get to meet Grandpa." Meredith scoulfed. Derek looked over at her. Meredith rolled her eyes.

"She's bugged me about it all morning. Watch, when we get to the room, she'll start to get shy and not speak."

"You're fibbing." Stella pouted. "I wasn't shy to Daddy when I met him."

"He was your father." Meredith smirked.

"She didn't know that."

"I didn't know that."

Derek and Stella spoke in unison. Meredith sighed.

"Okay, you're right. But still..."

By this time, they were at Thatcher's room. Derek rubbed Meredith's arm.

"Are you sure?" He asked.

"Too late now." Meredith said, opening the door.

Lexie and Mark were sitting on the couch. Thatcher was sitting up in his bed. Meredith could tell their was some kind of discussion going on. They all three looked at the door, when they heard Meredith step in.

"Umm..." Meredith spoke. "I brought someone for you to meet."

Thatcher looked at Meredith. "Oh, okay."

Meredith nodded, opening the door and sticking her head out. She came back in. "It seems to be that they have disapeared.

Lexie laughed. "I bet she had to go potty."

"She always does." Mark grinned. Just then, Derek walked in, a little hand in his.

"Sorry, someone had to use the potty." Derek smiled.

"Derek..." Mark laughed. Derek rolled his eyes playfully.

Thatcher laughed. "I understand."

"Go on Stel..." Derek insisted. Stella stepped out from behind Derek's back. She walked up to the side of the bed.

"Hi, I'm Stella Elizabeth Grey..."

"Shepherd." Meredith and Derek said in unison.

"We're still trying to work on that." Meredith giggled.

"No worries." Thatcher smiled. "Well, aren't you just beautiful. You look exactly like your mother."

"I have my Daddy's eyes." Stella said, point at them with her finger. "See, their blue. And so are Daddy's."

"They are." Thatcher spoke.

"Everyone says I have a personly' like my Daddy. But I sometimes have an attitude like my Mama." Stella told him. Everyone laughed but Meredith.

"I do not have an attitude." Meredith whispered to herself.

"You do." Derek, Lexie, and Mark said together.

"And you don't have a temper?" Meredith asked Derek.

"Not really." Derek, Mark, and Lexie spoke again. Meredith pouted.

Thatcher and Stella spoke some more, and Meredith stepped in. "You remember Derek, you met him a long time ago at a dinner once."

"Oh yes. He's also my doctor." Thatcher said. "You know that though."

Meredith walked to Derek. She put her hand on his arm. "He's also Stella's father. But I'm sure you know that also." She smiled.

"I gathered." Thatcher laughed. "I always knew you two would marry. The way you looked at Meredith explained it all."

Derek and Meredith stood speechless once again.

"Um, we aren't married." Meredith laughed nervously.

"We're not divorced either." Derek threw out there. "Just wanted to point that out."

"Oh." Thatcher said. "_Oh_."

"Yeah." Meredith sighed.

"It's defentley a possibility." Derek assured him. Meredith went red.

"Oh, I don't doubt it." Thatcher grinned. Derek took Meredith's hand.

"What's married?" Stella asked.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Derek and Mark took Stella down to the cafeteria, while Dr. Bailey and Richard came in to talk to Thatcher. Lexie and Meredith stayed behind.

"I've decieded to try and fight the cancer. It's bad, but I can fight." Thachter told her. Lexie sighed in relief. Meredith nodded.

"Are you sure?" Dr. Bailey asked.

"I am."

"Okay then." Dr. Bailey spoke. "We'll start Chemo right away. But before we do, you'll need brain surgery."

"Brain surgery..." Thatcher sighed.

"You know Dr. Shepherd. He's the Head of Department here. He's the second best in the country. Meredith's right behind him. She's turned out to be an excellent Neurosurgeon. She can't operate because of your related, so Derek is your best pick. I would have recommended him anyway." Dr. Bailey told him.

"When do I go in?"

"Derek's not on the clock tell 10." Meredith said. " I'll have him stop by here before heading out to get dressed." They all nodded.

"Sounds like a plan." Dr. Bailey smiled. "Now you get some rest Mr. Grey."

"I'll try." Thatcher laughed. Dr. Bailey walked out, and he turned to his daughter.

"You don't have to do this." He told Meredith. "I understand you not wanting to be here. I won't force you to stay."

Meredith sighed. "It's my choice to be here. I may not be so graceful about it, but just work with me."

"Thank you, Meredith." Thatcher smiled. "I think I'll try to get some sleep before Derek comes by."

Lexie said bye to her father and walked out the door, Meredith following her.

"Meredith..." Thatcher called.

"Yes?" She turned around.

"She looks like you did when you were little. Spitting image. Thank you for giving me the opportuntity to meet her. Thank Derek for me too. He's a good man, and I know he will treat you with love and respect. That's always something you deserved. Even if nobody did that for you when you were little. I'm sorry for that."

Meredith looked at her father, before turning to leave.

Was it the thought of him dying that made him say all those things, or him being truthful?

Meredith wondered.

**Another update! I'll try to write soon, but school is tomorrow and I can't make any promises! Thanks for the reviews, and hope you liked the chapter. Please leave your thoughts and comments. Also, I'm thinking of starting another story. I'm stuck between two ideas. Which one would you guys prefer...**

**1.) Hollywood's most favorite couple split up five months ago. She's with another, and so is he. What happens when their paths cross again? Will the lights of L.A. put them back together, or break them apart? AU**

**2.) Derek's family was wealthy. He's doing things he shouldn't do, and his best friend Mark is along for the ride. Their only in college. But what happens when an innocent, high school girl gets thrown into the mix? Derek's bad boy material. Will he changes that ways of Meredith Grey? Or will he find himself changing himself? AU**

**Review!**


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter Seventeen**

Two weeks later

Meredith smiled, handing the nurse her patient's chart. The day was going by rather quickly. Surgery had been a success with her earlier patient.

Tonight was the big Gala. Richard wanted most of the staff to attend the charity event, Meredith being on of them.

Sighing, she walked through the halls towards the Cafeteria. She hated events like these, but it came with the job.

"Lost in thought? Please tell me it's a fantasy." Cristina laughed.

"Highly mistaken. What are you wearing to the Gala?" Meredith asked.

"Just a dress. I'm pissed I have to go anyway. I'm ditching that place as soon as I can though. What are you doing with Stella?"

"She's staying with Adele."

"Adele? Isn't Adele going to be with the Chief?"

"Apparently not. She offered. I don't think their relationship status is very high right now."

"How about your relationship status?" Cristina questioned her.

"It's fine." Meredith smiled. "Derek's been doing great with Stel, and we got to have a date night a couple nights ago."

"You told me about that. Lord only knows what trouble you two got yourselves into." Cristina rolled her eyes. "Hell, I don't even want to know."

The two laughed, getting food and walking back through the cafeteria.

"Where are you headed?" Meredith asked.

"Going to find Owen. He said he wanted me to come meet him in his office for lunch."

"I'm sure eating is the last thing on you twos minds."

"On no, eating is on our minds." Cristina smirked.

"Dammit. Did not want to know that." Meredith paused for a moment. "I'm going to see Thatcher. Ill see you later."

"Bye Mer."

"Bye Cris."

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Meredith walked into Thatcher's room, noticing Lexie off in the corner.

"How are you feeling?"

Thatcher and Lexie both looked up.

"I'm good. Glad I get to head on in a few days. Then you know, chemo twice a week."

"That's good." Meredith smiled.

"Yeah." Thatcher spoke. "Do you have to go to that big fancy party tonight also?"

Meredith laughed. "Unfortunately."

"I have to go with Mark. He practically forced me to go."

"Yeah, Derek's going to get ready at my place. We're going to drop Stella off before we head to the hotel." Meredith told her.

"I'm sure you will have a good time." Thatcher assured them.

She began eating her sandwich when her pager went off. "Damn, I've got to take this. Ill try to stop by later."

The three said their goodbyes to each other, before Meredith raced off.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

"I just don't understand why I can't go." Stella pouted.

"Stel, your Mama and I will be home as soon as we can get free. I promise." Derek told his daughter.

"You pinky promise?"

"Pinky promise." He laughed.

The two were at Meredith's, waiting for her to arrive home from the hospital. Derek had stopped and got Stella something to eat, for Stella had assured Derek she was dying of hunger.

They both sat in the living room, watching a little bit of TV, before Derek went to get ready.

"Do you live here now Daddy?" Stella asked.

Derek looked down at his daughter. "What?"

"We'll you've been sleeping with Mama...

"Stella Elizabeth..." Derek growled.

"I mean, we haven't been to the trailer in a long time Daddy. And you've been here with Mama. And me."

After Derek thought of it, he had spent the past week and a half at Meredith's. His toothbrush, some clothes, and night clothes were there.

"No Stel, I don't live here."

"Oh." Stella spoke.

"It's just hard for all of us in the trailer. It's kind of small. And here you have your own room."

"I wished you lived with us Daddy." Stella said sadly.

"That would be nice? Wouldn't it?"

"It would be Daddy!" The little girl exclaimed.

"Mhh." Derek smiled. Just then, Meredith walked through the door.

"Mama!"

Meredith bent down and have her daughter a hug.

"Did you have a good day?"

"I did Mama!" Stella told her mother. "Now hurry and get ready so you and Daddy can leave and get back so we can play!"

Meredith laughed. "Okay, okay."

"Oo I have to show you what I made today." Stella giggled. "It's just for you."

Meredith watched as the little girl ran upstairs quickly. She turned to look at Derek when she was gone.

"You okay?" She asked.

"Yeah, I'm just tired. We need to be at the Gala in a couple hours. I'm going to start getting ready." Derek told her. He got up from the couch, brushing his lips against Meredith's cheek on the way up the stairs.

Meredith smiled and turned around when she heard Stella's voice.

"Look Mama! I drew you a pretty picture. Just for you."

Meredith received the small drawing, giggling. "It's beautiful."

She picked her daughter up and brought her up the stairs, preparing the evening.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

"She asked what?" Meredith laughed, coming out of the bathroom, putting her earrings on. "I mean, what did you say?"

"I said no, and that the trailer was starting to get too small for us. That she had her own room here."

"She doesn't understand. She's four after all Derek."

"I understand that, it's just. Have you ever thought of the possibility of us moving in together?" Derek spoke.

Meredith froze, turning to look at him. "Derek, we've only been together for a few weeks now. We are trying to take things slow and you want to move in?"

"I've been here for the past week and a half and you haven't said a thing?"

"I know it's...just not right now. Let a little more time pass." She said, slipping her dress on. She gestured for him to help zip it up.

"Okay. A little more time." He nodded, zipping up her dress. He gave her a quick kiss on the lips, before speaking again. "We've got to go, we're going to be late."

"Okay." She smiled, walking out of the bedroom to get their daughter.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

"I can't wait to get the hell out of here." Alex sighed.

"That makes two of us." Cristina, Owen, Mark, and Meredith all said in unison.

"It's not that bad." Lexie smiled.

"It really isn't." Derek agreed.

"It really is." They all spoke again.

"I'm tired and I just want to go to bed." Cristina groaned.

They all stood around at the bar, sipping drinks and waiting for the speaker to come so they could take their seats. Taking their seats meant that there was only an hour and a half left of boredom.

"Me too. It's been a very long day." Izzie sighed.

They are started their own small talks, Derek whispering sweet, seducing things into Meredith's ear.

"Too bad we have Stella tonight." Derek spoke. "Looks like ill have to change my plans."

"What kind of plans Dr. Shepherd?"

"Wouldn't you like to know." He smirked.

They were soon interrupted by an older man. The whole room going quiet. "You may now all take your seats at your assigned tables, for the presentations."

Everyone moved to their assigned spots, luckily all of them together at a table.

A couple men spoke, then woman, before Richard had gone up. He said a few words before announcing someone else.

"...with all that being said, It's my honor to introduce a new doctor in town. I'm lucky to have him become part of my staff, and have interns and residents learn from him. I've worked with his mother, and I can only hope he's half as good as her..."

Everyone at the table looked around at each other. No one could guess who he was talking about.

Meredith picked up her wine glass, going to take a sip.

"Please welcome, Jackson Avery."

Meredith choked on her wine, instantly looking towards the stage.

"Oh my god." Owen groaned, looking back at the table.

"What the hell is he doing here?" Cristina exclaimed.

"I think I'm going to be sick." Meredith spoke, looking at Owen. "What in the hell?"

"I don't, I uh, what is he doing here?" Owen laughed nervously.

"I think I know." Cristina said, looking at Meredith.

Everyone at the table looked at her. Then looked at Derek.

"I think I'm the only one missing something here." Derek spoke. "Maybe you would like to tell me."

Meredith looked at him, before looking back at Owen.

"How could Richard, Dad, do this?" Meredith panicked.

"I'm just so thankful that Richard let me transfer to his program. Seattle is wearing on my well, and I'm glad to be here. Seattle Grace Mercy West helps millions and is the number on teaching hospital in America. I'm just glad to be apart of it."

Meredith turned to the table, suddenly in panic mode. Standing on the stage was the one person who could ruin everything she had been working for recently. She just hoped Jackson could get the picture, and get out before much damage was done.

**IM BACK! I had badddd writers block. I've got some ideas though, and this is a going to be a new storyline coming up in the next few chapters. I might add a little Christmas into here too for our cute lil family. **

**On a side note, MERDER is PREGNANT! I can't believe it. I'm so happy. I know all you Grey's fans are too. I can't wait to see wait Shonda has in store. Just hope she lets them be happy.**

**Ill try to update in the next couple days. Everyone have a good week, and please REVIEW! I love you guys. :) **


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